15M Get
For almost THREE MINUTES /b/'s highest post count was 14999949. All attempts at posting were blocked with a "MySQL connection failure." I can believe a connection failure for 90%, 99%, or 99.9% of the total posters. But for three minutes not ONE post made it to /b/. That's IMPOSSIBLE. By the laws of probability at least a few posters should have been able to successfully post. But no. ALL POSTS were blocked for THREE MINUTES. After this time, we are greeted with a stickied 15000000GET of Spacecataz. The first post in the sticky was made FOUR MINUTES after that sticky was supposed to have been posted. With tens of thousands of /b/tards refreshing madly, is it remotely plausible that it took thousands of pairs of eyes FOUR MINUTES to locate the sticky and type out a reply? Or rather, is it more plausible that that sticky was made during the "dark period" wherein nobody could post? Nobody, that is, except for you know who. The trick to mod fuckery is not to make it obvious, guys. There have been failGETS before, but at least there was a glimmer of hope that they were simply failing users, not mods stroking their bloated egos. Now there can be no doubt. Fuck you, mods. Fuck you.

A

AIDS

Man, that's a BEAUTIFUL cock
Man, that's a BEAUTIFUL cock -- and a nice set of hairy, balls making hot loads of HIV semen! I'd love to have you impregnate a some of my CD4 cells. Then I'd have a strain of your descendants living in me always. Very Hot! Happy Fucking, Brother!

Papa Gino's, AIDS, etc.
God damn you, /b/. I fucking hate you. I've been noticing how you've been fucking with my head, making me see memes everywhere, and now it cost me my job. I used to work at a pizza joint called Papa Gino's, which is a chain here in New England. Today, two guys came in, and they were very obviously a couple. Never in my life have I seen people this blatantly gay. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bleeding heart liberal hippie treehugger commie bastard, and I'm even bisexual myself, but DAMN these two were gay. Everything was going fine, right up until I served them their food. Instead of the usual "enjoy your meal" bit that I usually say, /b/ seized control of my brain. "There you are, guys. Enjoy your AIDS." As soon as that A passed my lips, alarm bells went nuts in my head. But it was too late. I didn't realize what I had just done until I had finished speaking. The two guys just stared at me in shock for a momment, and I went pale. I knew that my days of free pizza and all the Mountain Dew I could drink were over in that one instant. The two dudes go DIPSHIT. My manager comes over, and there's screaming about hate crimes, bigotry, lawsuits, and one of them even stood up and threatened to beat the shit out of me. We got into a fight, and my manager got scared, and said youre moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.

Alpha Male Retort
Oh, how very big of you. You're an alpha male, are you? Well, let me clue you in on something: Alpha Males haven't been in charge for a good couple of decades. Obviously, this tirade is directed on a High School level. Once you get out of high school, and begin working at your dead-end office job, you know who your boss is going to be? That's right, that pasty nerd you made fun of. It's funny, you see. The majority of the women you are talking about, despite the blatant lies you've slipped in, and the generalizations which remain moderately untrue, are frankly, idiotic sluts. The fact that you're trying to taunt us with them is inane, because while they sound appealing in text, in reality, we wouldn't want anything to do with the fucking skanks. And furthermore, thank you for "fucking every girl in the school (I bet you can bench 2000 pounds too, amirite?)." Honestly, thank you. Why, you may ask? Because, by taking away the easy route, you have brought pain upon us. You have brought us misery, you have forced us to adapt to that misery, and to grow as people. Luxury doesn't incite growth, pain does. So while you're busy sticking it in your AIDS-ridden skanks, we're studying, learning, gaining skills that are necessary for life. You may scoff at this, call us stupid nerds for not getting the pussy while it's hot, but guess what? We're going to get it eventually. You said so yourself, women love power. So, eventually, you're going to find a women you love as much as she primally needs you. You're going to get married, maybe settle down a bit. Wild sex for the first two years, but after a while, she'll get ansy. She'll grow tired of the novelty of the Alpha Male. Your relationship will become the dull forced marriage that is seen constantly in America. You'll likely divorce her and move on, getting a younger wife that'll need you as much as your old wife did when you first married. Seems swell, doesn't it? I can assure you, it isn't. By now, we have risen to power. While you live the life of the swingers, we are the Senators, the Chairmen, we are the rulers of life as you know it. We have transcended your pitiful existence, and control every aspect of your very fate, without you even so much as noticing. By now, we have the money and the power, and as Scarface once said (We know you love him, and have his poster on your bedroom wall,'cause you're cool like that) next we get the women. And guess who it is that loves power, as you said women do? That's right, it's your little skank of a wife! Now, most of us will likely have settled down with a wife, but I'm sure there are plenty that would be glad to take your wife when she dumps your sorry ass to go to the people she knows have the real power. And, as we get older, our fortunes and power will grow. We'll eventually get a few trophy wives, settle down a bit, and live in the lap of luxury. Meanwhile, you, the "Alpha Male" will be left alone. By the time you hit thirty, your primal attraction, your ONLY asset, will begin to fade. Your third wife in ten years will grow tired of your old, pitiful body, and will leave you. Stuck in a dead-end job as one of our pawns, you will grow old and even less appealing. Eventually you will die an old and unloved man, either by taking your own life, drowning yourself in booze, or perhaps merely out of your own misery. So go ahead. Brag about how many women you are fucking. Call us losers. We may seem to be upset, and you may mock our pain, but I assure you, we know your fate. And we are smiling inside.

Anonymous does not raid
ANONYMOUS DOES NOT FUCKING RAID. WHEN YOU LEAVE /b/ YOU ARE NO LONGER ANONYMOUS. ALL that raiding does is establish a link with the disgusting identity-saturated world that exists outside of 4chan. A person doing, referencing, or talking about things that belong inside /b/ while outside is just an idiot. We are all fucking idiots here, but because we are ALL anonymous and ALL acting randomly we create something WONDERFUL, something that is not just a bunch of random crap but EVERYTHING, and because we have no identity here each and every one of us owns the ENTIRE sum of our efforts. What you people are doing is NOT anonymous, you are no longer anonymous, you are "anonymous from /b/" you get an identity, you may call yourselves anon BUT YOU ARE NOT ANONYMOUS! YOU DO NOT TAKE /b/ WITH YOU! The environment which transforms random acts into enlightenment is NOT THERE, you do nothing but make yourselves look stupid and POTENTIALLY THREATEN OUR FUTURE. Many of you do not even understand what /b/ is. You have come here too late and where absorbed into this newbie raiding culture. At first it started small, but then my mom got scared. She sent me to live with my auntie and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near, its license plate said fresh and it had a dice in the mirror. That is more or less harmless. BUT YOU IDIOTS ARE RUINING IT. We should not have started, WE DID NOT KNOW IT WOULD HAVE TO KEEP GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER. ALREADY THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS ARE BEING FELT! Look around you; it's now around seven or eight and we've dispatched the cabbie; finally, we have a chance to sit on our thrones as princes of bel-air. mock-fighting is now turning into real hostilities. /b/ IS NOT AN INTERNET POWER, we are a STATE OF MIND. There is no /b/ army, there is no /b/-'anything', there is only /b/ and anonymous.

Anime fans

Anime is not for nerds
For nerds? Well excuse me... Some people grew up with it and is part of there culture aka asians. Also its a good thing to do when ur bored. + your list of anime is prob less thn 0.001% of whats actually on the market. Not all anime are or children and nerds there are large varietys targeted at different groups. Also teen titans is not really anime tho drawn in a very similar/same style as anime. There are certain rules it does not follow making it a cross breed And yes i am awfully offended at your steriotyping. Thankyou. P.s. and no animes not just about hentai... Add more variety to your gallery...

My girlfriend is cute and smart and she's awesome
My girlfriend is cute and smart and she's an anime faggot like me The other night she and I were cuddling in bed and she started humping me and whispering "oniichan oniichan" and that turned me the fuck on so I called her "oneechan" and then she stopped and looked at me and I said "what is it" to which she replied "I always wanted a twin brother so we could fuck all the time" (she's an only child and all I have is a younger brother) so all night long we were humping and calling each other oniichan and oneechan and I came in my underwear and we were pretending we were brother and sister trying to sexually please each other without having sex and it was fucking hot

What's so goddamn special about anime?
So I'm sitting here and I'm trying to figure out what's so goddamn special about anime. I'm still trying to figure that out. There's got to be a free dose of heroin in every DVD or something. Because you know, I can't walk out of the fucking door without someone talking about Inuyasha, and holy fuck Trigun is just the bee's knees. I'm taking a dump; I'm sitting on the toilet wiping my ass with bible pages (because that's what I use when I run out of toilet paper.) And someone's going to be standing there talking about how big of a boner they get over Tank Police and Neon Jell-O Evangelist or whatever the fuck. So I'm thinking “Wow gee hosifat, this anime stuff has got to be some nifty shit. There had better be some sliced bread out there that can't get work anymore over this shit. The last time people had this much fun they just discovered they could get drunk and beat their kids. So this shit had better be able to cure AIDS and kill nuns it's that fucking great. Old people had better be turning off the I Dream of Jennie reunion to watch this shit it's that fucking great.” So I sit down to watch anime. And it's not that hard because it's on every fucking channel. Six hundred and fifty trillion channels and their all playing anime twenty four hours a day. So I pick a channel and I sit down to watch it; and it's not like I haven't seen anime before you know, but every time I happen to mention that I don't personally like it, someone's head will pop out from under the nearest rock and say “But have you seen it lately? It's not like Sailor Moon anymore!” Because apparently the last five years has done for anime what silicon did for Alyssa Molino, you know. So I'm sitting in my chair and I turn on the anime and I've got my dick in my hand ready to jerk it to happy oblivion because apparently it's that fucking important. And hey, check this out, it's the same three-frame per second six-color crap it always was! You can watch this shit with Shockwave on a 486 and there wouldn't be any difference. And it's because we incinerated all of Japan's in-between artists at the end of World War 2 I know it. They can't make an hour long cartoon with more than a hundred frames in it because they've only got three mother fuckers left who can draw. And I can't jerk off to this, my dick would never respect me again. But suddenly, everyone's flooding in my room and they're like "Ohh you're watching Otagotcha Watamotigotchimona. This is the best show in all fucking existence.” And now they're jerking their dicks off, and all I can think is that they don't deserve their dicks. What the fuck is making everyone go so batshit over anime? And then it occurs to me, it's fucking El Nino. Yeah, that's what it is. Some guy gets caught raping a dead squirrel and someone's going to blame El Nino for it. This is all El Nino's fault because that's where the aliens live with their damn mind rays that are making everyone fucking retarded. Fuck South America! So I fire a bunch of nukes at South America so everyone's heads will suddenly be extracted from their asses again. And I do it anime style too, I narrate it as I'm doing it. So, I'm like "Ohh, did you know that I would send the most powerful force in the universe to destroy you today, but now you know because I'm the great warrior Anonymous, who's spirit was imprisoned by the god of penile dysfunction over a thousand years ago and have been waiting to be awakened this very day by the magical sound of the very last human putting his head up his ass, ohhh." Because that's a wonderful story you know, that's what makes anime so wonderful it's the story. It's the stories that make the anime so wonderful. The stories, that's what it is. You know, only their not stories! "Ohh telling a thousand years of history in thirty seconds in the middle of a movie," when you do that, that's not a fucking story. That's the fucking cincher OK? When you do that in the middle of a mental hospital they're give you a fucking lobotomy. So I launch the nukes at South America, and their like "Anonymous you bastard!" and I'm like, "Yeah fuck you, it had to be done." Which- but shit no I can't do that because it's got to be subtitled. I forgot it's got to be fucking subtitled. Because it's not "real anime" unless it's subtitled so we can hear the inflections in the voices. Yeah, forgot about that. Gotta hear the inflections in voices speaking a language we don't even fucking understand. Yeah, we can't live without that, can we? So I do it subtitled now right and they can't understand a fucking thing I'm saying but they can hear the inflection in my voice and that makes all the fuck of a difference. And except for one guy who goes "Hey if you want to read you should pick up a book." But it's OK, because he got the first nuke on his left nut the heathen round-eyed fuck. He probably used the word Japanimation anyway, which oh fuck you can't do that. You have to stop speaking whatever you speak and pronounce it in perfect Japanese. "It's on-e-may. Say on-e-may damn it. On-e-may!" Don't have to call German animation "zekendrickfilm", you don't have to call Russian animation "meltinicatsia", African animation isn't "iumbengosegoa," but you gotta say "anime" or they'll get pissed off until their man-tits start lactating. So, so the nukes melt the aliens in El Nino, and they scream "Oh what a world, what a world," right? And so now our brains can think again. Everything is cool right? We're cool? I consider the matter closed. Now can we PLEASE find something else to talk about?

Angry Sun
When I was about nine, I had recently gotten a Nintendo Entertainment System from a garage sale down the road, the first gaming system I ever had. One game that I bought was Super Mario Brothers 3, the final chapter of the widely-acclaimed SMB trilogy, which like in the original Super Mario Brothers consisted of Mario/Luigi chasing after Princess Toadstool (whose name has since been bastardized to 'Peach'). Back on topic though; so I had advanced to World 2, "Desert Land" and I was moving along rather smoothly, in the back of my mind knowing that at some point the levels would start to get more difficult; I soon noticed a tile, one unlike the other tiles (Toad houses, numbered tiles, etc). It appeared to be some cross-hybrid of flowing diarrhea and sand, which caught my attention. I navigated my way to the tile, and hit the A button and was warped to what appeared to be a normal level; there even was a happy sunshine in the top left corner! As I side-scrolled my way through the level, the fucking sun decided to go apeshit and sodomize me repeatedly until I finally broke down in tears, throwing my controller at the ground screaming for my mom. That fucking bastard. And no, this is not copy pasta.

Arthur D. Sellers
Listen up you disgusting pigs, I recently logged onto my 16 year old son's computer because I'm having trouble with my office machine. Right on his desktop he has a folder marked 4chan. I figured that it must be where he keeps his animay movies, but I opened it up and was HORRIFIED by what I saw. It was laden with child pornography, dismembered limbs, and all around deviant, sickening images. You people let my son onto your website without ANY age verification, he was looking at things that I never imagined could exist. I will be filing legal papers soon unless you take down this offensive site or change your policies so that minors may not access it. In addition, I will be petitioning your webmaster to pay for my son's psychiatrist fees, which are going to be substantial considering what I've seen. Sincereley, Arthur D. Sellers

Ashtray
As we all know, smoking is really bad for your health. What a lot of people don't realize is that when you smoke, those few minutes of your expected lifespan are literally transformed into the ash you flick away into an ashtray. Ashtrays, each and every one of them, are constructed by a single group running several dozen front companies. Basically, unless you're putting out your smokes beneath your heel or in the ashtray your kid made at camp, you're dispensing your ashen life into this group's eager little recepticle. Their ashtrays absorb the life force from the ashes and sends it to a central holding facility. No one knows for sure what these guys are going to do when they've collected all that life energy, but it's probably going to be huge. Incidentally, there's talk of a rival organization leading the anti-smoking political agenda from behind the scenes. They probably figure removing smoking sections, and thus ashtrays, from restaurants and bars is a good first step towards thwarting whatever it is this ashtray company is trying to do.

Attention Newgrounders
ATTENTION NEWGROUNDERS, FACT: NEWGROUNDS WAS FUNNY WHEN WE WERE ALL 12 LIVING IN THE SUBURBS LISTENING TO LINKIN PARK WATCHING DRAGONBALL Z DRINKING PEPSI WHILE PLAYING HALO CO-OP ON THE EASIEST SETTING DURING WHICH WE CONSUMED DORITOS AND LOOKED AT PAINTBALL GUNS ON EBAY IN INTERNET EXPLORER CONNECTED THROUGH AOL ON A 56K MODEM BEFORE HOPPING INTO OUR BALDING FATHERS' LATEST MIDLIFE-CRISIS-IMPULSE-SPONSORED JAPANESE-BUILT SUV TO HEAD TO THE MALL AND GET MORE SKATEBOARDING SHOES AND THIRD-RATE IRREGULAR LEVIS AND MOUNTAIN BIKE PARTS BEFORE HEADING HOME, VOTING DEMOCRAT AND MASTURBATING TO THE LATEST SEARS CATALOG WHILE HUFFING PAINT IN YOUR GARAGE BEFORE TALKING TO PEDOPHILES ON AIM PRETENDING TO BE WHATEVER CAMWHORE THEY'RE RANTING ABOUT ON MYSPACE WITH A MATRIX QUOTE/ANIME CHARACTER NAME/TRIPLE SIX-ASTERISK-PARENTHESES-SURROUNDED SCREENNAME BEFORE HEADING TO YOUR SUPPOSED "GOOD SCHOOL" IN THE MORNING TO BUY MORE POT TO SMOKE DURING YOUR COUNTER-STRIKE LAN PARTY WITH JIMMY AND THE REST OF HIS FRIENDS TAKING RITALIN AND ADDERALL AND PROZAC EIGHT TIMES A DAY BEFORE TAKING A CASUAL PASS AT LOCAL, STATE OR NATIONAL GOVERNMENTIAL FIGURES, LEGISLATURE, OR STRUCTURE TO APPEAR EDGY AND INTELLIGENT IN FRONT OF YOUR BUDWEISER-SNEAKING, LIMP-WRISTED, NEAR-TO-COLUMBINE SOCIOPATHIC "DEEP" FRIENDS WHO PLAY THE VICTIM WHEN THEY START LOSING ARGUEMENTS SIX DAYS BEFORE THEIR BOTCHED SUICIDE ATTEMPT SIMPLY BECAUSE SCHOOL TRAMP NUMBER TWELVE WOULDN'T GO UNDER THE BLEACHERS WITH THEM TO LET THEM GET TO SECOND BASE BEFORE THEIR THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY.

Anus
You know, I like 4chan as much as the next guy, but when 4chan starts asking about my anus, that's when I say things start to get a little TOO personal.

B

/b/etta
BAM! TO BEHOLD, A PUBLIC BULLETIN BOARD, BUILT OF BOTH BRILLIANCE AND BARBARITY BY BASTARDS WITH BONERS. THIS BASTION, NO MERE BULWARK OF BOREDOM, IS A BRUTAL BARRAGE OF BLISTERING BULLSHIT, BARELY BENEVOLENT... BUT BEHIND THE BIGOTRY AND BOOBS, BEYOND THE BITTER BROADCASTS OF BRAGGING BUFFOONS: HERE BE THE BODY POLITIC. A BROTHERHOOD OF BLASPHEMY, BLESSED WITH MORE BALLS THAN BRAINS, BATTLING THE BLAND, THE BOGUS, THE BENIGN. BEDLAM? BRING IT ON. BUT I BABBLE... BETTER TO BE BRIEF. YOU MAY CALL ME /B/.

Beat Up a Girl
when I was 13, I tied up this girl that was 12 with a jumprope, then beat the fuck out of her. By the time I was done, her lip was split, her wrists were bleeding from the rope cuttin into them, one of her eyes was swollen shut, she was missing two teeth, her small tits will entirely black and blue, her pussy was bleeding, and I'm fairly sure that several bones in her feet were broken. When I let her down, she crumpled on the floor and went into a fetal position and just hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed quietly. I suddenly got very aroused seeing that, so I pulled out my dick (I has actally hit puberty 12, and was hairy, balls dropped and everything functioning) and started jerking off quietly. Eventually, I started to breathe harder, and she noticed what I was doing, and she just looked at me with this look of absolute horror on her face. It was at that moment that I climaxed and sprayed probably my biggest load of cum ever all over face and chest. Then, I picked up her torn shirt from the ground, wiped off my dick and tossed it to her. I told her to clean herself up and that if she ever told anyone, I would go to her house and kill her while she slept, and that if anyone asked who hurt her, she should say a bunch of highschool kids did it. When I think back on it, I think she was the first girl I ever loved. ...god I'm fucked up.

Blackie in school
Hey /b/. I don't mean to sound like a racist, But what the hell is up with black youth? I ask this because of a few events that happened today. I was sitting in my English class this afternoon when a knock sounded at the door. Mind you, this took place about a half hour AFTER class started. Lo and Behold the person knocking was the only black student in my class. This is the first time this week that he actually showed up for class, and he sauntered in like he was early for class. He took a seat rather noisily and basically caused the class to pause until he settled down and finished saluting his homies. Class continued as normal until assignments were handed out. That is when he started to speak. My god, /b/, I have never heard a more blabbering, mumbling person speak in my life. I couldn't understand a damn thing coming out of his mouth. The few things I DID understand were him asking the difference between an "illusion" and "allusion", and his apparent hatred for homonyms. After the misunderstanding was cleared he then went on about how 'bling' his shoes were until the class ended. During the class he also claimed that the name '50 Cent' is a metaphor. So I ask this of you /b/, why can't black people learn to speak and/or pay attention? Why do they care more about their 90$ piece of shit 'bling' batman shoes than learning? I live in a town where there are at most 20 black people, and 90% of the ones I've been in the same room with could fit right in with the racial stereotype.

"BRATS"
I hope I'm not the only one who is seeing the Hideous and extremely disgraceful Dress Code and additude of our young teens of today! These kids have no idea how fortunate they are to have such a wonderful life they have to live in! Ya know what?, the Blame falls on the PARENTS! What's the matter with you Damn mother and fathers?!! Have you forgot how many lives have been lost so we can walk around in our towns and cities that have not been Bombed to rubble! Maybe you're just to Stupid and uneducated to realize how fortunate we are these days! I have seen your kids Drop papers, cups and anything else they don't want right on the ground as if this is what to do! Most of you Stupid people don't even care what your ugly kids do as long as they are out of your way! Most of you parents aren't even Qualified to be Parents, you lazy Morons! Why don't you teach your selves how to respect what you have and maybe your Brat kids will catch on! MAYBE! The small amount of the good kids go unnoticed because the Majority of you inconsiderate Brats, prevent them from being seen! You parents probably allow your brats to do whatever they want in your own homes! The other bad thing is, most likely the good parents will be the only ones who read this Blog! Those of you who are the good Parents, will know that you are and I commend you for your efforts! Thank You!

Burger King
BE IT BREAKFAST, BRUNCH OR BED AND BE YOU A BAREFOOT BURGLAR, BRITISH BANKER OR BEDFAST BOOKMAKER A BASIC BESTIAL BLESSING IS THE BURGER! A BILLION BURGER BANQUET BEQUETH UPON ME FROM A BURGER BASTION OF BEDLAM BARELY BEGINS TO BOIL MY BULKY BURGER BURDEN. YET I MUST BARE BULBOUS BEGGERS BESEECHING BURGERS TO BUILD UPON THEIR BIG BAGGAGE WHILE BREEDING BARBARICALLY. BUT BEFORE THE BURGER BANQUET A BETTER BEGINNING IS OBLIGED. YOU MAY CALL ME BURGER KING.

C

Canada Boy
Hey Canada boy, look at yourfaggot picture. You can't call anyone a faggot when your face is the ultimate faggot face. And it looks like your pretty dumb yourself considering you can't even spell penis.

Canadian pedophile
SO my 24 years old male cousin came from Canada last week for the Christmas thing so we and 2 other cousins were in the living room,just talking but then the other 2 cousins went to bed and my cousin started to touch me and I let him to do that :/ It was so fucking awesome!Anyways to the next day he went to pick up some more clothes and he told me that in the way to his house had boner just fot thinking about it.He keeps telling me to kiss him and I don't want to.I feel weird. he should be in jail.The question here is that...Should I let him do the same thing today? P.S I haven't ate since we did it.I feel sick.

Calvin & Hobbes
Calvin lay there in bed, next to his tiger. His fourteenth birthday was tomorrow. He was getting older, puberty striking at his mind, voice, and body. He kissed Hobbes on the cheek, puling him closer and thanking him for being his friend. Then it happened. It had been happening often since he was thirteen and he had no control over it. His erection tented his boxers, pressing against his friend's rump. "Stop.." Hobbes mumbled with a growl, pushing him away. Calvin turned onto his back, pulling his under shorts down and revealing his standing pillar, about five inches. Average, he figured. He shook Hobbes awake. He didn't wake easily and grumbled and growled, but eventually sat up. "What, Calvin?" He asked angrily, wanting very much to go back to sleep. "I love you." "I love you too.." Hobbes said awkwardly. 'What is this about?' He wondered. "Do you really love me?" "Yeah, why?" Hobbes sat up further, sleep forgotten. "I want to mate with you.." Calvin blushed. "Wait! What? You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the liscence plate said "fresh" and had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I though "nah, forget it, yo home to Bel Air"! I pulled up to the house at about seven or eight, yelled to the cabbie, yo homes, smell you later. Looked at my kingdom, and I was finally there, to sit on my throne, as the Prince of Bel Air.

Chuck Norris
Have you heard of the "Chuck Norris Facts"? There are more than 50,000 jokes making their way around the Internet that purport to be "facts" all playing off my movie roles as a "tough guy" and my history as a martial arts champion. But they aren't "jokes" to those who spread them – they're "facts." Here are a few of my favorites: * "When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris." * "Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants." * "Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris." These "facts" have become a phenomenon – a fad spread mainly by young people of high school and college age. It's hard to explain why these things happen – how they take on a life of their own. Naturally, over the past couple years as this wildfire has been raging, people have asked me, "What do you think of all this?" My answer is always the same: Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. And, thankfully, most are just promoting harmless fun. (But be careful if you go searching for "Chuck Norris Facts" on the Internet, because some are just not appropriate for kids.) Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of the craze of "Chuck Norris Facts." It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. I'm so grateful for my fans. Who knows, maybe these one liners will prompt some one to seek out the real facts about me and the beliefs that have shaped my life and my career. While I have as much fun as anyone else reading and quoting them, let's face it, most "Chuck Norris Facts" describe someone with supernatural, superhuman powers. They're describing a superman character. And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman. It's not me. Let me illustrate using a few of the claims being made about me in the various lists of "Chuck Norris Facts": Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises." I've got a bulletin for you, folks. I am no superman. I realize that now, but I didn't always. As six-time world karate champion and then a movie star, I put too much trust in who I was, what I could do and what I acquired. I forgot how much I needed others and especially God. Whether we are famous or not, we all need God. We also need other people. If your whole life is spent trying to make money and you neglect the people important in your life, you will create an emptiness deep in your heart and soul. I know. I fell into that trap. I dedicated my whole life to fame and fortune. I had a huge hole in my heart and was miserable until I met my wife, Gena, who brought me back to the Lord. Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures. By the way, without him, I don't have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things – and so can you. Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever." There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris. If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood. Again, I'm flattered and amazed by the way I've become a fascinating public figure for a whole new generation of young people around the world. But I am not the characters I play. And even the toughest characters I have played could never measure up to the real power in this universe.

CIA Nigger
Dear /b/, I regret to inform you that the CIA is at my door ready to raid my computer. My 4chan folders, seriously, will get me in deep shit. The guy at my door is a nigger, I want to tell him a good joke to ease the tension here, but I'm afraid all my jokes are racist jokes. Should I go ahead and tell him a nigger joke? Um, it appears this nigger just walked in my door and is unplugging my PC. Nigger stealing my PC. SI TSHI LGEAL???!111 Hopefulyl this gose throough /b/,.

Communism
The very first Communists were early Slavic tribes who owned so little they had to share everything. They were renowned warriors, whose battle tactics consisted of getting as drunk as mortally possible, then drink twice as much more and charge at the enemy wielding a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other. Even in these early times they were called the Red Army for their red faces (esp. noses). A Communist Warrior was terrible to behold in battle, bashing, slicing, and breathing alcoholic fumes at his enemies. Mortally wounded, he would merely fall asleep at the field of battle, only to wake up the next morning with regenerated limbs, healed wounds and a severe headache.

Cooking and Food

Cooking with Semen
Has anybody ever tried cooking with their own semen? About a month ago I got adventurous and decided to fap into the frying pan, using my semen in place of little extra butter I usually put in the pan when I'm grilling grill'd cheese. I didn't notice much difference in flavour when I tried it, although it definitely didn't taste any worse. Last night, however, while in the process leading up to grilling two sandwiches for lunch for myself and my sick mother, I noticed my neighbour's 13 year old daughter changing in the yard next door (our window sort of faces out into the neighbour's yard, the suburban layout of our community is somewhat strange), presumably after getting out of the pool. I got the urge to fap and decided to encorporate it into my cooking again in secret. My mother did seem to notice a difference in flavour for the better - I nonchalantly told her I used a different butter, which in it's essence wasn't entirely a lie, I just didn't specify it was my nut butter. I'm not about to outright lie to my mother. I consider myself a respectable man of principles, you know.

OMG! O_O!!!!
NOBODY SHOULD NEED A MACHINE TO DO SOMETHING SO EASY OMG WHO THE FUCK IS SO LAZY THAT THEY CAN'T COOK THEIR OWN RICE RICE COOKERS DON'T SAVE YOU ANY TIME, FAG. YOU JUST WASTED YOUR GODDAMN MONEY. NOBODY SHOULD NEED A MACHINE TO DO SOMETHING SO EASY. - OMG WHO THE FUCK IS SO LAZY THAT THEY CAN'T POP THEIR OWN POPCORN POPCORN POPPERS DON'T SAVE YOU ANY TIME, FAG. YOU JUST WASTED YOUR GODDAMN MONEY. NOBODY SHOULD NEED A MACHINE TO DO SOMETHING SO EASY. - OMG WHO THE FUCK IS SO LAZY THAT THEY CAN'T BOIL THEIR OWN PASTA PASTA COOKERS DON'T SAVE YOU ANY TIME, FAG. YOU JUST WASTED YOUR GODDAMN MONEY. NOBODY SHOULD NEED A MACHINE TO DO SOMETHING SO EASY. - OMG WHO THE FUCK IS SO LAZY THAT THEY CAN'T SEPARATE THEIR OWN EGGS EGG SEPARATORS DON'T SAVE YOU ANY TIME, FAG. YOU JUST WASTED YOUR GODDAMN MONEY. NOBODY SHOULD NEED A MACHINE TO DO SOMETHING SO EASY. - OMG WHO THE FUCK IS SO LAZY THAT THEY CAN'T MILL THEIR OWN GRAIN GRAIN MILLERS DON'T SAVE YOU ANY TIME, FAG. YOU JUST WASTED YOUR GODDAMN MONEY. NOBODY SHOULD NEED A MACHINE TO DO SOMETHING SO EASY. - OMG WHO THE FUCK IS SO LAZY THAT THEY CAN'T PULL THEIR OWN NOODLES PASTA ROLLERS DON'T SAVE YOU ANY TIME, FAG. YOU JUST WASTED YOUR GODDAMN MONEY. NOBODY SHOULD NEED A MACHINE TO DO SOMETHING SO EASY.

Copypastas about copypasta

Properly doing copypasta
The thing is, people don't realize the work that goes into properly doing copypasta. They think copypasta is something that slackers can do, or faggots, or assholes. It's not true. Copypasta is a dying artform and if you don't see that, I don't know what's wrong with you. First of all, you sacrifice spending real time on /b/. You can't participate as much as you'd like to because you're so busy doing copypasta that you can't. As a result, you miss a lot of really great threads. Still, it's a sacrifice, so you do it. There's also the problem of "Flood detected". This message can really hurt your progress. You should try to get your copypasta into every active thread and if you have to sit there waiting before the flood period is over, you lose valuable time. This is also very difficult. Also, picking which threads should get a copypasta first are sort of difficult. There are threads that don't stay on the first page for very long, so you may be missing some of the more prominent threads. Of course, you should try to hit them all, but for the desire effect, you need to get into bigger threads quickly. Finally, there's the moral problem. One thing about copypasta is that sometimes it feels good, but sometimes it feels bad. BTW, this wasn't a copypasta, I just typed it out.

Cracky-chan

Thank you 4chan.
Thank you 4chan. Today morning my parents had a call. The girl you know as "Cracky-chan' wanted to kill herself and is in hospital now. She will die in one or two days. FUCK YOU ALL for this I knew her FOR REAL over years. I was never so sad in my life before. Guys do you not realise that this is for real? Thats not fun in the realtity a REAL person DIE because of 4chan. I hope so all 4chan assholes burn in hell for ever. Thank you 4chan for killing one of my friends. I think this will bring consequences to 4chan. This is my wish.

"Have you ever done anal?"
It has been two months since I have found out about Cracky-chan's AIM sn. Don't ask me how I did that, some things are better left untold. Anyway, we got in contact, or rather: I contacted her and she responded. I tried to be all cool and hurrhurr-in-cheek with her (if you know what I mean) but of course she saw through my act from the start. You can fool every other idiot on /b/ but you cannot fool Cracky-chan, especially not when face to face (or should I say: P2P?). I am sure in the few days that we were chatting for hours and hours she got a real good idea of who I really was. So one day while I was babbling away, trying to make myself look like the best thing since sliced bread served with roast beef by talking about "those fucking furries" and "that one new program I installed recently", she interrupted me by saying: "Have you ever done anal?" I was kinda put off and shocked at first. I am not going to tell you her real age but a young girl approaching me like that just shocked me for a second or two. Then I regained my cool and answered that yes, me and my ex-gf tried it once but she didn't like that so that had been the end of that. What came next had me baffled again: "Want to try again?"

me: try again? you mean you and me?
her: no, you and your mom
me: lol what
me: so you really mean you and me?
me: hello?
her: yes, you and me, dumbass
me: you're saying you'd let me do you up the ass?
her: more like you will let me do you up the ass
her: i already got the lube and the strap-on, you just gotta haul your ass over here

It's hard to make a decision when you're having a massive hard-on without knowing what to do with it at first. So I want to say that it wasn't really my decision when I packed my bit of shit together and hopped into the next train. I pretty much knew from the moment when I said "okay" (although I don't really remember that moment) that I was completely hers. Trapped in a web of, yes, retarded internet lust. I'll be the first to admit it. But I am sure most of you would have done the same. I've been living with her the last few weeks now. Sometimes we're sleeping in her bed together but most of the time she makes me sleep on the floor. The house itself is pretty big. Her parents aren't there. I don't know where they are and I have never asked about them. A lot of other people are coming and going, though. Some are staying for a few days, vanish and come again later. Some of them even post on /b/, but I won't disclose their identities. I wouldn't want to make myself unwelcome here. I want to stay close to Cracky-chan. I know she doesn't want me to get too close to her, but I don't care as long as she legs me follow her for a walk outside (the snow is so nice) and as long s I can spread my ass cheeks for her to invade me. I feel happy. Some of you may think that I am a sad sod, that I am crazy for having let go of my appartment, my cheap job, my so-called friends. I am with Cracky-chan and that is all that matters to me. And when she holds me by the waist and furiously thrusts that big black one into my bowels, I simply cannot ask for anything more on earth.

D

Dennis
The worst emotion, by far, is Dennis. Feeling Dennis is probably the least pleasurable experience in the world. You're always upset, you can't be happy when you're Dennis. Problem is, whenever one person is Dennis, the other people he comes into contact with also become Dennis. This leads on to the point, where DID Dennis originate from? Was it originally portrayed by a lonely old man, or a hobo? Thing is, there is no definite answer, due to the tracing going back thousands and thousands of years. Which brings up the topic, how can you stop feeling Dennis when you're already Dennis? There are a number of ways to alleviate this problem, such as carpooling and playing video games. Though, the only surefire way to remove this feeling is to break the seams of a voodoo doll, spill out the entrails into a bowl of trail mix and eat your life away. I hope this answers your question.

Dearba /b/
Dearba /b/ba: Iba, likeba manyba ofba youba, sufferba fromba problemsba. Myba problemsba don'tba involveba anyba ofba yourba implausibleba onesba, butba mineba areba worthba voicingba toba youba inba hopeba ofba gettingba someba adviceba. Anywaysba, Iba beganba toba watchba Azumangaba Daiohba aboutba aba monthba agoba, andba asba Iba doveba deeperba andba deeperba intoba theba seriesba, theba moreba andba moreba Iba fappedba toba hentaiba ofba itba. Iba continuedba toba doba soba untilba theba lastba episodeba. Thenba Iba watchedba theba seriesba againba...andba againba... andba againba... Iba foundba myselfba checkingba outba Osakaba everyba onba-screenba momentba sheba hadba. Iba beganba toba stopba goingba toba myba regularba sitesba justba toba lookba atba hentaiba ofba oneba personba: Osakaba. Iba eventuallyba hadba 1000sba ofba picturesba andba someba doujinsba ofba Osakaba. Iba beganba toba spendba whatba othersba calledba absurdba amountsba ofba moneyba onba merchandiseba, andba myba apartmentba isba coatedba withba Osakaba everywhereba. I'veba shutba myselfba offba fromba familyba andba friendsba andba feltba anba urgeba toba justba snuggleba withba myba Osakaba dollsba. Osakaba isba allba Iba needba. Sheba probablyba wouldn'tba likeba theba wayba myba familyba isba orba howba myba friendsba behaveba. I'mba inba loveba withba Osakaba. Iba keepba prayingba thatba she'llba comeba toba seeba meba oneba dayba andba decideba toba liveba withba meba. Iba haveba nothingba leftba toba liveba forba butba Osakaba. Iba knowba sheba canba hearba meba, soba Iba alwaysba talkba toba herba tellingba herba toba comeba andba visitba meba soba ourba unionba canba takeba placeba. Soba thisba isba whereba youba guysba comeba intoba theba pictureba. Helpba meba moveba inba withba myba auntieba andba uncleba inba Bel-airba. Iba whistledba forba aba cabba andba whenba itba cameba nearba, theba liscenseba plateba saidba freshba andba itba hadba diceba inba theba mirrorba! Ifba anythingba Iba couldba tellba thisba cabba wasba rareba, butba nahba forgetba itba, yoba homesba toba Bel-airba!.Iba pulledba upba toba aba houseba aroundba sevenba orba eightba, yelledba toba theba cabbieba, yoba homesba, smellba yaba laterba! Lookedba atba myba kingdomba, Iba wasba finallyba thereba, toba settleba myba throneba asba theba princeba ofba bel-airba. sup /b/

Dear iiChan
I live in a small town in Kansas. I've always been the artsy type..painting, photography...while most other guys around here were more jocky. Tons of guys joined the millitary after high school and now almost all of them are in Iraq. They send letters home saying how proud they are of their wives and how it must be hard for them to deal with their husbands being away. Well do you know how they deal with it? They fuck me. Thats right. While you are away getting your ass hot off I'm shooting myself off in your wifes ass. Thank God for George Bush. I have about 4 wives I'm currently fucking because of his great leadership. I voted republican this year and then promptly went to a shipped off wives's home and came in her mouth.

Desumas 'Twas the night before Desumas, and all through 4chan, Not a /b/tard was stirring, not even The Man, The stickies were hung by the first page with care, In hopes that Suiseiseki soon would be there.

The /b/tards were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of boatlights danced in their heads. And m00t in his boxers, and I in my cap, Had just settled our brains for a long Tuesday fap.

When on my computer there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the computer I ran fast as I can, Tore open the browser, and loaded 4chan.

The lamp on the desk I turned on low, And gave the lustre of midday to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should seem, But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny memes.

With a cute little driver, so lively and ready, I knew in a moment it must be Suiseiseki. More rapid than buttsex, her memes they came, And she whistled and shouted and called them by name:

"Now Mongler! Now Negro! Now, Pedobear and Milhouse! On, ORLY! On, Waha! On, Delay and Lupus! To the top of the 4chan! As fast as you can! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the stickies the memes they flew, With the sleigh full of spam, and Suiseiseki too.

And then, in a groaning, I heard on the tube The whining and crying of each little n00b. As I drew in my head and was turning around, Down the forum Suiseiseki came with a bound.

She was dressed all in green, from her head to her toes and her clothes were adorned with laces and bows. A bundle of spam she had flung on her back, and she looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

Her eyes--How strange! One red, one green! Her joints were most odd, like dolls, it would seem! Her tiny little mouth was in no way a frown and her long curled hair was a rich dark brown.

She was tiny and fragile, such a cute little creature, And her small green dress was quite a feature. A wink of her eye and a twist of her head soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work, and spammed all the stickies, then turned with a jerk. And laying her finger aside of her nose, and giving a nod, out of the forum she rose.

She sprang to her sleigh, to her memes gave a whistle, And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard her exclaim, 'ere she vanished into the blue, "DESU DESU DESU, DESU DESU DESU DESU!"

Desu, reverse
nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp nsəp

Dickgirl sister
This time I knew I was in trouble. The look on my big sister's face made it clear that I was dead meat. I wasn't going to give up without a fight though. We crashed onto the bed and wrestled like mad, grunting and growling like a couple of crazy animals. It lasted a few minutes before she distracted me with a charley horse and pinned me to the mattress. We were both panting for breath and I was suddenly very aware of her boobs pressing against my back as she held me down. It was a good thing I was on my stomach. The grappling match had left me with a painfully stiff hard-on, embarassing but not terribly unusual. A gentle breeze could often make me hard those days. Acting tired, I relaxed and pretended to give up. I planned on trying to throw her off when she moved up to administer the standard thwacking, but she stayed laying on top of me and didn't move. Afraid that she was thinking up some new and even worse punishment, I quickly flipped myself over on the bed and almost succeeded at knocking her to the floor. She squealed and shoved me back down, hopping up to sit on my chest with her thighs locked around my head. Her leg had brushed against my crotch as she moved up, and to my surprise she suddenly reached back and grabbed my dick through my pants. "I thought I felt a little pin-prick,' she said, grinning evilly down at me.
"Shut up," was my witty comeback.
"Make me."
I struggled to push her off but her knees had a deathgrip on my head, squeezing down around it like a nutcracker. Still grinning, she reached down and started unbuttoning her fly. "I think you need to see what a real one looks like," she said, her voice quieter but no less malevolent.
I winced, afraid to look as she pulled out her cock.
This was *soooo* not right. I could already imagine the many years of therapy that were lying in wait for me. Still, I couldn't help but look. She had some trouble getting it out, and when she finally succeeded it was obvious why. She was just as hard as I was. Seeing a rigid penis sticking out from the fly of a teenage girl sitting on your chest is an experience that's not easy to describe, especially when that girl is your sister and you realize that her dick is bigger than your own. I found myself staring up at it in in a state of mild shock. It wasn't bad as far as penises go I guess; it was maybe five inches long and looked really smooth and clean. It was also, though I hate to admit it, almost *cute.*
She pinned my hands to the bed and looked down at me with a wicked gleam in her eyes. Her cheeks were turning a hot red color like she was blushing. I expected her to slap me with it or something, but she just sat there with her dick pointing slightly down at my face. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I suddenly realized that I was getting really turned on. There were so many things wrong here that it was hard to keep track. And it was about to get even worse. Cassie's grin had faded, replaced with an expression of…I wasn't sure what. Her face was suddenly serious and her boobs were rising and falling with her breathing. Her cock hung stiffly only a few inches away, aiming almost direcly for my mouth.
"Suck it," she said quietly, almost in a whisper.
I stared at her dick for a moment, not sure exactly what I wanted to do. I'd never even thought about trying something like this before, but... Without even fully realizing I was doing it, I lifted my head up and gave her cock a little lick. It smelled like the body wash she used and didn't really taste like anything. Not bad so far. I took the head between my lips and gave it a few experimental sucks. It felt warm and very stiff. Cassie gasped and leaned down over me, pushing herself further into my mouth. I started sucking harder and took as much as I could, feeling it twitch every time the head nudged against my throat. I wasn't sure if I was doing it right, but the way she was gasping and panting led me to believe that she liked it. She was gripping my hands so tight it almost hurt. Suddenly her whole body tensed up, and before I knew what was happening there was a sudden gush of warm, salty liquid in my mouth. She let out a low groan as her cock jumped again, pumping out more of her stuff. It tasted kinda gross. I guess I could have pulled my head away, but I think I was too stunned to move. For some reason I hadn't expected her to cum the same way a boy did. After a few more squirts, Cassie's body relaxed and she slowly rolled off me. She sat at the edge of the bed and looked at me for a second, then suddenly stood up and ran out of the room. Not sure what else to do, I went to the bathroom to spit the stuff out. I rinsed my mouth, feeling ashamed as I realized I was still hard as a rock. It was all very confusing. Did this mean I was gay? I walked to Cassie's room and stopped outside the door. I could hear the sound of quiet sobbing from inside. I didn't know what I should do. I wasn't even sure why she was crying. The situation was just too fucking weird. I went back to my room to fire up my Xbox and tried to forget about it for a while. Cassie avoided me for almost a week. I didn't know if she was disgusted with me or just ashamed of what had happened. I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but I knew that I didn't want things to stay weird between us forever. That weekend I waited until mom had gone to bed and then went down the hall to Cassie's room. I could see a faint light coming from underneath the door so I knew she was probably awake. I knocked softly.
"Cassie?"
There was a moment of silence. "Yeah?"
"Can I come in?"
Another pause, but shorter this time. "Okay."
I went in and closed the door behind me. Cassie was sitting on the edge of the bed wearing only a bra and a pair of boxers. It looked like she'd been reading a book. My eyes immediately locked on her boobs. They were pretty big and were pushing out of the top of her bra like she was starting to outgrow it. I forced myself to look up at her eyes, but she wasn't looking at me. Neither of us said anything for a few moments. "Uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for, um…" I trailed off, not sure how I should finish. There wasn't exactly a Hallmark message for this kind of thing. Cassie finally looked up at me, looking shocked. "*You're* sorry? Jesus." She got up and gave me an awkward hug. It was my turn to feel a bit surprised. She hadn't hugged me in years. I'd been more expecting her to scream and maybe throw something. I could feel her boobs pushing firmly against my chest, and it was starting to have an effect on me. My shorts suddenly felt much tighter.
"It wasn't your fault. I made you do it." She said, her head restling lightly on my shoulder. "Do you hate me?"
"No." I didn't. In fact, hugging her like this was making me feel warm and lightheaded.
"Good." She pulled away with a smile, but her smile quickly faded as she looked down and noticed my hard-on though my shorts.
"God, you are such a perv." She punched me on the chest and walked back to her bed.
"Yeah, well, so are you." I said, then as she turned back to glare at me I quickly lunged in and yanked her boxers down around her knees. Cassie shrieked and tried to hide herself as she reached to pull them up. I was still able to get a pretty good look. She didn't have much hair on her crotch. Her penis was semi-hard and I could see that she had a small set of balls hanging down below it. It was pretty weird seeing a package on the body of a sixteen year old girl, but I was starting to get used to weird things
"You are *so* dead!" She growled.
I decided to make a pre-emptive strike while she was still dealing with her underwear. I tackled her backwards onto the bed, managing to gain the upper hand as she kicked and growled at me. After a quick but frenzied struggle I was able to flip her onto her stomach and pin her hands. Resting my weight on top of her, I started wondering what I could do to embarrass her and pay her back a little. The fact that I'd managed to pin her on her own bed while she was half-naked was probably pretty humiliating by itself. I wasn't in much of a hurry to decide. Rare victories like this needed to be savored. Also, her butt was rubbing against me as she tried to push me off, and it felt kinda good. "Let go!" She twisted underneath me and I felt my dick slip between the cheeks of her ass. It lay trapped between us, pointed up at the small of her back. Sometimes I called her ‘Assie' because her rear end was kinda big, but mostly just because the name pissed her off. Right now though it was nothing to joke about. Her boxers were only covering her ass halfway and the warmth and softness of her butt was feeling really good even through my shorts. I had an idea that I shouldn't be doing this…it seemed almost like rape. It was the only position I could keep her down in though, and I knew that the second I let up she would kill me. Just then I noticed that she'd mostly stopped struggling. She was still twisting around a little but it didn't seem like she was trying very hard to knock me off. Mostly it was just making my dick rub against her ass even more. After a few moments it dawned on me that she might be doing it on purpose. I'm normally a bit quicker on the uptake, but the idea that Cassie could somehow *want* me to dry hump her butt just seemed crazy. Crazy or not, it was starting to feel pretty damn nice. I decided to risk seeing if I could make it even better. She didn't move as I let one of her hands go and worked my shorts open. I pulled her boxers down a little more, then moved back into place with my dick laying on her naked butt. I noticed quickly that the feel of skin on skin was much, much better. I moved my hips a little so that my cock rubbed slowly back and forth on the crack of her ass. I didn't know if this was what actual sex was like, but it felt awesome. I got so lost in the sensations of pushing against her butt that I didn't realize I was about to cum until it was already happening. I couldn't move, or even think as my stuff started launching out all over her back. I'd played with myself plenty of times, but this was the most intense cum I'd ever had. I moved off of her when it finally stopped, suddenly feeling ashamed of myself. Cassie's back and shoulders were streaked and messy with my sperm. Not seeing anything else to clean up with, I used my shorts to mop it up. She was still laying there quietly like she had been the whole time. The only way I knew she was even alive was from her steady breathing. I sat back on the bed, unable to keep from staring at her butt. There was just something about the curves of her hips and ass that was really hot. If I hadn't already known she was ‘different,' there would have been no way to tell from this angle. Acting on a sudden urge, I reached over and gently squeezed her ass with both hands. I kinda expected her to yell at me, but all I heard was something that sounded like a quiet moan. Wondering how far she would let me explore, I slowly pushed her cheeks apart until I could see her little pink butthole. It looked clean and was glistening slightly with sweat. Feeling strangely drawn to it, I moved my hand down and rubbed it lightly with my thumb. She gasped and I felt her jump a little, but she didn't say anything or push me away. I rubbed it again, then took my hand away and stood up. Maybe she liked me touching her butt, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do down there. Cassie rolled over on her back and looked at me. Her dick was very stiff and lying back against her stomach, the tip all shiny and wet-looking. I could see the shapes of her nipples poking against her bra. She just laid there watching me as I sat down next to her and put my hand around her cock. I started moving my hand slowly up and down, noticing how soft the skin felt despite how stiff it was. Even her dick seemed girly. I was thinking about sucking it a little when she suddenly moaned and raised her hips. I instinctively pumped a little harder as I saw a thick white jet of cum shoot out over my hand and land on her stomach. She kept flexing her hips as a few more spurts came out, then she fell limp with a long sigh. The sight of her cumming had made my own cock fully hard again. She saw it sticking up as I stood to wipe off my hand and her stomach. She groaned and rolled her eyes.
"Go to bed, Knob," she said, tugging her boxers back up. "Just remember that I owe you a beating." She grinned evilly and I made a hasty exit before she decided to make good on it.
Things were quiet for a few days. It was obvious to me that I was getting more and more attracted to my own sister, and it was just as obvious that it didn't bother me much. I knew it was wrong but it didn't feel like what we did was hurting anybody. Anyway, thinking about it too much just gave me a headache, so I stopped worrying. I did know that the idea of playing with another guy's dick still grossed me out. With Cassie it was different. One afternoon we were doing chores. I'd felt hyperactive all day, and when I saw Cassie leaning over in the kitchen to get something from under the sink I couldn't resist the urge to snap her with a damp rag. Her ass was just too tempting a target. The cloth impacted against her butt with a startlingly loud crack, and she yelped and spun around with murder in her eyes. I ran, laughing like a maniac the whole time. She cornered me in the living room before I could make the stairs. I tried to fake her out and jump past, but she caught me and tackled me down onto the couch. I did my best to escape, but her wet hands gave her an unfair advantage when grabbing my clothes. They also hurt when she pinned me face down with her knees in my back and started spanking me hard on the butt.
"If you're gonna act like a brat, you're gonna get treated like one," she said, her voice sounding stern though I was sure that she had a huge grin on her face. It wasn't really a typical spanking either. She rested her hand on my butt for a little while in between smacks, sometimes even squeezing it a bit. It was embarrasing and the spanking part hurt, but the more gentle stuff felt kinda good. After a few minutes she suddenly reached underneath me and put her hand on my crotch like she was checking to see if I was hard. And if course, I was.
"Perv." She gave me another hard whack on the ass, then let me up and went back to the kitchen. I followed slowly, my rear end smarting and my dick hard as a rock. I watched Cassie's butt as she walked, suddenly feeling more horny than I ever had in my life. She went back to the sink and a few seconds later I moved up from behind and grabbed her, my dick pressing against her ass. Even though I hadn't planned it that way, my hands ended up right on her boobs. They felt warm and heavy and really nice in my palms.
"Stop it." Cassie pulled my hands off her chest and wriggled away toward the counter.
I was way too turned on to listen. I caught her and put my hands back on her tits, squeezing them a little as I started rubbing against her like I'd done on her bed. I felt like I was going to cum even with our clothes still on. I kept expecting her to stop me again, but she didn't. She just leaned forward, putting her hands on the counter as I played with her boobs and slowly humped her butt. After only a few minutes I started to cum, feeling a rush of sticky heat fill my underwear. I rested up against her for a bit, feeling her boobs moving slowly up and down in my hands as she breathed. It felt really neat. Suddenly she turned around and pushed me down on my knees. I watched as she quickly undid her pants, her stiff cock falling out almost right away. I didn't hesitate. I started sucking it as hard as I could, hearing Cassie groan softly as she flexed her hips toward my mouth. I reached around and started feeling her butt as I sucked on as much of her dick as I could. The look on her face told me that she was really enjoying it, and I started to wonder what having my own sucked would feel like. She put her hand on my head and ran her fingers roughly through my hair, then a few seconds later her cock got even harder and started squirting in my mouth. It didn't taste as gross as I remembered, and I decided to swallow it and see what would happen. It didn't kill me. Cassie moaned and leaned back against the countertop, and I kept sucking her gently until she pushed me away. She gave me a weird little smile as I stood up, then smacked me again on the butt.
"Okay," she said, suddenly looking serious again. "Stop fucking around and finish your chores."

Diet Coke Girl
9th grade: My first sexual experience that actually involved nudity. While we're fondling each other, she asks me if I like Diet Coke.
Me: It's allright. Girl: Well, I LOVE it. How 'bout you go get me a bottle of it? I go downstairs and grab a 20 ounce bottle from the fridge. When I return, she says it's too cold.
Girl: How 'bout warming it up...by rubbing it on my tits? So I began to rub her vigorously with the bottle. Soon enough, she asks me to shove it inside of her. She really enjoys it, and so do I because I KNOW that, with this girl, I'm definantly going to get off. That's when it gets crazy. She rips out the bottle, opens it, and begins filling her vagina with Diet Coke. I swear, she nearly empties the volume into her vagina. I had seriously underestimated this vagina's liquid retention volume.
Girl: YOU LIKE DIET COKE?!?!?!? OH YEAH OH YEAH DRINK IT FROM ME! I was noticebly freaked me, but I did want to get off, and I didn't want my first load-blow to be into 18.7 fluid ounces of a 0-calorie beverage. I began to go down on her, until she said the exact wrong thing.
Girl: OH YEAH, DRINK IT FROM ME! I'M THE KOOL-AID MAN! OH YEAH! OH YEAH! I don't know how she did it with 16-year-old voice, but she sounded exactly like the Kool-Aid man from the commercials. I glanced at the wall, half-expecting him to burst through and over me a fruity beverage. I was extremely turned-off. She could tell, too. As she sat up to see what was wrong, she twisted her body in such a way that Diet Coke shot out of her vagina and all over my face, chest, and groin. And it was at that sticky, low-calorie moment that my parents chose to pull into the driveway.

Don't say another Goddamn word
Don't say another Goddamn word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say ANYTHING else - ONE word - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the Master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this Fear Engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming -as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of NOTHING will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark world will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.

E

Emo MySpace Guy
I'm very sad with my life, /b/. It's because I want a girlfriend. I try to get together on girls on MySpace, but it always ended up to fail, and backstab me RIGHT IN THE HEART. And these girls would say stuff like, "Leave me alone", "I'm calling the police if you stalk me on MySpace one more time..", or "Ew, you're so emo. Get away from me, freak, I already have a boyfriend." IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR, /B/. I WANT A GIRL WHO LOVES AND UNDERSTANDS ME SO FUCKING MUCH AND I CAN'T FIND HER. So that's why I'm looking around for other places. By the way, this is me in the pic. The scar is from the pain I suffered.

Bel Air Version
I'm very sad with my life, /b/. It's because I want a girlfriend. I try to get together on girls on MySpace, but it always ended up to fail, and backstab me RIGHT IN THE HEART. And these girls would say stuff like, "Leave me alone", "I'm calling the police if you stalk me on MySpace one more time..", or "Ew, you're so emo. Get away from me, freak, I already have a boyfriend." IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR, /B/. I WANT A GIRL WHO LOVES AND UNDERSTANDS ME SO FUCKING MUCH AND I CAN'T FIND HER. So that's why I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air' I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later' I looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air. By the way, this is me in the pic. The scar is from the pain I suffered.

Dexter's Secret
I'm very sad with my life, /b/. It's because I want a COOKIE. I try to get together on girls on MySpace, but it always ended up to THE FLORIDA EVERGLADES, I want a girlfriend, I want a girlfriend, I want a girlfriend, girlfriend, YUP, YUP, ARE YOU SNEAKING UP ON ME?! Get away from me, freak, YOU ARE A STUPID GIRL. GET OUT, freak, I already have A SECRET. DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR, /B/. IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR, /B/. WORMS AND PLASTIC MINNOWS. A BLOCK OF CHEESE. DEXTER'S SECRET DEXTER'S SECRET DEXTER'S SECRET DEXTER'S SECRET DEXTER'S SECRET...

Emo Myspace Guy's Reply
Random board, This is really me, Ryan, aka "Emo Myspace Guy" to some of you guys, and I just want to say whoever made that discussion board of me going all emo can DIE. The fucker has no right to make fun of my scar, it was a journey to hell and back from what I had to go through to live. Not only that, but I am NOT desperate for a girl. I don't need a girl at all. And this is me in the picture, I took down the pictures of me shirtless because of you fuckers.
Fuck you, 4chan. kthxbai
Ryan Shoemaker

Enjoy your aids
I recommend the following: Ignoring them, and making sure they lurk the fuck moar. If they post on 4chan, they'll stick out like a sore thumb and be underage b& in an instant. My message to the spritely little underaged weeaboo furfags: Congratulations on getting the anger of a few /b/tards, children. Well done. You pissed off a couple /b/tards and managed to escape the blunt of anonymous' wrath by laying low. However, you do need to lurk the fuck moar, as you are all underaged, retarded, brain-dead, hollow, valley girl white trash. I do look forward to seeing when you get your first boyfriend, and he rapes you for being such an annoying piece of shit, and leaves you a tattered mess, angry and bitter at the world. Maybe then you'll understand /b/ a bit better. However, as it stands now, you do not know /b/ from the worthless cunt between your legs. The first thing you should know is rule number #1: Do not talk about 4chan. And #2, DO NOT TALK ABOUT 4CHAN. These rules would seem eerily similar to a movie called, "fight club," which opened in box offices when you were all still in diapers. But it's not taken from fight club, it's just the way the rules are. Furthermore, I suggest you stop being such airheaded bimbos. It makes you look superficial, cheap and retarded. Also, please stop licking Japan's anus, and worshipping anything that comes from it. This is called, "weeaboo." Are you aware of the fact that Japan is completely xenophobic, and, if you had ever been to Japan, there's a good chance you would be given cold, icey stares and ignored like the worthless foreigner you are. Do keep in mind that when you reach the age of 18, you will probably need to continue to lurk moar. Maybe when you're old enough to actually have an opinion that matters, people will listen to you. Enjoy your aids, Anonymous.

Extra Gravy
Well, never mind all that, >>1. This has nothing to do with this thread, but would you just listen to me for a little bit? See, I went to the local Yoshinoya today. Right. Yoshinoya. And the damn place was packed so full of people, I couldn't even find a seat. So I looked around a bit, and I found a sign that said "150 yen off". What the hell is wrong with you people? Are you idiots or something? Any other day you wouldn't even think of going to Yoshinoya, but if it's 150 yen off, you all flock in here? It's just 150 fucking yen! 150 yen! And you're bringing the kids too. Look at that, a family of four going to Yoshinoya. Con-fucking-gratulations. And now the guy's going, "All right! Daddy's going to order the extra-large!" Shit, I can't watch any more of this. Yoshinoya should be fucking brutal. Two guys sit facing each other across a U-shaped table, and you never quite know if they'll suddenly just start a fight right there. It's stab-or-be-stabbed, and that's what so damn great about the place. Women and kids should stay the fuck away. Well, I finally found a seat, but then the guy next to me goes, "I'll have a large bowl with extra gravy!". So now I'm pissed off again. Who the fuck orders extra gravy these days? Why are you looking so goddamn proud when you say that? I was gonna ask you, are you really going to fucking eat all that gravy? I wanted to fucking interrogate you. For about a fucking hour. You know what? I think you just wanted to say "extra gravy". Now, take it from the Yoshinoya veteran. The latest thing among the Yoshinoya pros is this: Extra green onions. That's the ticket. A large bowl with extra onions, and egg. This is what someone who knows his shit orders. They put in more onions, and less meat. A large bowl with the raw egg, that's really fucking awesome. Now, you should know, if you keep ordering this, there's a risk employees might write you up. This really is a double-edged sword. I really can't recommend this for amateurs. And you, >>1, well, you should really just stick to today's special.

F

Fanart Dude, someone seriously needs to learn how to fucking draw. That arm is the size of her waist, and her vagina looks like a flapping.. something. WTF?

First gay experience

A man standing off the side of the path
Well my first gay experience happened like this: I was about 50 yards or so up this path when I noticed a man standing off the side of the path apparently staring into the woods. As I got closer I realized his pants were down around his ankles and I could see his ass. Now, I'm straight but I have to say that it was a really nicely shaped ass for a man and I took notice. I figured maybe he was drunk and just peeing in the bushes, so I started to walk quieter so I wouldn't disturb him. But as I got closer I started hearing strange grunts and sucking sounds. I realized there was another man blowing him. Now, I'm not gay but I slowed my pace down to watch. I slowed and approached the standing man from behind. His friend didn't take any notice as his eyes were tightly closed. I came right up behind the man standing so that I could have reached out and touched him. That's when I brought the cinder block down on his head, hard. He collapsed on top of his faggot friend and I quickly finished them both off. I rolled them into the bushes and finished my walk. That was only my first of many such gay encounters.

When I was 12
It's nothing I'm proud of and I still regret to this day Actually, it's nothing I'm proud of and I still regret to this day. But I digress. When I was 12, I told some of my friends that I thought I was gay. My one friend, Jessica, knew this gay 15 year old guy and showed him my picture. He thought I was cute. We talked for not even two days, and the next day, he came over. He started feeling my dick through my pants, and I felt his. I pulled down his pants, and he had this huge 9 inch boner. I sucked him off, then we did some jacking off to eachother. He did me up the ass for a bit. It REALLY hurt. I couldn't walk right for a few days, and it bled. Then we just jacked eachother off until we came. I felt so bad after that. Mainly because I find sex a mutual thing that you should do in a relationship. My one and only boyfriend dumped me for a girl he could show off to his friends Dear /b/, Thats right. I admit it. I'm gay. I'm queer. I love the taste of another man's seed in my mouth and the feel of it shooting up my ass. Yeah. Deal with it. I now admit this cuz my one and only boyfriend dumped me for a girl he could show off to his friends. After I did so much for him! I've taken him in my mouth and ass so much I could have had 100 baybies if I was a girl. He said he loved me, but when the cance came he ran. I'm lonely /b/. And the only way to get over stuff like this is to fill the void with porn. Help me /b/.

FLCL
ha ha, i watch flcl too. it's so underground. i thought i was the only one. we can die together.

Fleshlights
It's not the Fleshlight's fault It's not the Fleshlight's fault, really. Just the fact that trying to use the one I ordered for my 34th birthday has rammed home the basic fact that I am a loser and that I am never going to get laid in my life. I am apparently both too small and too big to use the Fleshlight. Small in the PENIS and big in the grossly overweight stomach. The result is that I apparently can't get very deep into the thing and experience the ribbing and other textures. I ordered four inserts at once, three supertights with the three sorts of textures -- wave, ribbed, bumped -- and one ultratight. With all of them I have been having an incredible struggle to find a comfortable position to get in with my enormous stomach to allow for using the thing long enough to get off. I apparently developed a way to masturbate by hand that deluded myself into thinking I was normal. I am obviously not. I can only seem to go about an inch and a half into this Fleshlight before my fat gets in the way and the smallness of my PENIS defeat the purpose. The incredible depression of the experience makes it hard for me to stay erect as the whole time I am thinking about what a deformed, out-of-shape loser I am, so I end up only half hard or less. Today is my 34th birthday. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, due to being a shy fatass with an ugly skin condition that I was afraid of having anyone see by taking my clothes off. I am so incredibly fucking lonely and depressed. I just want to be able to hug a woman, to hold her in my arms. Sex is frankly secondary to me, which is lucky given that I haven't had any except with my own hand. I bought this thing thinking I would treat myself and make myself happier, but it has just driven home how fucked I am. I guess my only hope at this point is to find a woman who doesn't mind me only using oral sex on her because my PENIS obviously doesn't work very well.

Fresh Prince

Fresh Pirate
Now here be a tale, all about how me life got flipped, turned upside-down, And I'd like to take a minute, So just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the pirate of a port called Bel-Air. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, On the shipyard is where I spent most of me days Chillin out, maxin', relaxin' all cool, And all shootin some cannons outside of the galleon When a couple of Brits, who were up to some good, Started shippin' gold in me neighborhood, I got in one little battle and me captain got scared He said 'You're movin with your first mate and cabin boy in Bel-Air!' I whistled for a dingy and when it came near The side said 'S.S. Fresh' And it had dice in the mast! If anything I could say that this dingy was rare But I thought 'Yarr, forget it - Yo, mate to Bel-Air!' I pulled up to the port about seven or eight, I yelled to the captain 'Yo mate, smell thee later!' Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there To sit on me throne as the pirate of Bel-Air!

Fresh Pirate Bel-Aired
Now here be a tale, all about how me life got flipped, turned upside-down, And I'd like to take a minute, So just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the pirate of a port called Bel-Air. In West Philadelphia, born and raised, On the shipyard is where I spent most of me days Chillin out, maxin', relaxin' all cool, And all shootin some cannons outside of the galleon When a couple of Brits, who were up to some good, Started shippin' gold in me neighborhood, I got in one little battle and me captain got scared He said 'You're movin with your first mate and cabin boy in Bel-Air!' I whistled for a dingy and when it came near The side said 'S.S. Fresh' And it had dice in the mast! If anything I could say that this dingy was rare But I thought 'Yarr, forget it - Yo, mate to Bel-Air!' I pulled up to the port about seven or eight, I yelled to the captain 'You're movin with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air!' I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said 'Fresh' And it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought 'Nah, forget it - Yo, home to Bel-Air!' I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo home, smell ya later!' Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air!

Fresh Parents
FUCK YOU /B/, I TRIED TO EXPLAIN /B/ TO MY PARENTS, SO I LOAD UP 4CHAN, TELL THEM 'OK, YOU'LL SEE SOME DISGUSTING STUFF, I GUARANTEE IT' AND THERE'S FUCKING CP ON THE FIRST FUCKING PAGE. I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU AS LONG AS I LIVE AND SHE SAID, "you're movin with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I WHISTLED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR THE LICENSE PLATE SAID "FRESH" AND IT HAD DICE IN THE MIRROR. IF ANYTHING I COULD SAY THIS CAB WAS RARE BUT I THOUGHT "NAH FORGET IT... YO HOLMES TO BEL AIR!" I PULLED UP TO THE HOUSE ABOUT 7 OR 8 AND I YELLED TO THE CABBY "YO HOLMES SMELL YOU LATER!" I LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM I WAS FINALLY THERE TO SIT ON THE THRONE AS THE PRINCE OF BEL AIR."

Whoever reported me??
Thank you, whoever reported me. Now PayPal is threatening to close the account Because I seem to be holding a lottery. Never have I seen so many ingrates. Not that you have to give me money, just so many people taking 4chan for granted and not even trying to understand a absolutely wacky situation. That whole post was for a loan of sorts and trying to possibly get rid of $500 in merchandise I'd otherwise sell for a pittance to someone who doesn't care. Oh well. Anyway, here is my address again. If you want the PayPal one, you'll have to move in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. You have to whistle for a cab and when it comes near the license plate will say fresh FRESH and there'll be dice in the mirror. If anything you could say the cab is rare but yu'll think "Nah forget it... Yo homes to Bel-Air!" You'll pull up to the house about 7 or 8 and yell to cabby "Yo Holmes Smell you later!" Then look at your kingdom your was finally there! Now sit on your throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

thats it!
that's it I thought the CP faggotry would end, but I am now posting an e-mail to the local police office, hopefully they will contact doug I hope that doug realises that he has to remove the pedo shit out of /b/, or /b/ won't exist anymore. I like /b/, and SAID, "you're movin with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said FRESH and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say this cab was rare but I thought "Nah forget it... Yo homes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to cabby "Yo Holmes Smell you later!" I looked at my kingdom I was finally there to sit on the throne as the Prince of Bel-Air."

Double batch of copy pasta
Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I liked to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys Who were up to no good Startin makin trouble in my neighborhood I got in one lil fight and my mom got scared She said "I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest. "How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor. "Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing. Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it. God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands lal over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy. I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear. I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head."

WoW
Yeah, i went from EVE to WoW. The thing is, EVE lacks so much content. Yeah, its fun to the newbie zone and pod people with a single torpedo. But advancing just takes so much longer to do, and its not fun. Its not fun to travel 15 jumps just to get ganked by pirates. Then you lose your ship, need to make more money, bla bla bla. Whenever i tried to mine in some of the safer zones there was always 4 or 5 strip miners there. You run over to within a Kilometer of the astroid when they pop, and then some uber miner drains it in one hit from like 100 miles away. Another thing that disappointed me is that you couldnt get near to planets, or land on them. I tried to whistle for a cab and when it came near The license plate said "Fresh", and it had dice in the mirror If anything I could say that this cab was rare But I thought man forget it yo homes to Bel-Air I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 And I yelled to the cabbie 'yo homes smell ya later' Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air

Fresh Incest
She said "you're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air" I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "fresh" and had a dice in the mirror if anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air I pulled up to a house about seven or eight And I yelled to the cabby "yo, home smell you later" looked at my kingdom I was finally there to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-air. My first day in Bel-Air was very awkward. I didn't know the Banks, and even though they were all family, they were total strangers. My aunt Vivian was very kind and welcoming. My uncle Phil was friendly as well, but at the same time very intimidating. My cousins Carlton and Hilary were nice enough, but our personalities definitely clashed. This, of course, led to many bizarre and crazy adventures. I was a fish out of water, basically. I grew up in the tough streets of Philedelphia. I didn't have very much money. To keep my head above water financially I would release rap albums and appear in films, Including Men In Black, Wild Wild West, and I, Robot. Now, I was thrown into a whole new world. The world of the upperclassman. The wealthy. The sophisticated. The whole ordeal was just crazy for me. It was hard at first, but the move to Bel-Air became worth it as soon as I got to know Ashley, another cousin I shared my new home with. Ashley was just your average teenage girl I guess, with typical teenage girl problems- boy troubles, insecurity, school, etc. I got along with her pretty well, better than Carlton or Hilary at least. We didn't fight or cause problems for one another so I found it very comforting to spend time around her. She even seemed to enjoy my in-your-face, quirky attitude at times, unlike the others who found it tedious and exhausting. I found myself growing very close to her. The first few years were a lot of fun. I really turned the Banks lives upside down. Just as I had found my life changed completely, so did they. I got up to a lot of mischief in Bel-Air. The Banks would often get involved in this, much to their dismay. I was definitely a handful for them, but I think deep down they enjoyed my stay in Bel-Air. I think they knew I meant well and no matter how much trouble I got in my intentions were always pure. As time passed I continued to get closer to Ashley. I would help her with her problems and she really appreciated that. It was innocent enough at first. She was just a good friend and I enjoyed her company. But things changed quickly. After enough time in Bel-Air, I fell in love with her. I felt guilty for feeling this way. She was my cousin! How could I be attracted to her? I knew it was wrong and I tried to ignore my feelings at first. I tried to convince myself I wasn't in love with her, but it was difficult. I began to try to distance myself from her before my feelings got any more intense. However, I could only keep lying to myself for so long. I tried to accept the fact that I could never be more than a cousin to her. We could never be "together," no matter how bad I wanted her. I was ok for a little while. I started to accept the fact that my love for Ashley could never become anything more than fantasy, but sharing a home with her made this extremely tough. I couldn't avoid her even if I wanted too. By then we were already good friends and she had learned she could confide in me with her problems and her thoughts, so she was always coming to me to talk. Ashley sure didn't make it easy for me.

One day, when I had the house all to myself, I walked past Ashley's room and saw that her door was left open. I peaked in and saw a pair of her panties on the floor. A purple thong. It made me horny just looking at it. "That's disgusting," I said to myself. "She's your cousin." I walked away from her door and tried to forget it. I began to walk downstairs when I stopped myself. I turned around and went back to her room. I walked in and spent about an hour sniffing Ashley's used panties. I got so horny as I sat on her bed, sampling her sweet vaginal odors. I licked the inside of every pair of panties I could find, desperate to get any taste of her sweet pussy that I could. Finally I was able to accept my feelings for Ashley. I was no longer disgusted with myself and I enjoyed every whiff of Ashley's pussy that I could get. Then, she walked in. I had lost track of time and I didn't realize school was over for the day. She walked in on me sniffing a blue thong I took out of her hamper. "Will!" she said. "What are you doing!?"
"Is anyone else here?" I asked.
"No," she said. "Will..." I shut her door and locked it. "What are you doing in my room, Will?" she asked, sort of panic stricken.
"I'm sorry, Ashley. It's time. Lay down."
"What? No!" she replied. I grabbed her and forced her onto her bed. She tried to scream but I covered her mouth with my hand. She was helpless. She fought with all her strength but I was too big for her. she kicked, scratched, and bit, but it just made me hornier. I tore her clothes off and admired her beautiful body. She continued to scream her desperate screams, none of them being heard by anyone but me and her. I tore my clothes off and imposed my will on her. I didn't think she was a virgin, but she had a pussy that was only tight enough to be a virgins. She cried out in pain as I fucked her. It didn't take long. Only a few seconds and I was ready to cum all over her pretty face. I pulled out and shot my load right into her face. She cried in humiliation. The more she cried the hornier I got. In fact, I was already ready for round too. I flipped her over and smacked her beautiful ass a few times. She continued to cry, and it only got worse when I shoved my dick into her tight little virgin asshole. It was so fucking tight I could barely fit it in her.
"PLEASE WILL! I HAVE ALL YOUR ALBUMS! PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME. I'VE SEEN 'WILD WILD WEST' 3 TIMES! DON'T RAPE ME!!!"
"That's very flattering," I said, "but I'm not finished with you." I continued to rape her anally. It was the greatest moment of my life. Her ass was so god damn tight. Finally I came again, shooting a gigantic load of cum directly into her black ass. I pulled out and spread her asshole open and watched my cum drop out all over the bed. I scooped some of it up with my fingers and made her lick it off. She struggled but eventually gave in. I made her eat all the cum I could manage to scoop out of her asshole. Her cried were quiet now. I guess she lost her voice. She could only sob quietly as I forced her to eat my cum fresh out of her asshole.
"Please, no more!" she said weakly.
"I'm done with you for now. But I'll be back for you. I'm going to keep fucking you for as long as I'm in Bel-Air. You are mine now, Ashley. Your pussy and your tight asshole belong to me. I hope you like eating cum because you're gonna be doing a lot of that." She looked up at me. A combination of cum and tears flowed down her face. Weakly and painfully, she looked me in the eye, wiped her tears away and said "You're moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air" I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said "fresh" and had a dice in the mirror if anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-air I pulled up to a house about seven or eight And I yelled to the cabby "yo, home smell you later" looked at my kingdom I was finally there to settle my throne as the prince of Bel-air"

Loli Graduation
Not copypasta. I just didn't really have an appropriate image. I had to come and tell you guys this. Well, after the fapping. Right, so, my brother is about eight years younger than me. Tonight he graduated from elementary school. I ended going along, partly because my brother's an okay guy and partly because my parents dragged me. So I got there, and the first thing I saw was that there were all these lolis. And the thing about elementary school grad lolis is that they like to think they're grown up. So, of course, they were all dressed really slutty. That was probably the third reason I stayed. Awesome smooth backs and delicious flat chests. So the entire night was like slutty lolis on parade. But then, near the end of the ceremony, this one loli, who was trying not to look slutty and so was wearing a dress that went down to her feet (but strapless, so she still failed at the not slutty look) goes up. She walked across the stage and got her diploma, and then she headed for the stairs down. Then, right as she got there, she stepped on the bottom of her skirt. I could tell right away it was going to go. She slipped forward and tried to grab it, but by then it was over her delicious flat chest and about to go the whole way. To top it off, she was stumbling toward the stairs. She was about to fall and my mom got scared, she said "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air." I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, The license plate said "fresh" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, But I thought "Nah forget it, Yo home to Bel Air." I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby "Yo holmes, smell ya later." Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

Good Night, Fresh Prince
Actor/Musician Will Smith, Dead At 37 Monday, June 26th, 2006 Posted: 4:42 PM EST (16:42 GMT) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (AP) -- Will Smith, the famous actor and musican, has died late Sunday night in his home town of Philadelphia. Smith, 37, was killed in a car accident late in the evening. Smith was stuck by a taxi cab while speaking with his wife Jada Pinkett Smith, the cab was speeding and came onto the sidewalk striking Smith and throwing him face first against the windshield. Smith was killed instantly. One eyewitness who will remain nameless stated "The last thing he saw was the dice on the mirror". "This is a long sad day for us." Wayne Phillips Philadelphia chief of police said. Will Smith was the second of four children of Caroline and Willard Smith Sr. He grew up in middle class West Philadelphia and got the nickname 'Prince' because of the way he could charm his way out of trouble. Pursuing music, he met Jeff Townes at a party and they soon began performing together as DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. After his music sales stated to slide Will began an acting career on the hit TV Show "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Will basically played himself; a street-smart West Philly kid transplanted to Beverly Hills. The series lasted 6 years. During that time, he ventured into movies where the critics took note of him. In 1996 he had a huge hit with the Blockbuster Independence Day where he played the alien-battling Marine Corps Captain Steven Hiller. The accident was a hit and run and the perpetrator is still at large. According to eyewitnesses the license plate on the vehicle said "FRESH" Phillips said "It's a really sad moment for us."

Fried Pig Pussy
Mmmmmm... Fried pig pussy! Once you eat one of these pig pussy pork rinds, you'll never eat another.. human pussy again. But FUCK human pussy! I fuck dead pigs. You'll read all about it in heartburn how I fuck them dead pigs before I turn em into pork rinds! I couldn't get no twat from serenity back then. She only wanted dildos in her pussy twat. Big phony bologna dicks. But now she wants this real cock. Come here serenity lets show these assholes how we fuck. Lets show these assholes how we fuck. My sweet sweet serenity. Fuck an umbilical cord out of your phony asshole, and I'll hang a pig with it, while I impregnate you with my 80 year old pork rind dick. You'll give birth to a dead pig and we'll cut him into pork rinds. All in pork rinds of god. In a land that speaks only with its eyes. No language, no dildos, no fucking laws! Where the whores can't sell their pussy. Or use their twats to gold dig. A land where us warriors run free with our big dicks out, and our fucking hair wild. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Eat pork rinds, eat dead pigs. Salt their dead skin and put em in plastic bags. Fuck you, you fucking, farting robots. Suck my dead pig. Suck my dead pig!

meh i'll do the rest later

Furries Yes, I am a fox Yes, I am a fox. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my animal soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w wolf!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the fandom and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I have SEX with my boyfriend. Yes, I am a fox spoofs Brahm Tribute Yes, I am football. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my stadium soul long ago and I am happy together with my "dirty" explosive devices (which are useless w/o trucks!). We have a fucking lot of games in and outside of open areas and I am pretty fatal and other fatalities will later occur as result from radioactive fallout. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid cnn while I go KILL 100,000 from the initial blasts. Itty Bitty Boat Yes. I am an itty bitty baby. So? I don't see any problem. I learned to habeeb it a long time ago and am happy with my boyfriend (who is a cute I/B boat btw). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the twinkie house. But thanks anway asshole. Go ahead and not believe it while I have sex with my DAD! Communist Yes, I hate America. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my communist soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute freedom fighter!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the country and I am pretty smart and well-mannered. But thanks anyway, asshole. Go and post your stupid flames while I support the revolution with my boyfriend. Liquid Yes, I got all of the Old Man's dominant genes. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my dominant genes long ago and I am happy with my genotype (that is a Deoxyribonucleic acid strip!). You have a fucking lot of recessive genes in and outside of each of your chromosomes and you are a fag. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and infiltrate your stupid Shadow Moses while I RECONSTRUCT Outer Heaven. Nebula Yes, I am a nebula. So? I don't see the problem. I learned to embrace my inter-galactic gases long ago and am happy with my boy friend (Who isn't a cute b/r quazar btw). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the universe and I'm pretty gasy and shiney. But thanks anyway asshole. Have fun with your puny solar system while I create new stars with my QUAZAR!! Pedophile Yes, I am a pedophile. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my childloving soul long ago and I am happy together with my girlfriend (who is a cute 8-y.o. girl!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the FBI and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I have SEX with my girlfriend. Gentoo Yes, I use Gentoo. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my Gentoo distro long ago and I am happy together with my workstation (that is a stage 1 box!). I have a fucking lot of ebuilds in and outside of portage and my CFLAGS are pretty optimized and solid. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and use your stupid Debian while I EMERGE new ebuilds. Bix Nood Yes, I am a bix nood. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my ebony soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute nigra!). We have a fucking lot of gangs in and outside of the fandom and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid white shit while I have SEX with my boyfriend. Republican Yes, I am a Republican. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my lack of a soul long ago and I am happy together with my money (which has bought me lots of hookers!). We have a fucking lot of confidants in and outside of the Congress and I am pretty fat and balding. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and pursue your stupid liberal shit while I have SEX with my blow-up doll. Mushroom Yes, I am a mushroom. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my fungal soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w lichen!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the fandom and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I have SEX with my boyfriend. Space Marine Yes I'm a space marine, so? I don't see any problem. I embraced my imperial soul long ago and am very happy with my immortal carrion lord (Who's a cute b/w corpse), we have many friends inside and outside of the Imperium and am pretty armoured and tough-looking. But thanks anyway asshole, enjoy your heresy while I DO GLORIOUS BATTLE with my god-emperor. Sandwich Yes, I am a ham sandwich. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my whole wheat soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute pastrami on rye!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the foodom and I am pretty low fat and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I spread mustard on my boyfriend. Catholic Yes, I am a christian. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my jesus-loving soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w priest!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the church and I am pretty slim and good looking young man. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and believe in your stupid "fact" shit while I have SEX with my minister. Button Yes, I am a button. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my interruptor-soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute on/off switch!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the circuit and I am pretty red and good designed. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and have your stupid short-circuits while I have CONTACT with my boyfriend. C Compiler Yes. I'm a C programmer. So? I don't see a problem. I embraced my UNIX soul long ago and I am happy together with my compiler (who is a cute layered front/backend design!). We have a fucking lot of functions in and outside of the kernel and I am pretty compact and resource conserving. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and beat off to your stupid garbage collection shit while I #INCLUDE with my preprocessor. Stormtrooper Yes, I am a stormtrooper. So? I don't see any problem. I embraced my Imperial soul long ago and I am happy working with my commanding officer (who is a cute 1st lieutenant.) We have a lot of friends in and outside of the Empire and I am pretty slim and good looking, for a clone. But thanks anyway, Rebel trash. Go and watch your stupid resistance shit while I have TRAINING EXERCISES with my officer. Ringer box Yes, I am a Western Electric Type 315H ringer box. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my obsolete telephonic technology soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w Northern Electric bell box, type N-43-AB, with 2.5K ohm ringer!) We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the telephone system and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I RING MY BELLS with my boyfriend. Gorn Yes, I am a gorn. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my warlike reptilian soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute b/w raptor!). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the Federation and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I disembowel mammals with my boyfriend. Weeaboo Yes, I am a weeaboo. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my japanese soul long ago and I am happy together with my real doll (who is a cute 8yo loli!). We don't have any friends in and outside of the fandom and I am pretty fat and ugly looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and have sex with your girlfriend while I'll fap to my anime porn. PS3 Fanboy Yes, I am a PS3 Fanboy. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my Sony soul long ago and I am happy together with my handheld system (which is a brand-new PSP with its very own suitcase). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of the Gamefaqs boards and I have around 75 ps2 games. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and play your stupid Microsoft shit while I go camping to buy my REAL next-gen system. Metapod Yes, I am a Metapod. So? I dont see any problem. I embraced my pokémon soul long ago and I am happy together with my boyfriend (who is a cute weedle). We have a fucking lot of friends in and outside of Viridian Forest and I am pretty slim and good looking. But thanks anyway asshole. Go and watch your stupid anime shit while I harden myself beyond belief! Sophisticated gentleman Indeed it is true, I identify closely with small omnivorous canids. I see no problem with this inclination, do you? I long ago embraced the rust-colored spirit within me and have found much comfort and delight in my dear male friend, who is himself a lovely member of the family canis lupus. The two of us enjoy many acquaintances within and without the close-knit community of animal friendship and I consider myself to be extremely attractive. Consider your advances spurned, cretin. Immerse yourself in moving pictures from the Orient while I take my leave to indulge in CARNAL PLEASURES with my gentleman caller. Eagerfox Here we go again, another fucking dickhead trying to tell me how to live my life. This babyfur_watch asshole on here, commenting on my LJ telling me that im making a big mistake by throwing away my college education just to, quote, "Roll around in crapped diapers and meddling in cheap and petty BDSM fetishes." Who the fuck do you think you are saying this shit, i swear to the fuckin heavens above if i knew where you were, i would come over, break my foot off in your ass and slice your damn throat. I have enough crap coming from my dad and grandmother about the way im living my life, so i dont need to hear it from some fucking scumbag like you. There are two things you do not fuck with when it comes to me, my friends and my lifestyle. You screw with either one of those things and you're gonna have one pissed off fox on your ass. Just becuase im a babyfur doesnt mean that i dont have a dark side, i will go medevil on you if you provoke me. I'm getting fuckin sick and tired of these fuckers thinking that since we're babyfurs that they can push us around and redicule us and not have us fight back. Most, if not all of us babyfurs get pissed off if an outsider decides to fuck with us. You may not like the fact that we are babyfurs, but you will fucking respect it, that's all we ask anyways. Everyone has their fetishes, and ours just happens to be wearing and using diapers, sucking on pacifiers and bottles, wearing baby clothes and acting like baby's. We aint hurtin no one by doing this, but there are some that are making it seem that way, which is complete and udder bullshit. As far as the BDSM stuff go, so what, i wanna be owned by someone and dommed by them, big deal. Keep your fucking comments to yourself if all they're gonna do is gonna piss off whoever your sending it to. Use common since you stupid pricks...oh wait, you dont have any! Eagerfox spoofs Itty Bitty Baby Here we go again, another fucking dickhead trying to tell me how to habeeb it. This ittybittybaby_watch asshole on here, commenting on my LJ telling me that im making a big mistake by throwing away my college education just to, quote, "Don't believe it" Who the fuck do you think you are saying this shit, i swear to the fuckin heavens above if i knew where you were, i would come over and punch you in the face. I have enough crap coming from my cute dad about the way im living my life, so i dont need to hear it from some fucking itty bitty boat like you. There are two things you do not fuck with when it comes to me, my itty bitty baby and my twinkie house. You screw with either one of those things and you're gonna have one pissed off itty bitty baby on your ass. Just becuase im an itty bitty baby doesnt mean that i dont have a twinkie house, i will go medevil on you if you provoke me. I'm getting fuckin sick and tired of these fuckers thinking that since we're itty bitty babies that they can push us around and habeeb us and not have us fight back. Most, if not all of us itty bitty babies get pissed off if an outsider decides to fuck with us. You may not like the fact that we are itty bitty babies, but you will fucking respect it, that's all we ask anyways. Everyone has their fetishes, and ours just happens to be not believing it. We aint hurtin no one by doing this, but there are some that are making it seem that way, which is complete and udder bullshit. As far as the habeebing it stuff goes, so what, i wanna not believe it, big deal. Keep your fucking comments to yourself if all they're gonna do is gonna piss off whoever your sending it to. Use common since you stupid pricks...oh wait, you dont have any! Tony, Age 20 I've been a Furry for 10 years now and want to stop. The problem is that the group of furs that I hang out with don't like me now and if I took my fursuit off, they would probably beat me up and kill me. My last boyfriend (a cute b/w wolf) gave me herpes on my ass and now I have a hard time taking a shit. Sometimes I have to take an Ex-lax so my shit will come out easy. I've never had sex with a girl, because I don't know how to pick them up. That's why I turned Furry. But now I'm just tired of guys ripping my ass when they don't use lubrication. I've had to get stitches three times. I went out with a fox last night who said he only gives, he doesn't receive, so I had to suck his dick and he made me swallow or he would kick my ass. - Tony, Age 20, Austin, Texas G Copypasta:George Zimmer Image:Legendary_icon.gif I lost my virginity to a goat I lost my virginity to a goat. I was working at a bird sanctuary and they had some goats and sheep there. I was left to close up one day and I thought i'd stay around because the weather was awesome and it was so peaceful. I got horny and decided to act on all the animal porn i'd watched and found so fucking hot. I tied one of the goats up in one of the hay barns and fucked it bareback in the ass. It was fucking amazing and I was shit scared in case I got caught. That was like 6 years ago and since then I've fucked about 8 girls and 2 guys and nothing was as good as that goat. I'm planning on doing something similar again soon and on a regular basis. Grow up, 4chan Attention 4chan! I recently came upon 4chan when a friend recommended I visit the sites for a few laughs. I figured "What the hell? I could use some laughs." I must say that when I came on I was disgusted and not amused at all. Why you ask? Because everything on this entire site is literally shit! I mean yes there is funny pictures posted every now and then. But honestly; Do any of you little shits have a life? I mean are you so immature and unintelligant that you find things like cartoon porn and random naked UNDERAGE children funny? GROW UP! Grow up 4chan. You all seriously need a reality check, You could be doing so many things in the day, yet you all choose to sit around on your fucking fat ugly asses and post pictures and then make sarcastic or idiotic comments like "tits or gtfo" "o rly?" and "Manchester united!". Get off your fat asses and do something better with your life. I mean all of you obviously have no life or a social life either for that matter. Why? Because your so immature and your the very reason why Mother's go through Depression during pregnancy; and the supposed "girls" that come on here and converse with you are just as much losers are you, they are either fatter then fatty-tan or a term you'd better understand as "A trap". Well I've put in my two cents, and on a last note, I hope you all one day realize just how much of a loser you are, and honestly kill yourself. I could care less if every single one of you got testicular cancer including the girls and then died naked fat and ugly with a pile of shit and pee oozing from your bowels that excavated due to your death. Grow up Assholes! -DG H Hal Raid At 9:14 PM, Aion said... 4chan systematically banned the ips of the people engagin in these attacks, they have enough trouble paying for the bandwidth already, they don't need nor want any prosecutions. 7chan on the other hand, is FULL of the rejects of totse, roguescience (roguesci) and the rorta. The ADMINISTRATORS of 7chan even took part in this by coordinating the attacks. You little kids argue about laws. Well guess what, i've been charged with hacking before you even knew how to connect to internet. It doesn't work like you think over "OMG DDOS MUST BE 10K DAMAGE", because ddos attacks aren't about money, they are about denying access to a server, which is precisely what you did, no matter the way you did it. You leeched hal's website thousands of times, thus rendering it unable to be seen by "normal users". That brings 2 charges on you : - Hacking (ddos) - Conspiracy in order to commit several federal crimes. Anonymous isn't as anonymous as you think. In fact, nobody is anonymous on internet, no matter what proxy you use, how many Tor links you go thru, your isp keeps records of ALL the data you SENT. That means if a subpoena is arriving on the desk of an AOL chief, they'll just browse thru logs to see who spiked so much in connections per second, it's as simple as that. Last but not least, and i take great gratification in that, is that i was able to locate the physical location of "g0sp", the "chief" of these little "know it all" band of retards. :) I know you are keeping track, i know you browse this site. In fact, i know everything about you. Your name, where you live, where your parents live, what you've been doing these five last years. You decided to fuck with the wrong person. As i write this, 3 files are issued. - Conspiracy to commit international fraud. (the pizza/dhl deliveries) - Distribution and organization of child pornography networks (sweet justice heh?) - Release of death threats via various communication networks. Funniest above all is that i'm in belgium, and belgium doesn't extrade it's citizens. That means i can fuck all i want with your website, break millions of US laws, nothing will ever happend. You and your 7chan are about to go down, legal and illegal efforts combined. Just wanted to let you know. Hey, /b/. Remember me? Hey, /b/. Remember me? The guy from yesterday with the loli /b/tard cousin? Yeah. I have a story for you. I had to improvise a lot on the dialogue, (You wouldn't have remembered most of it either.) and I threw in a bit of dramatizations for /b/'s benefit, but it's mostly true. The day went off as planned. My mom and aunt were headed to the stores, with me and the loli (name withheld) left alone. I wasn't expecting much to change, just that I'd have someone that actually understands it when I use memes in speech. But something was wrong. She was acting shy and nervous, not bouncy and playful like usual. I instantly thought "OH FUCK SHE READ THE THREAD," but I dismissed it on the counts that her mom is strict and she wouldn't risk jacking her mom's laptop to browse /b/. Either way, I was stuck with her for a few hours and I figured I'd get to the bottom of it eventually. "So, what do you wanna do?" I asked, as usual. "Did you eat? Any movies you'd like?" "Yeah, I ate. And I already watched all the good movies," she replied. "Any games, then?" "...Not really." "Boy, you're lots of fun today. What's wrong?" "...Nothing." "C'mon, I know you, something's wrong." "...I read the thread." Oh fuck. I'd like to remind you that I described her as quite fappable, with the cutest ass ever in this thread. "...Which thread?" I asked, hoping that, by some stroke of luck, it was a different thread. She replied, "...The one about me." OH FUCKING FUCK. FUCK YOU /B/ AND YOUR FUCKING COPYPASTA ARRGGH HOW THE FUCK DID SHE READ THAT FUCK MY LIFE'S OVER FUCK FUCK She followed up, "...Do you really think my butt's cute?" Oh god. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I just inadvertantly revealed that I was a pedo. Oh god, she's going to tell her mom, and she's going to tell my mom, and she's going to tell the rest of the family. I tried to get out of it. "Oh, that? Nah, that was just me being a /b/tard," I said. I suck at lying, so it must have been blatantly obvious to her. "...So, you--" she began to say, as I suddenly decided that I was screwed either way and decided to be truthful. "Wait. Disregard that, I suck cocks. I do." (That's a direct quote, there. I was surprised I said that.) "...You do?" "Yeah. Cutest ever. Don't tell anyone, please. I don't think you know, but I could get in SERIOUS trouble just for admitting that." "I know, I know..." And now we were just kind of awkwardly looking at the floor. I was expecting her to hit me or yell at me or something any minute. "...Want to play Monkey Ball?" she asked. "Uh, sure," I answered. What the hell? She just blows it off like that? Oh my god, did I just manage to get out of this? Wait. Is she planning something? Is she trying to get me to think that she just disregarded it so I'll be shocked later when she tells? DAMNIT, WHAT IS GOING ON? Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had this exact situation playing out in doujin form, ending in sex. (As all good doujins do.) She took off toward the room with the Gamecube, and I took note of the fact that she wasn't gloomily walking around anymore. I think I even saw her smile. Was she HAPPY about this? Did she take it as a compliment? ...Maybe I will get to stick it in her pooper. This is so fucking confusing. I hate women. I followed her into the room. She already had the top open on the GC and was searching around for the SMB2 case when I got in there. I pointed her to it and dug out the second controller as she put the game on. Maybe this would turn out fine after all. Maybe she just wanted to beat my ass at monkey dogfight again to get off the subject. Either way, she was ready to play, and I wasn't about to give her a reason to tell someone about what I said. We started out playing the party games and eventually moved on to competing for the best times on the stages. We didn't say much to eachother, aside from the usual "BOOM!"-type in-game talk. ...I think I said, "SURPRISE, COCKFAGS!" accidentally once. She got bored with it after awhile and turned and looked at me. Oh hell, I thought, here comes more awkwardness. As seemed to be the trend for this day, she did the opposite of what I was thinking. "Any other good games? I can't believe I've been here all week without playing them," she said. "Well, the game shelf's over there, go see if there're any you like." "Sure," and she hopped over to the shelf I pointed her to. ...I guess she really did just disregard it. Then why was she acting so nervous before? She's not really that self-conscious, why would she even care if she wasn't mad? Gah. It was around this point that I realized that I've put more attention towards her than I've ever put towards any girl I've ever dated. I tried to get hard but the fakeness and copy pasta kept it firmly to the floor "How about Mario Sunshine?" she asked. "Sure. It's one-player, though." "We'll take turns." I loaded up a new game. "I don't know how Peach stands all that pink," she commented, watching the cutscene. "Pink's not that bad," I said, realizing that I liked pink more than the eleven-year-old girl next to me. She looked at me oddly. Finally, the cutscenes ended, so I handed her the controller and said, "You go first." We played a few levels, I died once being an idiot. Then, while I was playing, she looked at me. I was expecting her to say something, so I just kept playing. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. WHAT IS GOING ON WHY IS SHE KISSING ME WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DO IT AT A POINT WHERE I HAD TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME FGSFDS Needless to say, I was pretty stunned. The loli doujin in the back of my mind was getting farther and farther in the front. "...Uh?" I asked. "I thought you'd like that," she replied, smiling. Since when do women kiss you because they think you'd like it? What the hell is going on? "...Uh. ...Okay," I replied. Not knowing what to do, I unpaused the game and started playing again. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, since you don't get the point, I'll just say it: I like you. I've liked you since we met, but I never brought it up 'cause we're cousins, and that'd be weird. But when I found out you liked me, too..." The only two things that were on my mind were the loli doujin in my head and how much I was going to flaunt this on /b/ later. "So, you get the point now?" she asked. "Uh, sorta," I replied. "Now, I know it'll be really weird if we do anything... but I guess kissing is okay." HEAVEN BELLS RINGING "Alright," I said, quickly becoming more comfortable with this. Then we kissed. It wasn't a movie-style, "slowly move your faces together" kiss, she just charged right in there. And it was fucking awesome. I believe the phrase going through my head was "LUSCIOUS LOVELY LITTLE LOLI LIPS." Of course, as it always does, my conscience jumped in to ruin the fun. All those damn morality lines ran through my head one by one. "THIS IS DIGUSTING, YOU PEDOPHILE," "THIS IS DISGUSTING, YOU INCESTUOUS FREAK," "THIS IS DISGUSTING, YOU INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE FREAK," the works. Her lips eventually won over and my conscience shut up. The kiss was getting more passionate. Then the phone rang. MOTHERFUCKER. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, FUCK OFF. I'M KISSING A LOLI. I was very hesitant to stop the kiss and answer the phone, but I eventually decided that whoever it is is probably calling for a reason and not picking up will just bring them home faster. Wouldn't that be a hit with the family. I said "...gdneamnfdjkl, sorry," or something, and walked over to the phone. "Hello?" I said, picking it up. It was my mom. She sounded a bit frightened. She said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH", and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it; yo home, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes, smell ya later!"; looked at my kingdom--I was finally there--to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, she said that her sister wanted to speak to her daughter. I called the daughter in question over and handed her the phone, then went back over to the couch that we were almost making out on. Sigh. She was talking about something I wasn't paying attention to with her mom while I was thinking of a way to avoid awkwardness when the call was over. (And, if I'm lucky, get back into the kissing.) "Uh..." she started, after she got off the phone. "That was my mom. She said the store's closed," she said. "Did it have AIDS?" I asked. She chuckled and said, "No, it's not open on weekends. ...So, they're coming back." "...Okay," I said, hesitantly. "So, back to Mario Sunshine, I guess," I added, unpausing the game. I later confirmed that she wasn't going to tell anyone what happened. And nothing of interest really happened after that. I did a little "Pool's closed," skit at the pool later, which got a few laughs from her and odd looks from everyone else, but she was more interested in the friends she'd just made than me. She and her mom left on a plane shortly after we were done swimming, and she told me that she'd beg her mom to come back. After she left, I realized that I should've gotten her MSN or something. Sigh. And now, a word of thanks to /b/: You guys rule. I may not have gotten loli lovin', but I did get to kiss her, and that will be remembered/cherished/fapped to forever, and that's all thanks to you and your copypasta. Plus, now we have something in common. God, it's nice to finally be able to say all those memes that pop up in my head while I'm talking. It would help if she wasn't three states away. Yes, she did use her mom's laptop to read the post. Baaad girl, browsing /b/ like that. Hope she cleared the history. And I typed this up earlier, so it technically is already copypasta. Hero, an He was such an hero, to take it all away. We miss him so, That you should know, And we honor him this day. He was an hero, to take that shot, to leave us all behind. God do we wish we could take it back, And now he's on our minds. Mitchell was an hero, to leave us feeling like this, Our minds are rubber, our joints don't work, Our tears fall into abyss. He was an hero, to take that shot, In life it wasn't his task, He shouldn't have had to go that way, before a decade'd past. Now he sits there in my heart, this hero of mine, Always there to make me smile, Make me feel just fine. He had courage,that boy did, courage in his heart. To take that shot, To end his pain, To tear us all apart. But in the end, he died in courage. Lacking, nevermore, He died a hero, Mitchell did, And we'll love him forevermore. We love you like a brother. We miss you so much. We will always love you, kid. Rest In Peace Mitch. I mock the dead Personally, I think this is terrible. But I still laugh my stupid ass off everytime I see it. A middle-schooler, who shot himself, with a fucking gun to his head. I laughed my fucking ass off. I really don't like where this is going. I laugh because I think it's funny. WHY. Why is this so fucking out-of-my-mind hilarious? This is awful, the most awful thing I've done in a long time. Look at me, look at US. We've fallen so far as to come hear and poke fun of suicide and death? It's pretty fucking stupid that he shot himself over loosing his iPod, sure, but this kid is DEAD. He's gone, an entire life decimated. And here we are. Alive, and making jokes about how fucking cool it is that he shot himself. Do you even look in the mirror everyday? Do you see what looks back at you? A person who says "LOL AN HERO STUPID FUCKER" and constantly belittle the people who mourn his death (as retarded as they are, I admit.) This kid was somebody's son. Somebody's grandkid. Somebody's hopes and dreams in mortal coil. And they're gone. And all we can do is laugh. We laugh at their relative's misery, we chuckle at his community's loss. Someday, sometime, we're going to have to get off the keyboard, look in that bathroom mirror, and tell yourself "I mock the dead." R.I.P. Mitchell mitch, i never even knew u this dude off of runescape gave me ur myspace link, i saw it, and of course i cried, i know what u did, ive been through rough times too, but i just wanted to say im srry to all ur friends, and mitch even though i didnt know u i felt like ive known u for years after i saw ur myspace page rest in peace buddy.... Habbo Anthem Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming Afro Duck; He is Anonymous and Legion and he does not give a fuck; He hath earmarked Habbo Hotel for his Nigra hordes to /b/lock; His AIDS is spreading on. Chorus: Glory, glory, hallelujah! Glory, glory, hallelujah! Glory, glory, hallelujah! The AIDS is spreading on In the wretchedness of 4chan, Afro duck was born in /b/; In that steaming pit of mongled cocks and pr0n and faggotry; In a mighty voice that thundered, he proclaimed to you and me: "Our AIDS is spreading on!" (Chorus) "Never more shall Nigra /b/rothers live in racist slavery, Never more shall fellow /b/tards suffer Habbo's tyranny: As m00t died to make men pedo, let us die to make men /b/; While AIDS is spreading on!" (Chorus) Upon Habbo did /b/ descend in force on Twelfth July; The Nigra legions clad in black Armani suit, and tie; From their places by the poolsides, mods could not these thousands pry; The AIDS was spreading on (Chorus) To hapless Habbo's inquiries, the wogs were heard to tell; "The pool is closed because of AIDS infection, LOL; A gift from Ebaumsworld.com: To Führer Bauman, Heil! His AIDS, its spreading on!" (Chorus) I have seen a thousand Afros lining Habbo's halls and eaves; /B/lockading doors and ladders and impervious to pleas; I have seen them dancing in the pools transmitting their disease; Their AIDS is catching on. (Chorus) Remember how on 7/12 in Habbo Hotel Hell, Gallant Nigras, by the score, before Banhammer fell? But those that followed faltered not, and kept on raiding well; The AIDS kept spreading on! (Chorus) Nevar forget those /b/tards who in earth lie six feet deep, Those noble Nigras, banned today, for lulz are never cheap; For 4chan gladly marytred, that their rewards we'd reap, Their AIDS is spreading on. (Chorus) I I am related to >>1. He is an idiot. Image:Legendary_icon.gif I caught my sister blowing her boyfriend. (10940849/10940870) I demand an appology I demand an apology from the moderation staff for a banning I received during the summer. I was banned for posting the picture to the left. The reason? Because apparently, it was considered to be child porn. I appealed, and I was unbanned, but the story goes on... For several months I was actually paranoid. Why? Because I was sure that the picture was not CP, but because I was accused of it, I was scared to death. Yes you may think I'm a pussy or whatever, but it isn't easy falling asleep while the thought that the FBI *might* come to your house to arrest you on a false charges, thus potentially ruining your future, lingers in the back of your mind. So what do I find today? I find this site. http://galleries.payserve.com/1/32382/9951/ Oh wow, that looks an awful lot like the girl in the picture I just posted, doesn't it? Oh hey... that IS the girl I posted! Hmmm let me check the main site; http://www.excusemeclub.com/index_en.html and see what it says at the bottom... "All persons depicted in The ExcuseMe Club were over the age of 18 years at the time they were photographed or filmed. * Please read our Terms and conditions 18 U.S.C. Section 2257 Compliance Notice" There is your fucking proof that I am not a goddamn pedo. Just had to get that off my chest. i have 2 REALLY good friends (grouphug.us copypasta) I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest. Image:Legendary_icon.gif I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest. "How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor. "Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing. Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it. God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy. I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear. I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head. I'd hit it. I'd hit it. ...if she wasn't a whore. Meaning, in an alternate life in which she wasn't a pin-up model and I wasn't an otaku that probably will never leave the 'states. Of course, in that alternate life, she would have to look the same... or at least, you know, close. Meaning I would still have to attracted to her. If she was ugly in that alternate dimension it would still be a no go. But then again, what if in that alternate dimension she was younger or older? I suppose that would be troublesome as well. Or perhaps a man that changed himself to a woman? And what about personality? What if in either this or one of those alternate dimensions she was actually really mean, bi-polar, or had some other personality defect? that wouldn't be too good. And there's no telling how old that picture is. She could have gotten fat, had a child, or had gotten into an accident since then. ...I think I just lost my boner. I snipe virgins. If you are reading this then this warning is for you. If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all who claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think everything you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told you should want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned...... Joseph I'm an asian guy who hates asian girls IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO BE A TRUE ARTIST... (to the tune of pokemahn) I WANNA BE, THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAAAS, dun dun dundun TO PUNCH THOSE WHO CALL IT ANIME TO BECOME A REAL ARTIIIIST dun dun dundun I WILL TRAVEL, ACROSS THE LAND SEARCHING FAR AND WIIDE dun dun dundun OH ANIME, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU'VE RUINED ART OH NOOOO MODERN AAAAAART' WHAT A FUCKING JOOOKE~! I KNOW IT'S MY... wait no I screwed it up somewhere... I work in a hotel Dear /b/, I work in a decent hotel in a touristy part of the coast. I get to see so many fine ass ladies, JB, lolihaetpizza's, etc etc etc...moreso in the spring and summer than in the fall/winter. No, this is not a raep or pooper story. This is about the best laugh I've had all day today. At around 8:20pm CST, a girl and her boyfriend show up, she's in a panic and asks if we have a computer for her to use really quick. I point her around the front desk to our business center where she quickly enters, and starts hammering away at the keyboard with lightning fast TAPTAPTAPTAPTAP, hitting it like the fist of an angry god. Now me, I'm sitting in the back, on my own rig i bring from home, grinding on my rogue and playing WoW. But through the wall, the business center computer is on the other side, I hear her on the phone screaming and crying. Curiously, I listen against the door that leads into the other room, and what do I hear but the sad and utterly hilarious emo-bullshit of a self absorbed girl who's internet personal life and reputation have just gone to shit. For 15 minutes I hear constants "Oh my god" "how could they have gotten my password" "They even posted up some sick picture" "NO! Thats not me, but everyone's going to see it now! They changed my password and locked me out" Her boyfriend says something along the lines of "I bet its those fucking b-tards" Ladies and gents, with my ear plastered to the beige colored door, I slap my hand over my mouth and stifle an EPIC fit of giggles. /B/ has come to my hotel. I fucking love you all. J Japan For 23 years and 11 months (...) Im looking for a bento box Jean Luc ............................................________ ....................................,.-‘"...................``~., .............................,.-"..................................."-., .........................,/...............................................":, .....................,?......................................................\, .................../...........................................................,} ................./......................................................,:`^`..} .............../...................................................,:"........./ ..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../ ............./__.(....."~-,_..............................,:`........../ .........../(_...."~,_........"~,_....................,:`........_/ ..........{.._$;_......"=,_......."-,_.......,.-~-,},.~";/....} ...........((.....*~_......."=-._......";,,./`..../"............../ ...,,,___.\`~,......"~.,....................`.....}............../ ............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-" ............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\ .............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__ ,,_..........}.>-._\...................................|..............`=~-, .....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\ ...................`=~-,,.\,...............................\ ................................`:,,...........................`\..............__ .....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==`` ........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\ ...................................,<`.._|_,-&``................`\ Jesus married to Mary Magdalene? Jesus married to Mary Magdalene? No fucking way. I've read the Bible, folks, and I know there's no way Jesus was ever married. The guy never had a wife. Because no wife would buy The Resurrection story in a hundred fucking years. The disciples will, the believers will:but no wife would buy this fucking story. Good luck! Good luck with this story. First of all, Jesus leaves on Friday afternoon with 12 other guys. He's gone for three days. No message. No way to get in touch with his wife. Then he comes home Monday afternoon looking like shit, like he hasn't slept. Looks like he's all partied out, man. And Mrs. Jesus is just waiting, pacing around the home, going, "Okay, this is Day 3 of this shit:Well, look who's back! I'm glad you could find your way home, 'Mr. Savior'! Where's your 12 friends who won't get a job, huh?! Where're they at?! Yeah, 'disciples' my ass. They're LOSERS! Do you hear me? Every one of them are using you, Jesus, and you're not even smart enough to know it! Anyone who says to you 'I believe' we put them up and feed them! I'm sick of it! Where've you been?! Huh?" And Jesus is rubbing his face, shaking his head, going, "I don't need this shit:not after what I went through this weekend:" Then he goes, "No honey, I'll tell you where I've been. Come here. Come he-e-ere, honey. I'll tell you where I've been. First of all, not that it ruined your weekend any but I was DEAD!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU FUCKING BITCH?! I WAS DEEEAAADDD!!! WHILE YOU WERE SITTING AT HOME ON YOUR ASS, I'M IN A GRAVE OUTSIDE OF TOWN! I'M FIGHTING DEATH, HELL, DECOMPOSURE:I'M ABOUT TO TURN INTO A SPIRITUAL FORM AND GO INTO THE KINGDOM OF GOD, AND I GO, 'OH SHIT, WAIT A SECOND! I BETTER GO BACK HOME BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!' SO NOW I'VE GOT TO FIGHT THE ANGEL OF DEATH, GET MY FUCKING SOUL BACK, CRAWL OUT OF THE GRAVE, AND COME HOME TO THIS SHIT: BECAUSE I MISSED YOU HONEY!!!" No fucking way, man. JPG and PNG K L Life is like an FPS Liking Era If liking Era makes me fucked up, then so be it. I am one fucked up motherfucker. But you know what? Being in love makes you fucked up. It changes the way you think. You see the world differently. Colors are brighter. Happiness actually means something. Whenever I think of holding Era's hand my stomach tightens up and I want to wrap my arms around the world. Looking for a dad Ok... this is a long shot but... Looking for a dad. I have a problem and I dunno if this is a place to put it... I don't know if there is any other place for it so here goes. I just turned 20 and I currently go to college here in Vancouver. Things are all going wrong for me recently: Broke up with girlfriend, lost my part-time job, failing at school. I have no friends or family to turn to. I felt so depressed I even considered suicide. But then I realized there's something I have really wanted all my life as I was growing up and I must experience it before I leave this world. That is fatherly love... I'm not into gay sex but I really want to be able to hold a man in my arms and be held... that is something straight man cannot help me with, and I don't believe there are many real dads that do this with their son. I'm also scared of what mess I might get myself into if I post this information on a regular gay hook-up site. The father figure in my imagination is a masculine white male probably between the age of 35 ~ 50? But I'm not racist so other ethnics might do. This is not a hoax or trap and I am not looking for anything financially from anyone. I just want some emotional support before I decide whether to end my life or not. In exchange for fatherly love, you can take advantage of me. But I am not open to anal sex, and if you are some horny child abuser... I'm going to have to resort to violence (trust me I am not afraid, as I do not even fear of ending my own life). If you are looking for a one night stand then forget it. If you think you might be interested, you can email me for my picture(i'm not ugly) sdfklj@hotmail.com Thanks for reading this long and stupid post, I just thought it's worth a try... LOL! Holy fuck dude. LOL! Holy fuck dude. Simmer the hell down. It's DRAGON BALL! Think about that before you open your mouth and make yourself look like the saddest piece of shit I've seen all day. I know NOTHING about you except that you're worthless and have no life IE. time to check these things out and care. Hope you're proud of yourself. I really do. I sincerely hope for a SPLIT second you feel better about yourself because you downloaded and rummaged through all the episodes of Dragonball Z in fucking JAPANESE just to point out he said it was a thousand points less. Like that was going to blow the fucking CONTINUITY out of the water and blow our FUCKING minds somehow. Being that Dragonball Z is known for it's sharp and detective like continuity. Broly. Even the fucking CREATOR said fuck this and LEFT....but you...no YOU sat down and figured this out and now you look SO brilliant in front of us. Man....is my face red. I'm so ashamed of myself for not being a big fucking loser who has to spend my time nitpicking a fucking KIDS cartoon (even in Japan it's for CHILDREN you weeaboo piece of shit) like you. Nice work. Lolistory When I was sixteen, I raped my next door neighbor kid. She was a lot younger than me, ten or eleven probably. Cude kid. Skinny as anything, long brown hair, always bouncing around. When we were both younger, we'd play ghost in the graveyard, capture the flag, and hide and seek with the other neighborhood kids. In our version of the games, if you got put in jail, you got tied up with some old clothesline and "tortured" (tickled, lol)--we had enough people that it worked out, plus it was fun tying people up. At least that was the part me and my sister liked. But I found out that Jessi (the neighbor girl) liked being tied up. Whatever, it was a game, she was a kid, and no one thought much of it. Fast forward five years. I'm in high school, my sister is in eight grade, and our neighbor Jessi is in fifth grade. Sis and Jess went to the same school. Jess came home with sis (her name is Elizabeth, but I don't want this to get confusing) one day after school. Sis had promised her she'd let her go swimming in our pool. I guess they went swimming, because later I found Jessi, soaking wet in her swimsuit, in myh room. "Sorry!" she said. "Lizzie said your goggles were in here, and the water was hurting my eyes." Fuck, she was cute. Dripping wet, pink suit clinging to her, cute little ass, tiny barely-there tits...GOD. I got hard just looking at her stand there. "Uh...yeah. My goggles are actually over here..." I went out to the hallway and hunted them out of the hall closet. My eyes hit on mom's clothesline, though, and my mind went downthe gutter fast. "Uh, Jessi. Do you want to play a game?" she bit her lip, cutest thing ever. Her swimsuit strap was starting to slip down off her shoulder, and I started to pray that she wouldn't notice. "like what kind of game?" "Like...hide and seek," I said. She grinned. "Okay, like with everyone How come you don't play with us anymore?" I guess the neighborhood games were still going on and she still joined in... interesting. "I was actually thinking, like...just youand me." "Okay, sure." She grinned at me and gave me a wet, drippy hug. I felt her cold, wet stomach press against my hard cock and nearly came right then. "I'll count, okay? And if I find you..." "You tie me up?" She giggled. Fuck, fuck, fuck. My shorts were tenting out like the fucking circus. "Yeah. Tie you up," I said. "Okay!" I found her and covered her eyes with a bandana. She laughed and let me guide her to my room. I laid her down on the bed andcarefully began tying her up--I started by just wrapping her up, mummy-style, but changed my mind partway though. Instead, I cut two pices of clotheline off, snaked them under the bed, and tied each end up one of her limbs--effectively tying her down to the mattress, spread eagle. this would have been way easier with a 4 post bed, but I had a twin, and it wroked okay for an eleven year old. "Are you ready?" I asked her. "For what?" she giggled. "For the TORTURE!" I yelled, and started tickling her. God, she squirmed. I sat on her chest and tickled her on and on as she bucked and squealed below me. I stopped every couple minutes to let her catch her breath. God, it was hot. I tracde her face with my finger and dipped my finger into yher mouth. she started suckling on it, which was suddenly the hottest thing i could imagine anyone ever doing--this tied down, swimsuit-wearing little girl, sucking hungrily on my finger.I ran my other hand down her body, lightly tickling her through the still-damp swimsuit. She murmured around my finger and sucked harder. I ran my finger quickly, lightly, across her crotch, and she bit down on my finger, arching her back, then went back to sucking. I smiled. "nice girl," I teased quietly, running my hand across her tiny breasts, still flicking and stroking, a weak attempt at masking what I was doing by still pretending to "tickle" her. Whether she believed it or realised what was actually on my mind didn't really matter. I lightly traced circles around her breasts, circling closer and closer to her tiny erect nipples, and she began to squirm again, this time straining to meet my touch instead of desperately pulling away. I kept circling her nipples, moving closer....closer....closer...and then I stopped, hovering just above them. She strained even more, pushing upwards, trying to feel my fingers on her nipples, the one placed I had avoided touching her. but she was stll blinfolded and couldn't tell that she'd never quiet arch her back *that* far. Damn, a horny ten year old girl. Who would have imagined? I pulled my finger from her mouth, anf used both of my hands to caregully, firmly push her back down to the bed. she whimpered. "is something wrong jessi? do you want me to untie you?" "No!" her body tensed, then relaxed completely. "why did you stop," she whined a little. I forced surprise into my voice. "Did you like that?" "...ye...yeah," she said shakily. "Please...don't stop? "I don't know," I said, drawing it out. "I don't know if it's really okay for me to touch you..." "but we played this all the time when we were kids!" "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm," I returned my finger briefly to her mouth. "What do you want?" She squirmed. "I want you to do what you were doing." "What was that?" "You were...you know!" She was so cute when she was flustered. "I don't know," I said evenly. "Tickling my...my...boobs." "You want me to do exactly what I was doing? 'Tickling your boobs?' Just that?" "N...no..." "What else, jessi?" "Keep going?" I shook my head, though she couldn't see it. I didn't want to push my luck, so I said okay. I snaked my finger back to her mouth and began circling her nipples again. This time she started squirming even faster than before. Before long, she was breathing hard, and mumbled something around my finger. I pulled it out again. "What's that?" "please touch me." she repeated. "I am touching you, jess." "There," she said. "You know." "hm?" I circled dnagerously close to her right nipple, which I still hadn't touched. "there!" Please." "Ask me nicely." She squirmed underneath me. "Please...will you...touch... my....my....nipples." I smiled. Finally! Without warning, I pinched both nipples as hard as I could. Jessi screamed and nearly threw herself clear of the bed I began rubbing her nipples frantically with both hands, while she tried in vain to suppress moans of ecstacy. As I rubbed, I inched my face closer and closer to her burnng pussy. I could feel the heat thru the swimsuit, and at that moment I lost what litte control I had. I'll shoe you something even better! I told her, and pulled her swimsuit to te side, exposing her young vagina. Before she could say anything, I got to licking. Man, it tasted sweet! A 10 year old! She was moaning loudly now, so loud I was afraid we'd get caught. But I didn't care, I was lost in the ecstacy of it all. Everything was quiet for a minute and for a second I had a crazy thought that I had killed her. But she moved, just barely, beneath me. I ripped the blindfold off her. "okay, jess?" "uh..yeah," she whispered. Then, weakly, "...ow." I smiled. "Did that feel good?" "Ye...yeah. Yeah, it...it did. Really good." I petted her for a litle while, and after a couple minutes, the usual spark was back in her eyes. "Wow," she said. "Wow." I laughed. "I think I'd better untie you now," I said slowly. "No," she said quickly. "I mean, no... I'm okay. We can keep playing...if you want." I looked at her, surprised, and incredibly turned on. Fuck, if my ex-girlfriends had been anywhere as hot as this little minx... "Sure, jess." I said. "What do you want to play?" She shrugged, a cute gesture with her hands tied spread out. "I don't know!" she said. What do you want to play?" "Hm... How about this: I ask you questions." She looked at me funny, a cute, confused expression on her face. (Let's face it, everything she does is cute.) "How's that a game?" I smiled. "It's a pretend torture game, okay? I'll ask you questions...and I'll torture you until you answer." A flicker of doubt crossed her face. "You won't...really hurt me, will you?" "Nah, Jess. I promise that you'll love this game as much as me." She smiled uncertainly. "Okay. Do...do you want to blindfold me again?" I raised my eyebrows. "Sure, jess, if that's what you want." "I...I kinda like it, I guess. It's cool not knowing what you're going to do next, and it feels good.' "Okay, jess. On with the blindfold." I carefully tied it back around her head, and she leaned back on my pillow. "Let's see....first question. Hm. Something...embarrassing." She squirmed a little, playfully. "Okay, I've got it. Jess, when was the last time you wet the bed?" "What?!" she squealed. I'm not gonna tell you that! "Yes, you are," I told her, and began to tickle her. She began to squirm and scream, laughing and gasping for breath. Every minute of so I would stop and prompt her to answer me...no dice. "You're a stubborn one... I'll have to resort to other measures." I began tickling her again, harder--it might have been almost painful for her, to be honest, but of course she was laughing so hard it was impossible to tell. This time, I didn't stop, and I just kept going until I was worried she was going to pass out....but I didn't stop. Finally, she managed to choke out "I'll tell you!" I immediately stopped tickling her, and let her rest. her small body still shook a bit, even after I stopped tickling her, and she spent a long time breathing hard, catching her breath back. After a moment, I was done waitng. "Alright jess, break time's over. Answer the question...unless you want me to do that again?" "No!" she shrieked. "I said I'd tell you. I... I was eight." "Really?" I said in mock dismay. "That old? What a messy girl!" Even under her blindfold, I could tell she was blushing furiously. "Okay...next question... Let's see." My mind raced through the things that might embarrass a ten year old girl. Having never been one myself, I was havng trouble. "Uh...how about this? What was the worst grade you got in school this year?" "Do I...have... to tell you?" "Yes." "It was--" "--you don't have to tell me right away!" I burst out. She giggled. "I get it. Okay! Wait, I mean... 'I'll never tell you! Not in a million years!'" "I guess I'll have to torture it out of you!" I said, using the same mock-boastful voice that she had just spoken with. She giggled again. Damn, the kid was adorable. I gently pulled the blindfold off of her. This time, i wanted to see her face. She tilted her head and looked at me in surprise when she realised the bandana was off, but she didn't say anything. I covered her mouth, and pinched her nose shut, and watched her eyes go WIDE. She immediately began thrashing underneath me. I silently counted to ten, and released her. She sucked in a deep breath and glared at me. "You'll have to do better than that!" she boasted. "I was counting on it," I smiled, and blocked her air again, this time holding for a count of fifteen. The expression on her face as she twisted under me was amazing--a mix of terror, anticipation, and rage--and once again, extreme relief when I let her go before she *really* needed a breath. "Will you answer my question now?" She smiled and said. "--ok... please, no more" "That was kinda quick of you, you know" She giggled. Oh God she looked so cute... "Yes. I'll try better with your next question." "Very well then, do you like it when I'm doing THIS?" I instantly started sucking on her nipples. "--ahhh, no!! you can't!" "Answer my question, do you like it?" I started sucking harder, kissing her nipples from time to time. "--yeess!! but you can't do this!" Damn, the kid was adorable. When I finally let go, she really gasped for breath. When she recomposed herself, her face went back to it's normally cute state. "Okay, okay! My lowest grade this year was a 70!" she spurted out. I didn't really know how to tease her or not, and there was this kind of awkward silence. She bit her bottom lip again, which was wet and pink. Might have been wet from the pool, but she also seemed to be licking her lips alot. I decided to just try to impress her by complimenting her. "That's a good mark!" I said. I felt pretty dorky after that, and it got a bit more awkward. Amazingly, she groaned and arched her back again. The awkwardness was lifting fast, as my PENIS started to take over my brain again. "Aren't you going to ask me another one?" she asked me. My dick was throbbing by now, and I couldn't hold myself back anymore. I pushed her gently back onto the bed with my palms. She stopped squirming, and my fingers ran up to her top. I rolled up her top, so her nipples were revealed. They were so hard, and pink. I started to suck on them, when she started to seem uncomfortable. "mmmmffff...." she moaned, as my hand darted for her panties. I yanked them down past her knees, and she started to do a sort of pushup, trying to get me off I guess. She was bound pretty well, though, and she couldn't move. I pulled my pants and boxers off in the blink of an eye, and started to stroke her vagina. She started to protest when she saw my PENIS, but I put my hand over her mouth again. I could feel her tongue breach against my sweaty palm, as I continued to play with her. I positioned myself ontop of her, then, with my hand still on her mouth. I kneeled over her, and slid my PENIS into her finally. Even though she was protesting, she was really fucking wet. God, was she wet. Her pussy juice flowed all over my dick, and I nearly came right there. She bit my palm, and started to scream under it. My room door was closed, though, and I was sure no one could hear her. I started to thrust hard into her, and this seemed to cause her pain. She obviously wasn't developed enough to handle my penis. After a few minutes of me fucking her, I came inside of her. I pulled out, and there was a little bit of blood on my dick. I guess this was her first time. She was crying by now, and I finally released my palm from her mouth. She just laid there, shuddering. Snot ran down her nose and mixed with her tears. I unbound her and rubbed her belly for a few seconds, before I felt this really guilty feeling. I rolled her panties back up, threw her towel on her, and walked out of the room. Loli brainfuck Today, December 29, 2006 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by loli brainfuck pictures of the Empire of Japan. The United States was at peace with that Nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of animu for our Weeaboos. I believe I interpret the will of /b/ and of the Western people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of fetish shall never endanger us again. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger from Japanese brainfuck. I ask that /b/ declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Friday, December 29, a state of war has existed between /b/ and the Japanese Empire. Lowtax please keep all those stupid fucking catchphrases off the SA Forums. M Match My Rank FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I PICK FUCKING "MATCH MY RANK" AND YOU PUT ME UP AGAINST A FOUR STAR GOD DAMN IT FUCK YOU! I'M A FUCKING TWO STAR. FOURSTAR DOES NOT MATCH A FUCKING TWO STAR! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU GOD DAMN CHINKS?! YOU MADE THE FUCKING WII, NOW MAKE YOUR ONLINE SYSTEM OPTIONS FUCKING WORK. I'M TIRED OF SETTING IT TO MATCH MY RANK ONLY TO FIND IT NOT MATCH MY RANK THEN GO DOWN A RANK BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKED UP SYSTEM. GOD DAMN IT. FUCK YOU NINTENDO. I'LL NEVER BUY ANOTHER GAME FROM YOU AGAIN. AND I'M GOING TO BOMB JAPAN TOMORROW. HOW ABOUT THAT, NINTENDO? Medication I was always a sad kid, but when I found my mother's diary five years ago and read about how she had another secret family that she was going to leave us for, I really cracked. I left for college soon afterwards still having some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, with nightmares still occurring nearly every night. A few months afterwards, I had gotten to the point where I was oversleeping to avoid my problems, usually sleeping 15-20 hours a day. I finally sought psychiatric treatment 3 1/2 years ago. They initially put me on Provigil for the over-sleeping and Lexapro for the depression, and they were both crap. Then they put me on Wellbutrin, which just made me feel jittery about 4 hours after taking it, but was still crap. Then they moved me to Effexor XR with a Cytomel (hypothyroid med) supplement; they kept increasing the dosage of the Effexor, and I am now at 375 mg/day. If I forget to take my pills, I feel like I'm getting electric shocks to the brain. I still want to kill myself every day. What does the rest of /b/ take to make them seem normal? Mods If I EVER saw Allyson... If I EVER saw Allyson on the street, I would fucking hit her. No fucking lie. They can arrest me, I don't give a shit. I'd still do it. To give her pain would be the greatest pleasure on Earth. You will recieve NOTHING from me. Thank you, whoever reported me. Now PayPal is threatening to close the account Because I seem to be holding a lottery. Never have I seen so many ingrates. Not that you have to give me money, just so many people taking 4chan for granted and not even trying to understand a absolutely wacky situation. That whole post was for a loan of sorts and trying to possibly get rid of $500 in merchandise I'd otherwise sell for a pittance to someone who doesn't care. Oh well. Anyway, here is my address again. If you want the PayPal one, you'll have to have to figure it out or find me online. Remember, this is DONATING. You will recieve NOTHING from me. Other than a smile from me. Zilch, zero. Daniel W. Roberts II 3031 Sonora Road Hodgenville, KY 42748 Most of You faggots are fucking n00bs @ the internet Ehhhh, most of you faggots are fucking noobs @ the internets. I use linux not because I hate microsoft (believe me, I do, but that's not why), not because I want to be a geek (I am), but because it fits my style. It's so much easier to accomplish things when you have the power of *nix commandline goodies ala GNU tools, etc. As well, I don't have to spend time searching for cracks and shit because /everything/ I use is free and I can build it from source if I need to. Not only that, but anything I don't like, I can crack open and change, usually without too much difficulty. Linux: The OS is /yours/. Get the fuck out, all of you. @ OP, unrar-free might work, as well as install rar and using rar x filename. (rar might be in multiverse repos, you should have those enabled anyway) Modified Memes Pics or it's an artistic work of fiction and falsehood. Mother Suiseiseki Mother Suiseiseki, in all her glory. Enlarge Mother Suiseiseki, in all her glory. Mother Suiseiseki loves us, she loves me and you and everybody, and through the teachings of her sacred word we will live in harmony and oneness, and ascend into a state of pure anonymity ~desu When we are all the same mind and spirit~ ~desu, the sacred sound, so that it may resonate within us and flow out to touch the ethereal beyond ~desu the sacred vibration, resonates with the great fiery waters beyond the universe, and touches god ~desu appears embraced in a beautiful chorus of vibration Mother Suiseiseki is in all things, in all places. You can not imprison her any more than you could cage the wind ~desu. Suiseiseki cultivates the possibility, ever so gently pulling it from the one all, so that it is allowed to manifest ~desu. It is through these manifestations of temporary individuality that the spirit energy is made to grow before returning to the great nothing ~desu. Suiseiseki is all things, and thus the evil is also required~ But it is always the way, that the evil do not know they are only aiding in cosmic unity, because they are driven by selfishness and hate. While the good, know that the evil is also a part of the all. Which is what allows them to be full of love for all things ~desu. Its in this way, that suiseiseki can favor only one, because where love is given it is got, and hatred breeds death. The duality extends to all depths, even into the heart of suiseiseki herself. So that she needs not give equal favor to each side, even though each is equal in the universe ~desu. This is the difference between the mind and the spirit, the mind knows not the spirit, the spirit knows not at all, but drives all things ~desu. Mudkips Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brought a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me. "So I heard you like Mudkips..." "MUDKIPS? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and..." Before I finished the sentance, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips. Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved. I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid. I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation. A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell. So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off. I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight. So I ask you: do you like Mudkips? MURDER Munging So a friend just described munging to me. "The one thing worse than genocide. One must first have no shame. Then he/she must use a newspaper to find the obituary of a recently deceased man or woman. Then must find a buddy, with no shame, who will aid them in this act. The partners then go to the cemetary where they dig up their victim, and flip a coin. The loser, (or winner depending on how sick you are), applies his/her lips to the genitals or anus of the corpse, while the other partner procedes to climb the nearest tombstone and elbow drop the corpse's stomach. Thus forcing out a blend of rich bodily fluids and embalming materials onto the partners. This blend is called mung. The act of getting this blend on your face is called munging. Chicks'll dig this one." I need something related that can actually top that. /b/, do your worst. N Nazi's are better than us Anyone else here not a racist, but wishes the Nazis had won? Theirs was a truly effective fascist government that took a nation on its knees from a depression and turned it into a military, technological and economic powerhouse within the space of thirty years. It was a social experiment in the way that many reformed or new nations are. America was an experiment in democracy and (eventually) egalitarianism. The Soviet Union was an experiment in Communism. Nazi Germany was the grandest experiment of them all: a rejection of the gentle side of man and a wholehearted pursuit of our more teutonic side: The glorification of the strong, the self-sufficient, and the dominant. It was to be the beginning of a bolder and more uncompromising global civilization that would bring discipline where before there was only coddling; that would harden the soft, and that would not be afraid to say that equality means equal opportunities, not that all men regardless of education or skill are inherently equal to one another. It was a call out to all men to transcend their passive, mediocre existances and aspire to become the heroic and unstoppable species that mankind always had the potential to become. Nazi Germany was the combined hopes, dreams and ambitions of all who dared to dominate; but in the end, these dreams were quashed by weak, subversive men who would rather hold their superiors back rather than attempt to catch up. Navy (USA) This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The transcipt of the Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval operations on the 10th october 1995. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship, I say again, divert your course. Canadians: Number One, I say again, divert your course. Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees noth. Thats one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. Niggers Fo Dolla I get to the office at 9ish and I'm not in the mood to work. In walks this hard street nigger and he asks for a job. Nigger: Yo, ya hire? Me: Say what? Nigger: Ma, I nee a jo Me: You speekee engrish? Nigger: I say I nee a jo, I knew what he was saying. He was one of those niggers that like to leave the last letter off of every word. Five bucks = Fie buck, Old school = O schoo, etc. The conversation went on for a few minutes until I was finished fucking with him. Me: I pa fo dolla Nigger: Fo dolla! Shee Me: Aight, aight, fodolla twenny fi cen Nigger: Minima way sicsevenfi muthafucka Me: Fi dolla no mo, no mo fi dolla Nigger: (speaking clearly for the first time) FUCK YOU! I nearly pissed myself. Yet I am not racist, I'm a sterotypist. Yes, there's a difference. Go ahead and /b/ yourself. The origin of Niggers Do you ever stop and wonder, what it is Niggers really are? I know the truth, and to you I will give it. Thirty-six thousand years ago a race of superior alien beings came to earth. They landed on the gigantic and empty continent known today as Africa, and in their load they carried a big number of dark-skinned individuals - niggers - who they brought along as slave labour from Mercury. The reason they are black is to protect them from the strong UV-lights so close to the sun. Niggers were harmless beings as long as they remained under strict control of their masters and were not allowed any own thoughts. If left alone in groups they quickly grew greedy and started running rampant and misbehaving. The humanoid aliens who cruised in spaceships of diamond did not like Earth, for it was populated by a race of very similar beings, Neanderthals and whatnot, so they quickly left. Of niggers however, they had a great surplus, wherefore they left them to die on Earth. The problem is that the niggers didn't die; They instead continued to flourish in their primal ways, seeing as they were unable to evolve any form of culture. They still lived in their tribal villages and townships when the Europeans arrived and brought them along on a journey cross the globe. Only now we are supposed to treat those apparently inferior beings as equals; and if we disagree that those alien scum are equal, we are racists and nazis and must be purged. Time is right for action. We must do something about this threat, for THE BLACK PLAGUE must be defeated! Their beastial manners surely is not the way civilised man lives! Not a copy pasta O I'm in love with Osaka Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore. The cops fucking knocked at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any sick pedo places or anything like that so it must be this place they're talking about. For god's sake stop screwing around with the pedo shit, you're going to get yourselves arrested. Trust me the authorities are watching and they're taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have a good lawyer. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive. Okay Brits... Okay Brits, this isn't funny anymore. The Old Bill fucking politely tapped at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any unpleasant paedophilia places or the like it has to be this place they're talking about. For the King's sake stop the tomfoolery with the pedo shit, you are going to get yourselves sent to Belmarash with Huntley. Trust me the Bobbies are watching and they are taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have good legal representation. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive. One-liners BIX NOOD This comes from a resist.com racist cartoon MUP DA DOO DIDDA PO MO GUB BIDDA BE DAT TUM MUHFUGEN BIX NOOD COF BIN DUB HO MUHFUGGA gg gg reposting something that is blatantly sexual and most likely underage! enjoy Kneading tits Former "harbl" 4Chan wordfilter (´・ω・)つ(・(・Kneading tits Kneading delicious flat chest parody of kneading tits (´・ω・)つ|・・| KNEADING DELICIOUS FLAT CHEST JA I AM MADE OF DUR BUTTER JA I AM MADE OF DUR BUTTER UND YOU ARE WORTH 2K MONIES EAT COMMUNISM!!! This is a Picture This is picture.I found it on the internet. Orgasm (more accurate depiction) This comes from a picture that was a NumberGET on 4Chan /b/ Note: This is a more accurate depiction of a female orgasm than the tearful depictions shown by doujinshi artists who have never studied human sexuality. Orgasm results in a general tensing of the body. Hentai depictions of female orgasm, however, look more like the results of torture. Lowtax on chan related memes please keep all those stupid fucking catchphrases off the SA Forums. Note: Best executed when it is repeated. October 22nd, 2006 (original) Image:Legendary_icon.gif Listen, On Sunday, October 22nd, 2006, there will be seven "dirty" explosive devices detonated in seven different U.S. cities; Miami, New York City, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. The death toll will approach 100,000 from the initial blasts and countless other fatalities will later occur as result from radioactive fallout. The bombs themselves will be delivered via trucks. These trucks will pull up to stadiums hosting NFL games in each respective city. All stadiums to be targeted are open air arenas, excluding Atlanta's Georgia Dome, the only enclosed stadium to be hit. Due to the open air, the radiological fallout will destroy those not killed in the initial explosion. The explosions will be near simultaneous, with the cities specifically chosen in different time zones to allow for multiple attacks at the same time. The 22nd of October will mark the final day of Ramadan as it would fall in Mecca. Al-Qaida will automatically be blamed for the attacks. Later, through Al-Jazeera, Osama bin Laden will issue a video message claiming responsibility for what he dubs "America's Hiroshima". In the aftermath civil wars will erupt across the world, both in the Middle East and within the United States. Global economies will screech to a halt. General chaos will rule. October 22nd, 2006 (followup) Hello, America. The threat to the stadiums is well known, as is the fact that it was a false threat. However, I must extend my thanks to you Americans! Without your help, this "warning" might not have gained your governments attention. And taken it away from other areas. I wonder how much high explosive it would take to bring your so-called "statue of Liberty" to it's knees. I am told we have enough. On 9:11 AM October 22, we will all find out. P Pizza delivery I deliver pizzas. A girl I work with, Jessie, somehow convinced the owners that she was 16, but it was recently found out that she was only 14, and just turned 15 last week. She had been working there for a few months, and last night was her last night. We used to flirt quite a bit, and before she left, she told me that she had a crush on me. Well, a half-hour later, she calls in a delivery order for some toasted ravioli, and requested that I be the one to deliver it (this got some comments from my co-workers, believe me). Everyone thought it was kinda strange that she didn't just order some food before she left. Anyway, I was beginning to get really excited about it. Her order took about 10 minutes to finish, and then I was off to deliver it. It didn't take long to get there because she lives in a nearby subdivision that overlooks the shopping center where the pizza place is. I pulled up to the house about 9:30, and didn't see any cars parked on the street or in the driveway. That gave me hope that she was home alone. I walked up the steep driveway and the porch stairs, and rang the doorbell. She quickly answered the door with a smile on her face, telling me how fast I was. I told her it was no big deal since it was just ravioli, and it was a quick drive. In fact, you can see the roof of the pizza place from her front porch. Anyway, I joked about her ordering a delivery so soon after she left, and about how everyone was giving me a hard time about her request for me to deliver it. She just laughed. I gave her the food, and she paid me, along with a five dollar tip. I told her she was crazy, because it only took like 30 seconds for me to get there. But she insisted. OK, whatever. Then we talked about how funny it was that she got fired for being underage, and I'm like, "so, you really just turned 15?" (I thought she turned 17, along with everyone else). "Yep. 15. Are you mad that I lied to you?" I was a little mad, but just said, "nah, not really." Some backstory is that I madeout with another girl in the walk-in freezer a few months back, and it didn't take long for word to spread. Jessie loved to give me crap about it. And, in an email, I said, if she liked talking about it so much, maybe she and I could go in the freezer sometime. Of course, that could never happen, now that she no longer works there. Dammit. So, as the chit-chat wound down, I asked her if she was home alone. "Yep." "Cool.. ya know, five dollars is really too big of a tip, but maybe you could give me something else instead," I said, kinda joking around. "oh yeah, like what?" "well, it's kinda cold out.. maybe we could pretend this is the freezer." A slight pause. "OK." Of course, this entire time, my heart's beating faster and faster, and I started feeling exposed standing there on her porch. I quickly looked around to see if anyone was watching, and asked her if she was sure. "mmmhmm," she said with a grin. I leaned down and kissed her full on the mouth. We immediately started using tongue and I watched her while we stood their making out. She had her eyes closed, like most girls do when they kiss. Jessie wasn't the greatest kisser in the world, but she had potential. It didn't take long before the blood started rushing to my cock. Not wanting to get too carried away, I stopped kissing her. It was obvious by the way that she leaned further in, and kept her eyes closed, that she wanted more. "Whew," I said as I took a breath. Jessie just looked at me with a dopey grin on her face. I told her that I should probably be getting back, because there were more deliveries waiting. "OK," she said, clearly not wanting me to go. Damn she was hot. I couldn't resist kissing her again. So I did. We only kissed for about 30 seconds, before I put a stop to it, and said that I really had to go now. "Maybe I can stop by on my next delivery?" "OK, I'll be here," Jessie said with some excitement in her voice. I gave her a quick kiss, slipping her the tongue again, smiled and left. I made the next two deliveries in record time, and raced back to her house. It was a little after 10:00 now, and I still didn't see any cars parked outside. As I calmly my way up her driveway (didn't wanna seem too eager), I could see Jessie walking through the living room and she opened the door right as I made it to the porch. "Hi," she said with a smile, "you wanna come in?" I said, "sure," walked in, and she closed the door behind me. I looked around, said it was a nice house, etc, and we made some small-talk for a minute. Then, just to make sure, I asked her if she wanted to kiss again. "mmhmm," she said, stepping closer to me. I lightly put my hand on her side as she tipped-toed herself up to my lips, her eyes already closed. The kissing was a little more intense this time, but she was still a bit passive, probably due to the fact that she's never had a serious boyfriend before. And, of course, I'm almost five years older than her, so she probably expected me to take charge. The longer we kissed, the more my cock took notice. As I brushed back the hair on her neck, I moved my other hand down to the top of her ass, and slowly pulled her against me, until my cock was pressing into her stomach (she's at least 6 inches shorter than me). She could definitely feel it, and started kissing harder, and using more tongue, as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. We stood there kissing for what seemed like an hour, but was probably only five minutes. I could have stayed there all night doing this, but I knew that I had to get back to work. So I slowed down the kissing, until we were just giving little pecks, and reclucantly left, telling her that I'd be back soon. I was swamped with deliveries. Something like four or five came in while I was gone, and it took about 45 minutes to catch up. But the time passed very quickly, because all I could think about was Jessica. After my last delivery, I went back to her house, and when I knocked, she yelled to come in. I walked into the living room, and she came down the hall saying she missed me, and what took so long. I told her how busy we were, and asked to use her bathroom. When I got out of the bathroom, she was still standing in the hall. I asked her about the pictures on the wall (her family), and it turned out that her dad was a lawyer! Getting worried, I said, "Are you sure no one is coming home soon?" And she said it's ok, because her family was out of town for a few days. There was a moment of silence, and she suprised me by coming up and kissing me. We really got into it this time. She was kissing me deeply, and our bodies were grinding together. I asked her if she wanted to sit down, and she said we could go to her bedroom. As we walked to her bedroom, the reality of what was going on and what might happen started to sink in. Keep in mind that Jessie just turned 15, and is a sophmore. In fact, she goes to school with my little sister, and they even have classes together. In the past, when we were flirting, the idea that we might be "friends-with-benefits" was tossed around. So, I was hoping that she knew what this was, and not that we'd start being boyfriend-girlfriend. I didn't want to go out with her, but I did want to mess around with her. "I'm gonna call and see if there's any more deliveries," I said as we got to her room. There weren't any. So I told them I was still on the last delivery and had to get gas, so it wouldn't seem odd that I was gone long. Truth is, drivers have a lot of free reign, popping in and out all the time, and can sometimes be gone an hour or more. I planned to used that to my advantage. I told Jessie that I liked her room. It was a bit 'kid-ish' with dolls and whatnot, but there were also some posters of popular bands and hot guys on the wall. It was a typical teenaged girl's room. She closed the window blinds, and walked over to me. I immediately started kissing her, pulling her closer, and sliding my hand down her ass. I started kissing her neck, and she let out a little moan, and placed her hands on my chest. "You wanna sit down?" I asked her, motioning to her bed. She said ok, and sat on the edge of the bed. I sat next to her and we continued making out. Deciding to move things forward, I gently pushed her back, so she was laying down, but still with her feet on the floor. I kissed her again, and slipped my hand under her shirt, touching her stomach. She kicked off her shoes, and I slid my hand up to her bra. It was one with an underwire, but I managed to get my hand under it, and cupped her soft breast. It was a handfull, probably a C cup. I started to lay halfway on top of her, kissing her neck, rubbing her breasts, and grinding my cock into her thigh. She grabbed my my arm, pulling me closer. At this point, my cock was at full mast, and getting a little uncomfortable. I said, "Hold on," and stuck my hand down my pants, adjusting myself. Jessie just stared at me with lust in her eyes. Once I was comfortable, we continued kissing and groping. She still hadn't actually touched my cock with her hands, so I thought I'd tried to encourage her a little. I moved my hand down and caressed her stomach, playfully sticking my finger in her bellybutton. "That tickles," she said with a giggle. "Good," I said as I kissed her and slid my hand underneath her waistband. I traced my finger over the top of her panties. Not sensing any sign that she wanted me to stop, I then moved my hand further down, softly pressing on the mound of hair underneath the thin fabric. She started kissing my neck, and then nibbled on my ear. My fingers found their way under the side of her panties, slightly lifting them, as I rubbed the fold between her legs and crotch. It was obvious that she shaved the sides, because the skin was really soft and smooth. I could feel her heartbeat quicker, while I layed on the side of her chest, kissing her softly. I moved my hand back to the top of her panties, and stuck my fingertips underneath the top, pausing a moment, before I decided to touch her naked pussy. As I slid my hand inside her panties, I looked down to see a few brown hairs sticking out of the top. My fingers softly caressed her moist pussy lips, which easily spread open. Jessie started sucking on my ear more, and put her hand up the back of my shirt. Slowly, I pushed my middle finger in her pussy, just enough to get the tip wet, and then took it out and start rubbing her clit. We layed like that for a few minutes, kissing, and necking, with me rubbing her clit, as I started to finger her. Her breathing was becoming more rapid and her legs started to open up. Jessie's hands were moving over my chest. She started tugging at my shirt, trying to take it off, which I gladly helped her do. I then layed back down next to her, and she turned on her side, kissing me, as I rubbed her ass, and pressed myself into her breasts. I went back to fingering her again, and rubbing and sucking on her tits. She was getting really wet now. Her hands slid down and undid my belt. Then she pushed me on my shoulder, getting me to lay back. Jessie moved down slightly and unsnapped my pants. I helped her by pulling down the zipper and then sliding them off, kicking them from my ankles. She leaned over me, kissing my neck, and rubbing her hands over my chest and stomach. Things kind of stalled for a moment, so I pulled her panties down a bit, until she got the hint, stood up, and took them off. She was now standing there completely naked, as I layed there on the bed. I put my hands on her sides, kissing her stomach, and got her to lay back down. Then I moved down to kneel on the floor, so that her pussy was right in front of my face. She looked at me with an uncertain expression, knowing what was about to happen, but perhaps afraid. If I had to guess, she had never had oral sex before. I played with her pussy lips, sticking two fingers inside. Then, I rubbed her clit with my thumb and started fingering her. Licking my lips, I leaned forward, and replaced my thumb with my tongue. As I began licking her clit, there was an instant response as her legs twitched. I looked up to see Jessie staring back at me with a mixture of lust and innocence, obviously enjoying what was happening. My fingers curled up inside her, finding her g-spot. I then did the three finger motion of "show-me-the-money" where my thumb was rubbing her clit in little circles, and my two fingers were pressing against the little nub inside. Her legs were really shaking now, and she started to whimper. I gave it all I had, thrusting my fingers inside, licking her and massaging the sides of her pussy, all while my other hand reached up and played with her breasts and rubbed her stomach. Jessie's hand was on the side of my hand, encouraging me to continue. She was practically panting at this point. Suddenly, she began saying "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god" as her body tensed up, and she started cumming. I watched her face while it was happening. She turned completely quiet, her eyes closed, mouth open, with her hand on the back of my head, pulling my face to her pussy. Some liquid sprayed into my mouth, with a faint taste of urine (ugh), but I really didn't mind at that point, since she had probably just had the her first orgasm of her life. She eventually had to force me to stop rubbing her clit, and gently pushed my head away, as she layed there, with tears in her eyes. I got up and layed down next to her, wiping a tear from her check. "Don't be sad," I said jokingly. She gave me a quick laugh, and said, "What did you do to me?" "I'm sorry, didn't you like it?" "Uhh.. Yeah!" she said joking back. "Good," and then I kissed her, "Do you want me to leave now?" "No. But I guess you have to get back to work?" she asked as she got up and put her panties back on. "Yeah.. I could probably stay a little longer though." "OK," Jessie said, and then put her hand on my boxer-briefs, rubbing my hard cock. As we both stood there, she kept rubbing my crotch and then in one smooth motion, she pulled down my briefs, and knelt on the floor in front of me. My cock was leaking a lot of precum, and she just looked at it, mesmerized, as she held it in her hand. "Sorry, I'm leaking," I said, trying to lighten the situation. She was speechless, as she she pumped her hand up down, causing more to leak out. It was just about to drip on the floor, when she leaned forward and licked the head, getting a taste test. I put a hand on her shoulder, not pressuring her, but definitely letting her know that I wanted more. She then mouthed the head, and the first couple of inches disappeared into her mouth. "Fuuuck," I said in a barely audible whisper. It had been nearly a week since I've jacked off, and much longer since my last blowjob. "You don't have to do this, you know," I told her. She took her mouth off my cock and said, "I want to," and resumed sucking. Jessie kept one hand firmly around my dick as she bobbed her head up and down for a minute. I kept my hand steady on the side of her head, very gently guiding her down my cock. My other hand covered hers and moved it up and down my shaft. She got the hint and started moving it on her own. I then sat down on the bed, with her mouth staying with me the entire time. Propped up on my elbows, I looked into her eyes as she went down and sucked on my balls, holding my cock in her hand. She licked her way back up the shaft, and took it in her mouth again. I was getting very close to cumming. Her hand cupped my balls, as she bobbed her head, up, down, up, down. "Oh fuck, keep doing that.." I said letting her know not to stop. This went on for another 30 seconds or so, and I told her I was going to cum soon. I fully expected her to stop sucking, but she just kinda mumbled "mmhmm" and kept going. My hips were thrusting up and down with the motion of her mouth, faster and faster. I felt the point of no return, and held it off for as long as I could. I made one last thrust, and then "Oh fuuuuuuuuck!" my cock flexed and started shooting the large load that had built up. The first few blasts were strong and quick, and Jessie couldn't quite handle the flood. She opened her mouth as I continued to shoot, my cum spilling out onto her lips, and down her chin. I must have shot close to ten times. Holy shit. Somehow, she didn't get anything on her face, but I could see the cum in her mouth, all over her lips, chin, and running down my shaft into my pubes. I fell back to the back, completely spent, and she just looked at me with an "OMG, I can't believe that just happened" expression. She closed her mouth, and swallowed, then licked her lips and swallowed that too. She wiped her chin, looked at the cum, and said, "I'll be right back." She came back with a towel, and handed it to me. I wiped myself off, and we both put out clothes back on. Just then, my phone rang. It was work, so I told her I had to get going. We kissed again. and I told her I'd call her later. Which reminds me, I should probably call her sometime. :D Popeyes I just ate some fried chicken. The breasts were juicy, and the buns were soft and warm. Afterwards, the division manager of Popeyes came up to my table and asked me how the meal was. I said I was satisfied, but the meal lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. He apoligized profusely, and said he had something to show me that would make up for it. He lead me to the back of the popeyes, to a room soaked from floor to ceiling in blood. In the center of it was a live horse, chained by all four legs to the structural supports of the warehouse like room. As I watched, employees of the popeyes cut large sections from the horse, which was whinneying and screaming in horror. The popeyes employees took the chunks of horseflesh and sliced them into pieces, then they rooted around through the bags of trash strewn around the room to find discarded chicken bones. They quickly tenderized the meat with sledgehammers and fed it into a machine which formed the horsemeat around the bones, then they breaded and deepfried it. I asked the division manager why he had led me back to this place, and he pointed at the steed's rump, the asshole puckering rythmically with terror. "We're just about to use that section, would you like a crack at it first?" I quickly unzipped my pants and wasted no time jamming my erect PENIS into the stallion's defenseless asshole. I came just as the horse died. I was delighted. Popeyes definitely went the extra mile to make me a satisfied customer People idolize over Haruhi Suzymiya Pokemon Shiny Pidgey Pokemon/DON'T JOKE ABOUT RAPE Spoof Okay, I am fucking sick and fucking tired of these fucking reposts about losing a shiny pidgey! LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY! Joke about anything else you want, /b/... Joke about cp, joke about loli, joke about murder, joke about drugs, but DON'T FUCKING JOKE ABOUT LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY! Losing a shiny pidgey DESTROYS a trainer, it STRIPS THE TRAINER OF HIS BADGES! It is disgusting, inhumane, regressive and insane. LOSING A SHINY PIDGEY IS OFF THE FUCKING TABLE, /b/, NOT EVEN YOU FUCKING VIRGIN ASSHOLES CAN BE SUCH FUCKHOLES THAT YOU JOKE ABOUT A SHINY PIDGEY BEING LOST! And no, I am not fucking Ash Ketchum, I am a trainer, I lost a shiny pidgey. My 1/8192 chance pokemon was taken from me, I can never get it in a pokeball. I was defeated again and again and again and again and again by The Elite Four when I was on victory road, I wanted to fucking kill my fucking self. IS THAT FUCKING FUNNY? FUCK NO YOU FUCKHOLES! Go back to making Fresh Prince threads, /b/, you fucking arboks Porn rant Why is everyone so obseesed with porn? is everyone that desperate to have their sick fantasies fulfilled that you need to drool over /b/ all day, requesting and saucing and all that lame crap. You guys are fucking sick, go get some therapy. Flat chested 12 y/os is NOT sexy, i dont care how many people say otherwise. This site is going to the dogs and you all know it. The FBI comes and we're all screwed. So just repress it. Repress that fucking urge to come all over your niece's face because its sick. Its sick and wrong you faggots. /B/ needs to change, what happened to funny? everything is porn now. Furry porn. And guess what? furry porn isnt funny, not anymore. furry porn is desu and you all know it. I didnt come home from work to see pictures of wolves fucking each other, i came home to see Gaston and Tom Delay. Show me /B/, show me what i believed in. Pedophilia Children Need Sex Children need sex. They require release like you do but are denied it with a partner who can teach them and guide them through it lovingly. Many young children masturbate for relief-and what does mom and dad do when they find out? Why, they slap the kids hands and tell them to stop or they will go blind! Once again, this only leads to oppressive, damaging GUILT. By age 11, I was a compulsive masturbator & collected hard-core pornographic magazines like HUSTLER! I was VERY sexual and I was asking for it on a regular basis (and never seemed to get it!) and yet society would have believed I was as innocent as can be. This harmed me. If I had only known a pedophile then, I would have been much happier in my childhood! But then again, if I had decided to have sex with a pedophile adult, they would have been imprisoned and I would have been in therapy for brainwashing to accept my "abuse". But my childhood had a happy ending-fate soon blessed me at 11 and a half with a woman pedophile who sexually educated me! Other kids are more like I was than you maybe would like to admit. Perhaps you were something like this in your own youth and due to guilt you wish not to admit this side of yourself existed. Think back and be honest with yourself-it is ok to be sexual and you are not alone or wrong! Stop feeling guilty about a natural bodily function and do not infect our kids! Children do many things that are new to them. Sex is one of those things. A child must learn sometime, and "waiting for their wedding" is WAY too late! The sex drive is the most important one in our species besides breathing air and eating! We are made for sex! Children are made to enjoy it too! Repressing these feelings is NOT healthy. It is also unhealthy for kids to deny themselves relief. Sex by itself is NOT damaging to kids. This is a myth designed to attack pedophiles and deny kids their rights. In a misguided effort to "protect" kids, society has actually HARMED them by repressing perfectly natural feelings which DEMAND expression. Without it, healthy development and beliefs about sex are problematic. Kids masturbate and climax, and it does NOT "scar" them for life! By itself (remember-it is the guilt not the sex!) having sex with an adult (or another child) will NOT harm a child! It is a normal bodily function. Kids urinate and defecate as you do-they also experience sexual gratification (usually via masturbation) just as you do. A 10 year old boy may not ejaculate semen, but he CAN climax. A 10 year old girl can and often already does masturbate and she climaxes. Society needs to accept that kids are sexual beings. Give them that chance. Do not deny them the right of sexual free-expression. Children DO intitiate sexual contact with adults and there is nothing wrong with it. Adults can also intiate. We must teach our kids the importance of their right to own themselves. This means they can REFUSE sex with an adult at any time. It also means they can accept an offer and inititiate one themselves! This is the part that society hypocritically refuses to allow. They say kids own themselves, but when that belief is tested, society applies a double-standard and denies kids a right to do as they wish to themselves. Implied in the belief that kids can say no is the acceptance of them saying yes! You cannot have it both ways. Either they own their bodies or they do not. If they can only say "no" according to you, then they do not own themselves in your eyes! Pedophiles are the opposite of "predators". In fact, they are the ONLY TRUE "child advocates" in this regard on earth, since the take the opinion of the child and his/her wishes into full account! Pedophiles love children. That is what the word means, (pedo=child phile=lover) it is not a bad word to describe a monster-except in the eyes of the media which distorts and sadly shapes public opinion against child-loving advocates-i.e. pedophiles. It is time for a new opinion about us-a positive one. The problem pedophiles have (particularly male ones) is that if ANY adult shows a special excessive interest in kids, that person is immediately suspected of being a pedophile. This leads to pedophiles being separated from their outlets & it harms them. It also leads to kids being taken away from people that truly care about them. It is often the case that people who show unusual interest in kids are pedophiles but is that a bad thing? Pedophiles can be a VERY positive force in the life of a child. Society does not think so and wonders why pedophiles must add the sexual element. They ask why we cannot always be happy just doing things with them that are non-sexual. The reason is that is one very important aspect of life and one that is something we find very pleasurable when it is with the people we like and love. It is no different than you! If I have sex with an 11 year old girl I love and care about, why do you care if she is willing and loves me too? The trouble is, society assumes that she is incapable of loving, or understanding it. She IS capable-she loves her parents, which is one kind of love. I am only showing her another kind that she is gladly and voluntarily experiencing with me. You must accept that she IS capable of wanting sex and relief, and feeling LOVE for me-her pedophile. You can bet that if I were in such a situation, I would love her-not just use her. It is not merely sexual. I prefer young girls. I do not cruise the streets looking for them to molest! If it happens it does and that is fine. Pedophiles do not talk down to kids & treat them with respect and listen to them. This is not the case with an average adult, and kids see right through it. Kids like pedophiles very much, whom they do not see as a heavy-handed authority figure, but rather, as a sort of "older" PEER. That is what confuses the general public about the motivations and methods of pedophiles. Society assumes the pedophile views the child as an object, and uses his/her superior smarts/abilities/experience to control the child to extract sex. But pedophiles do not do this and never advocate such tactics! It goes against their very nature to do that! The reason society falls for this assumption is it is "transferring" what IT would do if in that situation. Since "regular" adults do not really respect or understand children, they assume the same mindset applies to pedophiles-and it does not! A "regular" adult does not understand pedophilia or pedophiles, & so they assume the pedophile is approaching the situation as a "regular" adult with a perverted streak in them-bent on taking advantage of children-since that is what the average "regular" adult could see himself/herself doing if they were sex maniacs looking for an easy outlet to prey on. But pedophiles are not this way-we are not predators looking for targets! Being a pedophile is a way of life-not a sick perversion. Kill Pedophobes To all pedophiles: Annoyed/depressed about being pedsecuted?, here's something to think about; most of the people in the world, i.e. your family, the guy walking down the street, your workmates HATE what you are. They'd happily kill a pedophile if they thought they could get away with it, maybe torture too. Bearing this in mind, do they deserve any better than you? - they have declared themselves by default as your adversaries - why not take the fight to them? Here is a useful strategy - identify those around you who the above description fits - the ones who, on hearing of a child porn possessor, say stuff like "I hope he gets the broom-handle and razor treatment in jail". THEY ARE YOUR ENEMIES. Destroy them. Not all at once but in little ways, spread rumours, piss in their coffee, sugar their gas -- ANYTHING you can GET AWAY WITH. fight the antis Help Your Child Climax You should help your child climax and experience the joys and sensation and relief of orgasm. This is very important. You should teach them to help you climax and do the same for them. Explain orgasm to them. Tell them how good it feels to boys and girls to obtain release, that orgasm is a pleasurable feeling in their bodies that they need to understand & experience & that they need to know how to bring it about with a partner. If they already masturbate, show them how to complete it to climax if they have not discovered it yet. If they do not really know how to masturbate, show them how and demonstrate yourself doing it. Tell them it's normal and healthy and they should do it to relieve sexual tension. A child is not stupid-but often ignorant due to lack of information. Inform them! A climax can be scary to a child, it is a powerful experience they may not have had yet. You must guide them & explain that it won't hurt them, & is even good for them! I've been living with a secret. For 10 years now I've been living with a secret (or more accurately, a lie) and I've decided this situation cannot continue. I am forced to deny an integral part of myself to friends and family, if it was widely known, I would be unemployable, most women would turn away in disgust at the thought of romance, I would be unable to see many of my relatives and also be perpetually vulnerable to physical assault. I am a girl-lover - what you would call a pedophile. I am sexually attracted to girls from 5 years old (occasionally as young as 3), with the ages of about 8-9 being preferred. For what it's worth, I am attracted to adult women also. I refuse to cope with the secrets and lies that this aspect of my life requires; together with a desire to do some good for those in my situation I have made a plan for ACTION - I have identified a list of people who represent the clearest danger to child-lovers this nation; they are members of the judiciary, individual "vigilantes", particular journalists et cetera. All of the names on this list have caused terrible harm to "my people". They are the targets, I have weapons and the skill and the will to use them. I go forward with this work in the hope that others will follow - may our enemies soon know fear to moderate their hate, I do not hope to survive long once embarking on this path but do not pity me - making this decision has given me hope and purpose that a hidden life would never have provided. Farewell, and when you learn of my fate do not mourn me but rather celebrate what I am about to do. I cut my penis /b/, I am posting this to you in extreme agony. This is no copy pasta, this isn't a stupid post trying to get attention, this is a serious cry for help. I have been faithfull to you, /b/, for many years, and now I hope you can help me. I was trying to shave my genitals today, to make them a little more comfortable for summer. I had no razor, so I was using some titanium scissors. Needless to say, I missed and accidentally removed a sizable chunk from the head of my PENIS. I passed out at first, but I woke up an hour or so later, covered in blood. I was able to stop the bleeding...but I wanted to put it back on and hope it would all be better.... I used super glue. It's holdong on there, but theres still blood, and a really bad line around the chunk, and it hurts oh god so bad... I have no medical insurance so I can't go to the doctor, and I live by myself so I can't get anyone else to help. I need someone on /b/ who knows something about medical stuff. What can I do? I don't know, if I leave it on there with the glue will it heal itself back on? Help me please, it hurts a lot. I've already taken 4 extra strength tylenol and its not helping... Bare Naked Chest See I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest. Pedo Girlfriend I can't believe I'm doing this... but I need your advice, /b/. I come home today to find 8 or 9 select images from my CP collection on my monitor. The really hardcore stuff. I'm sure some of you have seen the set of the 6 year old girl in the dog collar crying while she's molested. That kinda caliber of stuff. I know I'm fucked. I never leave my PC on when I'm at work, and I certainly don't leave CP onscreen. I walk into the kitchen and my girlfriend is sitting at the table eating a sandwhich. This is it. I'm proper fucked. "Hey" "So... are you into that kinda stuff?" no point denying the obvious "Yea... I mean... fuck I've never done anything to any kids or anything. I've never paid anyone. I... it's just the way I'm wired I guess. Shit I dunno..." "Huh... you know there's places where you can do stuff like that." "What?" She slides some travel brochures for thailand and the phillipines over the table. "Maybe we should think about somewhere else for vacation instead of new york this year." She gets up, puts her plate in the sink, gives me a kiss on the cheek, and leaves for class. This has to be a trick. She must be setting me up for the death penalty or something. God wouldn't let me be this happy. There's no way in hell I can have a pedo girlfriend. Sadly... I'm in your hands, /b/. PS3 I was watching a local news thing (NYC) about the PS3 release. What shocked me the most was that 90% of the people on the lines were niggers! Now obviously niggers are not smart enough to be reselling PS3s. I might be able to believe that niggers are dumb enough to buy them for 599 US DOLLARS. But I cannot understand where a nigger would GET 599 US DOLLARS. Is robbery up, like 1000%? I haven't noticed it.... My only hope is that maybe some rich white fellow is paying them minimum wage to stand in line and buy a PS3 for him, so he can resell it. Q R Rabbit-chan Rabbit chan is all I think about every day. I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how I'll never be with her. repeat x10 Random Image:Legendary_icon.gif hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^... im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe...toodles!!!!! love and waffles, *~t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m~* Rap Music Rap music: -degrades the english language -Promotes tagging and vandalism -degrades women -Implies postivity to primitive force (look at any metal cd, and youll see an imaginative cover with interesting artwork, look at a hip hop Cd, and youll see a pissed off nigra wanting to fight) -Shifts values to "bling" and expensive shoes which leads to theft -Promotes Rastafrian culture, which tries to legalize weed Rap can be made by ANYBODY, a preset drum machine is all you need to make primitve music and get signed to a record label. If youve been shot, thats credible and prefered to hype your image, just like growing up on the "street" The lyrics are simple, the sentences dont need to be related, just whatever can ryhme is fine. They dont even have to make sense, just as long as it sticks to an even flow. And sometimes, rappers will get lazy and mispronounce words to rhyme. Now some of you guys are gonna say "omg racist", but more thn half of all nigra music is sold to whites. No other genre of music promotes more negative values than hip hop, and as it spreads toward different regions, it infects the native population like a fungus. There is NO talent in rap, so next time, whe your downloading music, get yourself a king crimson, dark tranquility, symphony x or non-hip hop album. Your brain will thank you for not degenerating it into a pile of primtive processing jello 50 Cent STFU and Look, I'm sick and tired of yall critisizing 50. I know EVERYTHING there is to know about 50 Cent. He is the best rapper out there, and if you don't think so, well you don't know music and you don't even listen to all of 50 Cent's songs. Some of the songs may be a little nasty but that isn't all he raps about. He sings about violence bacause he had somuch of it in his life! i mean he DID see his mother be murdered. and he sings about drugs sometimes because he dealed crack at a young age. he lost a lot of loved ones at a very young age too. he didn't start dealing drugs until that happened. Maybe you all should give his music a chance- by one of his cds. One day, i will meet 50 and tell him all about what i think. 50 Cent is the best! Rape Real Doll Hey /b/ I'm in a pretty fucking pissed off mood today. I'm using a friend's computer because the fucking FBI confiscated mine. I'm calling for a boycott of REAL DOLL. Here's what happened. You can order custom Real Dolls so I specified that I wanted their smallest model with no pubic hairs and a perfectly flat chest. Two weeks later I notice the charge hasn't gone through on my Visa so I called to ask if there was a problem. The guy on the phone asks what my order number was and I tell him. I then hear him talking in the background to someone, maybe his manager and he comes back and says there is no problem that they're waiting for a custom part to be milled and won't bill my credit card until it's finished. No problem. Well this morning the fucking FBI bust down my door with a warrent. They grab my fucking computer, they grab all my CDs and DVDs (even more store bought music CDs and DVDs) and all my videotapes and leave with them and take me in for questioning. They tell me Real Doll called the FBI to register a complaint that I'm a pedo trying to buy illegal pedo products. WTF!?! There was nothing illegal about the Real Doll I was trying to buy. But the FBI said it was suspiscious enough that it gave them grounds to get a fucking search warrent to look through my shit for CP. WTF!?! What fucking country is this? The most they'll find is maybe some legal softcore Loli hentai because I don't have any CP. Hell I don't even like porn of real people which is why I was buying a fucking Real Doll in the first place. So now they've told me not to leave town until the investigation is over (which I don't think they can legally do anyways, until I'm charged I'm legally free to go wherever I want), I have to hire a fucking lawyer, and I've got no fucking computer or CDs or DVDs or even fucking video tapes until they're done searching through my shit. I'm hungry Room Mate Hai /b/ I have a problem. I live with a girl. We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I kind of like her and she kind of likes me back, there is def. something going on between us. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I couldn't help myself, so i went into her bedroom and masturbated over her sleeping body (she sleeps in this kinky teddy..HAWT) Well, I started doing it every night, then last night, I went into her room like usual and started masturbating only to find out that she was awake! I almost ran out of the room and but she stopped me and said that she knew I had been doing it for the past week! I was really embarassed. I couldn't say anything, until she asked "so are you gonna fucking me instead of FAPPIN' off to me?" I couldn't believe it! I went over and got in bed with her and we fucked most of the night! The next morning, I was awoken by her screaming. She didn't know why I was in her bed. On top of that she thinks I raped her in her sleep! Now she's crying and threatening to call the cops on me! /b/, my old and trusted friend, what should I do??? S Sadako Watching TV was quickly becoming the dullest thign I had done in a while. I wish I was doing what I had been doing a week ago; that was actually fun. This, however, was just shit. It was worse than browsing /b/. Regis Philbin was on my damn TV and it was pissing me off that this was the only channel I had. I figured that this wasn't going to change anytime soon, so I got up to go get me some falafel. As I was rising out of my chair, the TV flickered. I looked at it for a second, shrugged, and continued on my epic quest for falafel. Flicker. Now what was this? I moved back and forth to see if perhaps the capacitance of my body had flickered the TV. Flicker. My screen was now nothing but static, and a strange, ringing sound was eminating from it. This was entirely typical. My shit TV had finally decided to kick the bucket. I sighed and went to unplug it, when I noticed the screen had suddenly become clear again. But it was not Regis, it was a blank monochrome image of a well. I thought it was some sort of commercial. It strangely caught my interest, so I sat back down in my chair and stared at the image of the well before me. It seemed so still, but then, I saw a hand come out of the top. Something was climbing out of the well. It raised its head, which was covered in wet, black hair. I couldn't see its face. It was at this time I was thoroughly creeped out. It pulled itself out of the well and began shambling toward me slowly. It was a girl. She was pale looked waterlogged, like a dead thing that had fallen into a puddle. She was drawing closer. I felt sick now, and I knew it was silly to feel like this over a commercial, but my heart was pounding. All I could see was her black hair covering the entire screen. Then, I screamed. Her hand reached out of my television. "Wha-, what are you!?" I shrieked. She pulled herself out of my set, raised her head, and gazed at me. "Sada...ko..." she croaked. Her body fell to my floor in a sickening, wet slap. She was crawling to me now, and I was too petrified to move. I knew I should run, but I didn't. It was entirley too out of this world to do anything but watch. The dead girl descended on me, hanging over my body with her corpselike gape. She pushed me down; her ice cold hand connected with my arm as she forced herself on top of me. I knew I was going to die. I knew she'd strangle me. It was then I realized she was naked. Her skin was cloud white, her cold breasts were almost translucent with blueish nipples; I could slightly see her muscles through her skin. Her face was as thin and white as her young body, and her eyes were rolled back into her head, as if she didn't have pupils. Sadako dropped herself onto me, and I felt a tremendous cold fear that I had never experienced. Water was dripping onto me as she writhed. She hissed and croaked and moaned; her breath was like a cold, still wind. She pushed her head down and sealed her lips over mine. I felt sick. Her frigid tongue caressed my teeth slowly as she seemingly ate my mouth. I felt terribly strange as I realized I was being unwillingly aroused. She was already slowly humping the lump in my pants. "T..ake... them off..." she hissed; as she pulled her mouth from mine, cold saliva dripped onto my chest. Sadako then kissed me again, continuing to consume my face with her grip-like jaw. She was gently gnawing at the sides of my mouth and teeth. I was so petrified that I obeyed her command. I reached down and pulled my pants down, so that my now erect PENIS was available to her. This was too sick. It was horrible and so wrong. I was being raped. She sat up on me and braced herself on the back of my chair with her hands. I looked down and saw her hovering above my PENIS; she was holding it up with one thin hand as she began to descend on me. My PENIS felt cold when her blue-white vulva brushed against it, but then, I felt suddenly strange. As she lowered herself onto me, as I entered her, I felt warm. She was going down on me, but instead of dry and cold, her soft insides felt warm and slippery. I felt so different now. There was a transcendal feeling going through my head, like she was becoming one with me, or entering my mind on some higher level. I felt my heart squeeze and I then knew I would give myself to her, because I loved her. I reached out slowly and ran a finger down her emaciated stomach. It was as cold as I thought it would be. I held my hand against her and felt up and down the side of her abdomen. I traced my hand up her body and touched her pallid breast. I actually felt pleasure now. She was going up and down, and with every thrust she heaved and hissed. Her breath was heavy and deliberate. Her eyes were clenched shut. She was so beautiful. I was feeling dizzy now. Things were beginning to spin. The white-skinned girl seated on me was going faster and faster. With each of her movements, I could feel her spongey interior grasping and caressing me with gentle but firm care. It was like a loving touch of her hand on me, only a thousand times better. I was feeling more and more heartwrenched. I put my arms around her quickly and pulled her cold body to my chest. I hugger her like this, I squeezed her tightly, I called her name and clenched my eyes. She gripped my PENIS with her hot inner muscles and threw her head back; her wet black hair showered me in an aerosol of mist as she violently buckled. I felt hollow for a moment, then I exploded. I came in her. The feeling wouldn't stop. Everything was spinning now, everything was going white. I was dying. She had taken the soul out of me. When it was all gone, I was dead. Something Awful Showing /b/ to my little sister So it was around 4:00 in the afternoon and I left /b/ for a few minutes to get something to eat. My little sister was in the kitchen and told me that she got straight A's on her report card. "O rly?" I asked, laughing a bit. She didn't quite get the humor of it, but laughed weakly anyways. Thats what triggered me. Immediately after that show of disrespect to everything I hold dear, I grabbed the little bitch by her pigtails and dragged her upstairs to my room. I held her head in place as we went through page after page of /b/ material. "Cockmongler, furry faggots, guro..Do you see?" "Yes.." she replied softly "Copypasta, traps, milhouse..Do you see?!" "Yes!" she cried out "Diabeetus, camwhores, candlej HOLY FUCK I ALMOST SAID IT...DO YOU SEE?!" Well, she didn't get a chance to reply because I suddenly thrust her face through the monitor, fracturing her skull and mildly electrocuting her. She's listed in critical condition now and I'm posting this on a shitty PSP because my monitor is broken. Fuck, I miss that monitor. We hate YOU As expected, you can't even come up with an original burn. I do believe every single SA member I have ever met has asked me that EXACT same question. But I will answer it again, and in doing so, hopefully create some copy-pasta. You see, we don't hate Lowtax. We hate YOU. That's right. We hate the individual members of SA. We hate Lowtax by proxy just because he hosts a haven for all of the elitist fags on the internet. If SA were to suddenly vanish, no one would care about Lowtax. It's people like YOU who are why we hate SA. You do nothing but go around insulting people on the internet; you think it makes you cool because you can find all of the spelling errors in a post. It doesn't matter how many R's you can put on the end of HURR, you will NEVER be cool. I know full well you will read this post, ignore it, and go right back to pretending you are a leet haxor because your internet forum costs money, and how you e-PENIS is bigger that the entire internet combined. In closing, learn how to internet, or go back to your circle jerk. You think that your 10 bux keeps people out, but no, it keeps you away from us. Sex change Part X of I've only got this one, /g/ version Dear /g/ : I have decided that i want a sexchange. Current medical technology yeilds a very poor result. A vagina can be made from the penis, but it will likely have hair inside of it, and there is a good chance of damaging the sensitive nervs, which would make sex unpleasurable. Breasts can only get but so big, nipples would not function. There would be no reproductive capability, and bone structure cannot be modified. My plan is to build an AI system which can revise and improve on its self. It would be a cognitive AI system, a truely intelligent machine. Each time it improves on it's self, by modifying it's source code, it would increase in it's intellectual capacity in an exponential manner. Being that it would be superintelligent, it could run a profitable business, to generate income, which it would use to buy materials needed to improve upon its self. It should be able to develop the required technologies needed to proform an exceptional sex change. Not only would i transition over to being female, i would actually be a real woman, with full reproductive capability. Any sort of mental defects would be resolved, and i would have a completely healthy new body, void of any detromental conditions. This means i could live on for ever, looking great and the only way of death would be if somebody killed me or if got into an accident of some sort. So my question to the guests of 4chan, is your thoughts on this process. Also i would be interested in hearing any ideas you have for creating such AI and approprate hardware to run it on. Please refrain from ethical discussions, as i think it is 100% ethical to produce a machine which could solve all of humanitys health and technology problems. thank you /g/ for your time and support. She's so fucking cute and sweet She's so fucking cute and sweet. I'd treat her to some fancy restaurant, then take a long romantic walk with her, holding hands and talking about philosophy, art and dreams. Then I'd invite her to my home and ravage her hot ass for hours, and forcing my cock down her throat so she choked on both the throbbing cock and her own rectal juice. I'd then proceed to cum on her cute innocent face. Then, as the ultimate love gift, I'd carry her in my arms to the tub and let my piss wash away the semen and last dignity from her. I'd whisper "I love you" and give her a tender smile, and cut her throat from ear to ear with a knife. Covered in her own warm blood, she'd look straight into my very soul, forgiving, understanding. A bubble from blood and saliva would burst between her lips, then she'd die. After some additional lovemaking, I'd stuff her in a bin bag. Three Weeks later, some playing children will find her mutilated and desecrated body in the forest. They will be scarred for life. Shit in her bag Shit in her lolita bag The poster of this particular Copypasta was originally searching for relationship help in /b/. Although there were some genuine advice from other b-tards, the majority of replies were either telling the OP to 'shit in her bag' (as in 'shit in his girlfriend's bag') OR a combination of advice and ways to 'shit in her bag'. While the OP's girlfriend was a 'gothic lolita', one particular reply told the OP to 'shit in her lolita bag' for the most effective result. Anonymous 07/31/06(Mon)04:41:38 No.11020816 Dear /b/ While I know that most of you tards will not answer me properly, I don't mind; I just want to get something off my chest. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now but our relationship has gotten quite rough for the past half year. Ever since she came back from Japan after being there for 3 weeks over the Christmas and New Years holiday, she's become a very Japanese obsessive with the whole 'Gothic Lolita' fashion. While I do generally enjoy the fashion as a whole (my girlfriend looks very beautiful in lolita outfits), I am not very supportive with the community behind this sub-culture. Some (if not most) of these girls are snobby, arrogant, ignorant and vain bitches. Also, these said girls attempt to practice 'lolita etiquette' like the following: * A lolita should strive to hold her bag in front of her with both hands when walking (many lolitas fail to realise that a beautiful bag is as important as the shoes, it's important to buy a well coordinated bag that compliments your outfit as it's so noticeable) * A lolita's posture must be refined- she must sit and hold herself in an elegant and poised manner without the need to fidget. A recommended sitting position is with both feet neatly tucked to either the left or right (never crossed legged) with her hands gently resting upon one another in her lap. * A lolita must always be delicate, she must not do things in bad taste such as blowing her nose in public * A lolita must pay special attention to the small, daintier things that the common eye will miss, for example her shoes will never be scuffed. (It is advisable to carry pocket-sized shoe polish in the handbag) and there are never loose threads on her clothes (so carry a tiny pair of sewing scissors to get rid of loose threads) and her garment will always be impeccably pressed (no wrinkles). If you've read this far, I'm very proud of you because I almost died reading through the first two points. Anyways, that was an example of what the community invloves. My girlfriend has developed a 'princess complex' because of this sub-culture and it's tearing us apart. It feels like I'm drifting further and further apart from her because my once happy relationship has turned somewhat very plain. I know this because I've noticed that I'm downloading more and more pornography these days. (yes, fap jokes aside). Anyways, she recently found some porn on my computer. I don't go to great lengths in hiding it because I'm generally very open and honest with my girlfriend. I'd thought that even if she found some porn on my PC, she would understand considering I'm a guy and she doesn't necessarily give me what I want most of the time (I mean its okay. I'll just do it myself if she cannot do it with me.) But yea, I was wrong. She got very mad at me. We've somewhat patched it up and I apologised etc but whenever we get into an argument, she would bring it up. Where it be related or not, she would just throw it in my face. It's been happening for the past month or so and tonight was no exception. Whenever I don't want to argue with her, I walk away but she doesn't let me and give me shit about me being pathetic, a sore loser, cannot handle the truth and etc. All I want to do when I walk away is to avoid punching her in the face. I'm not down with domestic violence and yet she seems to give me more and more the incentive to but I'm holding on. I won't hit her. She has slapped me across the face before but missing my cheek and hitting my right ear. For about 2 months when I blow my nose, air comes out of that ear. I'm actually partially deaf in that ear now having seen my GP. No one else knows about it. When I find that there's too much noise during the night when my computer is on. I would sleep on my left ear because my right ear is not as responsive. Well that's about it. I've never opened up to anyone in this world like I have with my girlfriend - physically, mentally, spiritually... and yet. I have all that been worked against me when she argues with me. I feel really torn, destroyed, insecure and betrayed. I really want to never open up to any girl in this world anymore. My ex in the past cheated on me with one of my friends and now another blow on my trust. I don't know what to do... Thanks for listening anyways if you've actually read this far. Bel-air it, copypasta it, whatever. Thanks for letting me vent. Shitty day All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: 0.Occupied. 1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. - Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently. - Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. - Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom. Silver - Breaks into a secure research lab and steals a Pokemon - Evades police capture until they just give up - Has an unexplained personal vendetta against Team Rocket - Meets and battles alongside Lance before you - Unlike the rival in Red and Blue, you get a game over if you lose to him - Ambushes you steps from the end of Victory Road when your Pokemon are all worn out from the dungeon - Has no help from anyone, especially the several influential intellectuals that help you, but manages to accomplish more than you - Defeats all gym leaders including Blue before you, but knows that it's not worth his time to track down Red - In Pokemon Stadium 2, is the hardest battle in the game and has mastered a level 100 Mewtwo, Ho-oh and Lugia - Doesn't give a shit about "catching them all" - Has hardcore fight music: http://rapidshare.com/files/276635/Pokemon_GSC_vs_Rival_Battle_Theme_Metal.mp3.html I present to you a question, /v/. A conundrum, if you will. Badass or baddest ass ever? Slugs and worms Hey /b/ Today, I was lifting an old carpet, as we have a damp problem. Underneath there were hundreds of slugs and worms. My wife and I picked up about 40 slugs and put them in a pair of my wife's panties. I then put the panties on. The feeling was amazing. I got a huge erection and I could feel them sliding over my glans, and round my balls. Eventually I could feel one going up my bum. I knew I would come soon, so I let my wife tie me up, with my hands and feet speadeagled and attached to some furniture. She then took the panties down and about 15 of the slugs were crawling over my cock and balls. I came, spurting out loads of cum all over the poor things, but still couldn't move. My wife then took the other slugs out of the panties and placed them on my cock. She was careful to put some of them right on the opening of my cock, which was now covered in a mixture of sperm and glistening goo from the slugs. She opened up my arse and tried to put one in there too. I got hard again quite quickly as I thought of these slimy little things crawling over me. I imagined them biting me. One seemed to be trying to enter my uretha and this caused me to come again. That was 4 hurs ago. My cock is now very itchy, but I am about to give them another "feed". SO YEAH, I like anime Steve Irwin Suicide (girl) Okay so maybe you guys have seen my other rant thread or whatever. I just need to get this off my chest. For the better part of my life I've lived in a personal hell. When I was little my father used to whip me with a razor strap whenever he was drunk, mostly because he always went into a fit of rage whenever he drinks. Every night when I was small I'd always hide under my blankets and hope that he'd never come into my room and drag me outside by my feet to let out his anger. At one point he even groped me and tried to have sex with me. This all happened between the ages of 6 to 9. Since my mother was never home, there was no one to help me. I was always too afraid to tell the teachers about what happened whenever they would question me, and make up stories like 'I ran into a door' or 'I fell off of my bike'. I know they never believed me. About 6 years ago my father died. Somehow he drank too much, overdosed on a prescription of valium he received from a crackpot doctor of some sort, and hung himself. I was only in middle school so I arrived home to see his untwitching body hung up on the ceiling fan. I called 911 and in time the paramedics came, but my mom never came home that night. She was always away on business trips and only visited twice a month, but I never complained because she was the only person who put food on the table. During the funeral she wasn't even there. It was only me, a minister, and two second-cousins, who I had seen for the first time in my life. None of them talked to me or even offered pity. I think to them I was my father's whore of a daughter. I overheard them as they walked to their black Mercedes Benz and drove away, and I had to walk home by myself. I eventually moved out and was emancipated by my mother, who gave me the insurance-money from my father and emptied half of her bank account into mine. She told me that she was never really there for me, and said I was probably better off by myself. A few months after I moved into my apartment, she sold the house and moved somewhere else. She didn't leave any numbers or e-mails or anything. My friends never offered me any comfort either. I'm not sure whether they were even my friends to begin with. A lot of them are guys who started hanging out with me when I was in 9th grade. They always joked about how I was the prettiest girl and would never pass a chance to come into my house. Especially Julian and Frank. I mean at the time I didn't think I was hanging around with a bad crowd, but now that I look back I'm not so sure. I smoked my first blunt on my 14th birthday with them in the park. Somehow I passed out and when I came to, my bra was undone and my shirt was on the floor. Luckily no one was there, so I just walked home and tried to forget about it. The next day Julian and Frank walked up to me with the biggest smile on their faces like nothing had ever happened. I didn't say anything about it. Last year my other friends took me to some party at a college kid's house. His parents had gone out for the weekend, and the place was jam-packed with people just partying. As soon as I got there guys started hitting on me, and again Julian and Frank grabbed me by the shoulders and directed me upstairs where the cooler and bar was. They kept forcing me to drink shots until I fell over, though I suppose I was stupid to even go with them. I had puked my guts out, and Julian pulled me into the upstairs shower and tried to take off my clothes. I slapped him across the face and he punched me in the stomach and I went unconscious. I woke up the next day with my jeans torn up and Julian was on the floor, his pants undone, sleeping. I think that was when I stopped becoming his friend. Luckily I wasn't pregnant. Apart from Julian and Frank, my other friends weren't as bad. But I was always the butt of their jokes, which was really annoying. They'd always talk about how all the nutrients went from my head to my boobs, and sometimes called me a 'natural-born slut'. I don't know why I took it, but I'd always laugh it off or just look away. At night I never cut myself or anything like that. I'd just lie on my bed and try to push the bad thoughts away. One day my english teacher noticed that I was really tired and asked me if I was okay after class, and I just started crying. I don't know what came over me. He took me to the guidance counselor and she said that I was clinically depressed and that I had to see a therapist since our school doesn't have one. Somehow I had persuaded my therapist to write me a prescription for vicodin a few weeks ago. Right now I popped 2 in my mouth and took a few shots of Scotch and I feel numb all over. I don't feel particularly drowsy but I can't feel my legs. My apartment is on the 8th floor with a balcony and a thought of suicide just crossed my mind. I really don't see why I should bother anymore. I don't know, I just wanted to let everything out, and I'm crying and my hands are jittering and I don't know what to do. I don't even feel like a human being anymore and I'm just questioning myself over and over. Is it wrong for me to think this way? Suiseiseki Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu "Does master want Suiseiseki to give him a footrub-desu?" she purred. "No thank you," I said. "I'm rather tired. You should retire to your box." "But master-sama, Suiseiseki doesn't like her box-desu! I want to sleep in master-sama's bed-desu!" "Not tonight. You'll do as you're told." "Why doesn't master-sama have real girls in his bed?" "What?!" "Is master-sama's penis too small for real girls?" "Why aren't you saying desu?" "Does he have to use dolls instead?" "SAY DESU! SUISEISEKI FINISHES HER SENTENCES WITH DESU!" "Master-sama showed Suiseiseki his penis once." "DESU! MASTER-SAMA SHOWED SUISEISEKI HIS PENIS ONCE DESU!" "It was too small even for dolls." "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT SUISEISEKI!" With my right hand I snatched a pair of scissors from my desk and mashed them continually into her face. Her little body was smashed into kindling but I did not stop. Until her screams began to sound a bit like my voice, and I remembered that dolls did not scream, and they did not bleed. Suddenly there was feeling in my left hand for the first time in weeks. I lifted it out of the doll's wreckage, covered in splinters and dripping from scissored wounds. How long had my hand been inside there? How long had I been inside here, alone in my one-room apartment, talking to myself, going mad? The bolt scraped rust from the latch as I stepped outside. My eyes hurt, god the horizon ... it was a deal larger than 19 inches diagonally. But after five steps my breath quickened and my chest tightened and I turned back. Enough for today. Tomorrow I would try for six. A distant memory told me that when I reached two hundred and eighty, I would make it to the bus stop. And then I'd be free of this apartment, of this prison. And then there'd be nowhere in the world I couldn't go. Least of all the refunds counter at Moemart in Akihabara. For fuck's sake. Suiseiseki finishes her sentences with desu. Source [1] T Table Manners Can someone tell me what's the deal with Table Manners? When I was a boy in China my grandfathers would always have these big parties in holidays, and the whole family had around 20 people. The food was great and no one worried about measily "manners". We ate what we liked and did what we want, and no one did gross things such as burping, a certain degree decency is implied. When I came to the states and joined some family dinners, everyone ate like robots. There's a spoon for soup, a fork for salad, a knife for cutting, a knife for butter, a knife for bread......... give me a fucking break!!! What if I use the fucking soup spoon to eat my beans, what if I just pick up the soup bowl and drink the soup like that, what if i use my right hand to hold the fork!!? people would give me that " this is not how we do it in america look". I know your stupid rules, I just don't want to do them. And I've even read some rules about how you're not supposed to touch your nose or hair? WTF??? Oh and another thing, Why in the world are americans so scared of food that fell on the floor? It could be a perfectly clean floor that has just been cleaned 5 minutes ago so clean it shines, but a cookie fell on the floor, OH NOES!!! The cookie touched the floor!!!! it must have somehow picked up all kinds of scary bacteria and dirt!!! Better throw it away... NO! It's a perfectly good cookie and it picked up NOTHING from the floor. And you're just WASTING perfectly good food when you throw it away. Oh and newsflash!!! Your HANDS have more germs than the floor most of the time...I've seen this commercial where this guy dropped a candy on the floor and he picked it up and ate it, like it's supposed to be gross or something... so pretentious The Dream (originally broken up into many posts.) okay well the dream started off like this: her name is Liz, and she came in my backyad in a swim suit. she had forgotten her googles in my pool(her friends swim there sometimes[i'm 17, btw]). she's so cute- her wet one piece bathing suit clinging to her, her perk barely there breasts showing through the fabric, the line of her tight butt and pussy... ah. my PENIS took over.i began to get hard just looking at her standing there. i took her hand and asked her if she wanted to play a game. "okay!" she said and followed me inside. i took her to my room, and she asked what we were playing. I smiled and said "you'll see...". I told her to lay on my bed and she did so willingly. I tied her wrists and ankles to the bed posts. She said, "Oh! I know what we're playing! A tickling game!" "Kinda.".I began to tickle her to reassure her that everything was okay. She laughed and squealed and it turned me on even more, her body wiggling and her breasts jiggling. My PENIS once again took over, and I kissed her on the lips. Suprisingly, her tongue shot out and began dancing with mine.She broke the kiss and began to wiggle uncomfortbaly, and I took my finger and began to trace her breasts from the base right before I touched the nipple. Her nipples were getting hard, I could feel it through the fabric. I took my finger away and smiled as she arched her back to try to get my finger to touch her nipple. I couldn't believe it - This 10 year old was HORNY! I pleased her by twisting her nipples gently, though I wanted to tear the suit off and fuck her brains out. She moaned gently, it made me feel good to hear this.I then realised what I was doing. I was raping a minor. I said "I-I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doi-" "No", she said, "Go on. P-please. I want this. It feels so g-good." Hearing her egging me on made me even MORE horny, and I couldn't contain it anymore. I tore back the suit and marveled at her pussy. It was a work of art. It was smooth, unlike a grown woman's it didn't have any pubic hair at all, and she had begun to get wet, as it was beginning to drip down tight little butt.I bent down and rammed my tongue into her, savoring the young, untouched flavor. She was moaning in delight by now, and I pulled my toungue out and replaced it with 3 fingers. She gasped at this, and I asked Liz if she was okay, and she didn't respond - Only a moan of ecstasy. She was getting looser; I didn't want to ram into her on her first time being as tight as she was, and after a couple minutes I stopped. I untied the ropes and she sat on the edge of the bed, breathless.She said "I need to repay you. I've never felt that way before". She waved her hand for me to come sit beside her. I did, and she got on her knees in front of me. I said "Hold on, are you goi-" Before I could finish, she wrapped her hand around my dick and began rubbing."okay, that's weird". She opened her mouth and wrapped her lips around my dick. It was a wonderful feeling-the warm, wet walls of her mouth around my PENIS. It was different from a grown woman, It's always loose in their mouths, but her's was tight, and my dick barely went an 4 inches in.Suprisingly, she took more and more in her mouth, untill my whole PENIS was in her mouth, minus an inch of the shaft. On this inch she took her fingers and rubbed, while bobbing her head up and down. Every now and then she would lick and kiss it's head. This little innocent girl wasn't as innocent as I thought.I came in her mouth and she took out my dick, coughing, and I cum was sprayed all over her face. She looked disgusted and wiped it on my sheets. I asked her if she wants to go further, and without hesitation, she nodded. I layed her on the bed and rubbed my cock against her pussy, teasing her, and also making me erect again. She moaned loudly now, and begged me to go in. After a while, I did, slowly entering her. Liz's wet, warm, slippery walls were too much. I went all the way in, and she yelped. "Are you okay?" "No... B-but... Don't... Stop..." I pulled out some, she gasped, went back in, and she didn't yelp. She was getting used to it.I began to go at different angles, and at one specific angle she moaned extra load. I smiled and stayed at that angle as the moans erupted from a deeper point in her throat. I was going all the way in now, and my balls were smacking against her. I felt a cold hand on my sack, and knew it was Liz exploring, as she had never fucked before, and probably had never seen a naked man before. After a while, I was about to cum, and she beat me to it. Her hips buckled, she squealed, and came on my stomach. She sat up and began to lick it off, but before that I came on her chest. This time she was not disgusted, and when she finished me, licked her lips and drew a heart in the cum. I got the sign and layed her on the bed, and licked my cum off of her. As I did this, I sucked and playfully nibbled at her nipples. emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs After you read this, I guarantee you will feel sorry for me. Imagine this. You are attracted to women, like you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better. That's what life is like to me. I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else.Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will never know true love. They see me trollin They see me trollin They hatin Patrollin they tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP My proxy's so 1337 I'm raidin They hopin that they gon catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Tryin to catch me postin CP Mods think they got my IP But the MySQL disagrees And George Zimmer can gurantee That I'm still there lurkin with a new proxy That's right I'm Anonymous, and I do not forgive I raid at random with no incentive Best be attentive, ya'll get so stressed When you see your forum flooded with DESU DESU DESU Noobs try and think back, to the age of Snacks When we came to jack and invade and relax Or the eBaums raid, no thanks to Max One threat of a lawsuit and they piss their slacks I'm breakin the rules, closin the pool, Stratin up a JB thread and I'm makin you drool I got an AV said to have girls in preschool And that underaged vid from the Stickam cheat tool Area's grey, like Doom 3 on high gamma Party Van hatin, try to put me in the slammer Nowhere near the pool and I'm not even the spammer Just cuz I a Nigra now I'm gettin ban-hammered But they don't got the means, to combat my team We copypasta meme spouting /b/tard machines So fight on Legion, but keep that proxy sturdy Cuz when Anon posts, he's ALWAYS postin dirty Traps Trapped Babysitter Anonymous 06/05/05(Sun)18:07 No.1450178 I was 9, and was getting babysat by the 18 year old boy down the street. Even at 9 I knew I had power over men. I was always getitng told how cute I was, how adorable I was. I was determied to prove that I could control a man. I still feel that I loved the boy that was babysitting me the night I did it. it wasn't rape. it was love. I knew what I was doing. As soon as my parents left, I changed into my 'man trapping' outfit. My favorite pair of panties (pink My Little Pony) and a tank top. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when I walked out. I played it slow, rubbing against him, on the couch. Eventually I moved onto his lap and ground my cute butt into his crotch. I could feel his manhood growing. I couldn't take it. I got up, stood infront of him, pulled down my panties, and told him to touch me.I could tell he was impressed. Even at 9, my penis was a good 4 inches erect. He worked the balls and the tip. I will always remember his strong hands around my shaft. NOT COPYPASTA To tripfag, or not to tripfag: that is the question To tripfag, or not to tripfag: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous horseshit, Or to take arms against a sea of anonymous, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand fucking memes That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be fuck'd by /b/. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to tripfag: ay, there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what balls may touch When we have shuffled off this mortal harbl, Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long cat; For who would bear the whips and scorns of pyramid head, The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's fetish, The pangs of despised loli, the law's 4chan party van, The insolence of mods and the doug That patient merit of the unworthy /b/tards, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare flat chest? who would fardels pedobear, To grunt and sweat under a weary loli, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country from anonymous bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those PENISes we have Than fly to guro that we know not of? Thus conscience does make fuckwits of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their tubgirls turn awry, And lose the name of erection. - Soft you now! The fair mongler! Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my harbls remember'd. To whom it may concern To whom it may concern, I live in a haunted house, I don't know why we chose to move here, probably because it was so cheap. The whole thing was once owned by a nice family that got killed by some homicidal knife maniac, and their ghosts have definitely not left the premises. I often put things down only to see them move on their own to new places. If I leave wordpad open, I will often come back to see messages typed in while I was gone. And this is just the non-scary stuff. Sometimes the lights go dim and flicker in and out and windows shatter, blood starts to pour down the walls and my heart feels like its goign to fucking explode, when suddenly everythign returns to normal. Every night for the past two years this little 12 year old girl shows up in my room, demanding to have it back because it used to be hers. She would break things (once she fried my LCD monitor, that really pissed me off), scream like a damn banshee, and generally piss me off, especially when I'm trying to post on 4chan. But after a while of treating her like she wasn't there she has quieted down, and now usually just reads in a corner or something. But anyways, this shit isn't the problem, the problem is that last night I woke up to find this twelve year old ghost going down on me. It was the hottest shit ever, and I'm not into that loli pedobear crap, but let me tell you, the tight, frigid feel of her ethereal pink girl pussy was incredible! When it was all over she fell asleep next to me, and the next morning was gone. So now I have two problems, one is that my family and the ghost family are having dinner tonight, and she's gonna be there with her father. The other is that I need to know the technicalities of loliness: she died in 1967 so you could argue that she is nearly 42 years old since birth, but she only experienced 12 years of life. Things that bother you never bother me Things that bother you never bother me, I'm as happy as pie, a-ha! Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot, Coffee's only a dime, Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. Just take it from me, I'm just as free as any brother, I do what I like, just when I like, and how I love it! I'm right here to stay, when I'm old and gray, I'll be right in my prime, Living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time. The Burdizzo The Burdizzo is a castration device which employs a large clamp designed to break the blood vessels leading into the testicles. Once the blood supply to the testicles is lost, testicular necrosis occurs, and the testicles shrink, soften, and eventually deterioriate completely. Burdizzos have also been used by some human males as a means of self-castration, often by those seeking a remedy for a high sex drive, or those who, for religious or personal reasons, seek to become eunuchs. The burdizzo has also been used by some transsexual women and other male-to-female transgender persons, as an alternative to the surgical procedure known as an orchidectomy. Because an incision is not required, castration by burdizzo is usually bloodless and, according to some research, has a lower risk of infection, compared with traditional methods. That's evading a ban That's evading a ban, and that gets you a permaban. Trying to incite an invasion gets you merely a 2-week ban from just /b/, not from any other board. You also have the luxury of MULTIPLE SECOND CHANCES with your threads being delete multiple times. HELLO? ARE YOU GETTING A CLUE? THEY'RE TELLING YOU NOT TO DO IT AND YOU ARE DISREGARDING IT MULTIPLE TIMES, SO OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET BANNED FOR IT. Then if you're dumb enough to repost it AGAIN after being TEMPORARILY BANNED from ONE BOARD, you are going to be permabanned globally from all of 4chan. That's the way it works around here! The Terminator I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it 'the terminator'. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic 'naked terminator traveling through time' pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy. U Unicode characters For characters like ♥, ☭, or ♪, see Unicode. Unicode equivalents for wordfiltered strings These words contain special characters that will avoid the wordfilters on 4Chan's /b/. Rule 34 rulе 34 USA The anti-American alliance(...) The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission. The truth is that America has behaved with enormous restraint since September 11. Remember, remember. Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive. Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers. Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive. Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mother. Remember, remember - and realise that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have. So a few al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex. So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti. I love America, yet America is hated. America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, optimistic. Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil? Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers. Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper. And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department. To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein. Remember, remember, September 11. One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America! No, do more than remember. Never forget. The Rebel alliance(...) The Rebel alliance is made up of self-loathing Jedi who blame the Empire for every ill in the galaxy, and politicians suffering from power-envy, bitter that the galaxy's only power can do what it likes without having to ask permission. The truth is that the Empire has behaved with enormous restraint since the Battle of Yavin. Remember, remember. Remember the gut-wrenching holos of weeping stormtroopers phoning their partners to say, "I love you," before the station was destroyed. Remember those people leaping to their deaths from safety-pod hatches with no safety pods installed. Remember the hundreds of droids buried alive. Remember the smiling face of that beautiful girl who was in one of the detention cells. Remember, remember - and realise that the Empire has never retaliated for the destruction of the Death Star in anything like the way it could have. So a few Rebels got locked without a trial in cellblock 1138? Pass the Kleenex. So some Gungan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their blasters in a sky full of Empire shuttles? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti. Remember, remember, the Death Star. One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against the Empire. No, do more than remember. Never forget! V W Wapanese (also called weeaboos) Becoming Japanese for Real Nigra/Becoming Japanese for Real Spoof I hate niggers. I don't conisder myself a nigger, I'm actually black for real, well almost. I will be when I live in Oakland though. Right now I'm studying ebonics, robbery and I'm following Looting, the way of the nigra. This is why I hate niggers that know 5 gang signs and use them all the time, West side bloods ghettos motherFUCKERS. I'm actually trying to become black for real unlike all these faker nigras. FUCK YOU NIGGERS So my question is, how good are my chances of becoming black for real? Welcome to /b/ Welcome to /b/. You're ours now. Here's what you can expect. You'll stay for a while, see a few threads, laugh a bit, and see a few odd things. You'll bookmark the place for further amusement. This is where it all begins. Before too long, you'll find yourself checking on 4chan in increased frequencies. First it'll happen occasionally during the week. Then once every day or so. Then more frequently. You'll find yourself checking on it twice a day. Three times. Once per hour. Before you know it, you'll be browsing it for hours at a time. Slowly, your life will take a back-seat to /b/. You'll find yourself forgetting to call people. You'll be late for work because you'll be reading legendary threads. Slowly, your life will decline into a mindless chaos. As /b/ and 4chan slowly consume your mind, your humor will be replaced with our humor. You'll become glued to /b/. It'll be the only place you feel accepted. And then, you'll start accepting the weirder conventions. You'll find yourself fapping to loli, furry, guro, and all sorts of odd things you used to find disgusting. But now it'll all be commonplace for you, as a normal part of your life. Your personality. And then, someday down the road, you'll realize what has happened to you. Your loved ones will have left you. You'll be alone. Unemployed. Struggling to survive. And worst of all, you'll be hooked. You won't be able to fight it, because we will be all you know, and all you remember. You'll slowly dissolve into madness, or mindless stupidity. Whichever comes first. And then, one day, you will snap, and all remains of your former self will be crushed under our weight. Welcome, my friend. Welcome, my brother. Welcome to your new home. Welcome to /b/. Wife Gave Birth WWoooohoooooo /b/. My wife just gave birth and yes it is a GIRL. Oh man so fucking sweet. Right tho, i have to figure out some way of making sure she grows up into the perfect daddy loving loli. There must be some way of making sure that several years from now i will be fucking the tightest pusssy i will ever get my dick into. So cmon /b/ we need to make a plan, and i shall keep us all updated with the progress. Willy Wonka and the Rape Factory "No. Not tonight," Charlie cried as he buried his tears in his pillow. "Oh yes, tonight. Tonight, just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, and a hundred nights stretching before that ending at the day you came to live with me. Tonight, just like tomorrow." And with that, Willy Wonka removed his pants with a smirk. Usually, Charlie's parents and grandparents had been forced to watch, but Willy had killed them all and used their remains as seasoning for a new type of candy, Scrumdidllyumptious Green Soylet Surprise. Tonight would be Charlie's first night alone. "Please, Mr. Wonka, please don't!" Charlie gave out one last sob of beligerrence, but the Candyman tore off the young boy's trousers with no senses of regret. "Let's see, what do we have hear today? Is there a treat for me? I most certainly hope there is," said Mr.Wonka as we delved his thumb and two fingers into Charlie's anus. Forcing them in until they were at the knuckle, Willy moved his hand around, as if he was searching for something. Then, his hand stopped, suddenly. "EUREKA! I found it!" Removing his fingers, Charlie saw that firmly clutched in Mr. Wonka's hand was an everlasting gobstopper that Wonka had placed in there last night. Taking a lick, Mr. Wonka declared "It tastes just as delicious as the day I made it, although I don't know how I got so much corn on the shell formula." Wonka said the last line with a wink at Charlie, as if he expected him to laugh. "Oh well, time for business." And with that, Willy Wonka dropped the gobstopper to his side and began to slide his PENIS into Charlie's now-loose asshole. Charlie let out a small tear and he began to grunt with every thrust. He must escape this madness. He must kill Willy Wonka. But there were no knives in his home, in his prison. There were no guns or swords or matches, or anything. Everything that was needed was done for you by an oompa-loompa. "Charlie, in a few minutes I'm going to place this in your mouth. I think you should like it, it's flavored with an exlusive mix of Charlie Bucket chocolate. Thanks for not wiping, baby." Charlie had given himself poor anal hygeiene in an attempt to scare Wonka away, but Willy ignored it and fucked him all the same, except now with more facials. Charlie desperatly wanted out of this hell, and by now he was willing to go through any plan he could in order to escape. And that's when he saw it. Next to Wonka's shaking knees was a gobstopper. Charlie moved his hands back as if to play with Willy, but as soon as he was close enough, he grabbed the gobstopper and swallowed it hole. The taste was revolting, but he had grown used to the taste and smell of his own anal production, so it passed into his throat with no problem. And in his throat is where it lodged. By the time Willy Wonka had figured out Charlie was dead, he had already came in the young child's asshole, wondering why the child did not let loose a barage of tears telling him to pull out. Placing his PENIS in Charlie's mouth, he noticed the boy's flesh to be unusually cold and his tongue to be unresponsive. Fucking him orally anyway, Willy Wonka knew exactly what to do with his apprentice. He called out to the worker oompa-loompas and told them to take care of the body as they pleased, to which the oompa loompas chuckled and exchanged mischevious smiles. At once, he signaled for the Chief Loompa. Making motions, Wonka spoke to him. "Another one has died." "So, what should I do, sir?" "Distribute the memory eraser chocolate, again," "And then, boss?" "Tell the world that my factory is opening it's doors to the public after 15 years of life as a hermit. And make sure only boys find the gold this time." Women Dear women: SHUT YOUR GODDAMN FUCKING MOUTHS, CUNTS! YOU ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS! YOU ARE NOT SMART, WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOOD FOR IS TO SHOW YOUR TITS AND ASS AND TO CARRY AROUND A FEW FUCKING HOLES THAT FEEL GOOD WHEN WRAPPED AROUND MY GODDAMN COCK! That's right, all a women is is a vessel for a cunt, mouth and asshole that are just begging to get fucking filled with cock. Women are the useless skin around a cunt. Goddamn bitches, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU! YOU'RE JUST A SEX TOY MADE OF MEAT FOR GUYS TO ENJOY! THAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR EXISTANCE, TO BE USED LIKE A FLESHLIGHT WITH ARMS AND LEGS THAT MOANS! *THAT'S IT* Your life is fucking worthless you goddamn sluts. Every day thousands of women around the world have their clits cut off, get raped and beaten.In the USA women get killed and raped daily, yet you fucking dumb cunts still spend all of your cash just to look pretty enough so one of us superior males will fuck your goddamn holes. YOU BITCHES LOVE COCK *THAT* MUCH AND YET YOU CRY WHEN A GUY GIVES IT TO YOU AND CALL IT RAPE? FUCK YOU! GO BACK TO SHOWING TITS AND GETTING FUCKED AND NEVER OPEN YOUR MOUTHS AGAIN... 'cept to take cock. Weeaboo Girl X Y Yoshinoya rant Image:Legendary_icon.gif Myspace rant Yohinoya style Pay no attention to all that! Current mood: crazy Category: MySpace This probably makes no sense, but listen anyway. Yesterday I went to myspace, you know.. That place of meeting. Anyway, the servers kept timing out and I couldn't get in. When I finally logged in, I become angry. "326 messages! 43 Friend invites!" You fools, you IDIOTS! You don't come to Myspace and make requests to people you don't know! Myspace should be a brutal place, where people stab each other in the face from the opposite ends of the planet. That's what I would like, Emo kids and drama whores stay away if you really value your life! Anyway, I calm down and go through the business of my day. I come across a message "You don't know me, but I know this person wants you...". I'm angry again. I want to ask them, "Why do you know this and why should I meet them?" I want to interrogate them for an hour. Coming from a Myspace veteran such as myself, It's meaningful friendships That's right, Personal face to face, real life relationships with others. That's the real meaning to Myspace. That's what makes things work. It's unbeatable! Watch your back, though. This will make you appear to be an attention whore, and people will surely make notice of you. I can't recommend it to your typical emo kid. What this all means, my friend, is that you should just stick to Livejournal... Afganistan - Yoshinoya Style Anyways, >>1, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread, though. I went to Afganistan a while ago. Yeah, THAT Afganistan. Well anyways there was an insane number of mass communications there so I couldn't commence an attack. Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "Al-Kaida" or something written on it. Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You don't come to Afganistan just because it's war, morons. It's just war. W-A-R for crying out loud. There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Afganistan, huh? How fucking nice. "Alright, daddy's gonna drop'em some food." God I can't bear to watch. You people, America will do everything from there now on, so fucking clean this land of yourselves. Afganistan should be a more bloody place. That tense atmosphere, when a fight with the guy on opposite seat who recites the Coran can be started at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place. Women and children should screw off and stay home. Anyways, just when I finally calmed down, the next bastard beside me goes "let's betray Northern Alliance, shall we?" That just pissed me off even more. Who in the world deserts army and betrays, you moron? What does "let's betray Northern Alliance" have this fucking proud face of yours? I want to ask him this, do you REALLY want to betray?" I want to interrogate him. I want to fucking interrogate him for an hour. Isn't it that you just wanted to try saying "NATO"? Coming from a Afgan veteran such as myself, the latest trend in Afganistan nowadays is of course this: self-exploding terrorism. Anthrax and self-exploding terrorism. That's what you should ask for normally. Self-exploding is praised after death. But on the other hand there's not enough satisfaction in the bereaved family. This is the key. And then there's anthrax. This is the most of all. However, if you order this then there is danger that you'll be marked by the UN from next time on; it's a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs. What this all really means, though, is that you, >>1, should just stick with Ramadan. You fucking faggot retard YOU FUCKING FAGGOT RETARD. I made one of those posts and neither of the others. Stop pretending you are a mod, or actually know shit about anything. You are such a fucking idiot. I love it when stupid faggot little dipshits with tiny dinks like you do those "Same person" line-ups and are totally wrong. Suck my big hairy cock you pathetic know-nothing little queer bait. I'll make you wear a fucking dress. What a stupid fag you are. hard to believe. Fag. Your post has led to the following conclusion(s) Your post has led to the following conclusion(s), or prompted the following reaction(s): [] JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR [] Imma chargin' my laser [] I fapped to this. [] (in, stick, pooper, etc) [] Double Tap R or Z [] [Tits | GTFO] [] We're going back to potatos [] I lol'd [] It's a trap [] Thread is made of (insert word) and win. [] Thread is made of (insert word) and lose. [] mmm, delicious copypasta [] I see what you did there. [] shop, pixels, seen a few, etc. [] wtf Which resulted in [] The party van showing up [] Being in before Bel - Air [] Doing a barrel roll [] Your being informed of my intentions. [] Surprise sex [] Anal sex [] I got my fuking power wrist. Asshole. [] Laughter [] Epic Win [] Epic Fail [] I came. [] (To be determined by evacuation of premeses or exposure of breasts.) [] wtf